But he couldn’t contain his fury that she would have given up. Have been so weak. That wasn’t the Joss he knew. Or thought he knew.
He turned from the police officer and strode back to the desk, planting his hands down on the surface.
“I want to see Joss Breckenridge. Now.”
“I’m sorry, sir, the doctors are working on her now. If you’ll wait in the waiting area, I’ll call you back the minute you’re allowed to see her.”
“What do you mean ‘working on her’?” Dash demanded. “What’s wrong with her? How badly is she injured? Is she going to live?”
The clerk’s face shone with sympathy. “I know it’s hard waiting and not knowing, but I assure you, our physicians are doing their absolute best, and as I said, the moment I know anything I’ll inform you at once.”
Dash threw up his hands and paced back into the waiting area, but he couldn’t sit. How could he? It was déjà vu all over again. Another day. Three years ago. Same hospital. Same horrible wait only for the worst news. Carson dead. They’d been unable to save him. His injuries had been too extensive.
Only his wreck had been an accident. There’d been nothing he could have done to avoid it. Could Joss say the same? Had she been so upset and distraught that she’d driven her car into a tree hoping for death?
He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Couldn’t fathom it. But it was what the police suspected. Why else would they want to know if she was suicidal? What if Dash had pushed her to it?
He finally sat and buried his face in his hands. What seemed an eternity later, a nurse poked her head out the door and called for Joss Breckenridge’s family. As he was the only one there at the moment, he hurried forward.
“How is she?” he demanded.
The nurse smiled. “She’ll be fine. She’s pretty banged up, but you can see her. She’s a little woozy from the pain medication we gave her, but we couldn’t medicate her until all the X-rays and CT scan results came back.”
He didn’t give a f**k what condition she was in as long as she was alive.
The nurse led him back to one of the exam rooms and then opened the door, allowing him entrance. He sucked in his breath when he saw Joss lying on the stretcher, pale and bruised. There was dried blood at her hairline and at the corner of her mouth.
She looked so damn fragile that he was afraid to touch her.
He went to her bedside and fury gripped him all over again. She blinked drowsily and then focused her gaze on him. Instant hurt crowded the silky depths and she turned away. It only pissed him off all the more.
“You little fool,” he hissed. “Did you try to kill yourself, Joss? Was life without Carson so unbearable that you tried to join him?”
Her gaze yanked back to him, fury replacing the hurt of just moments ago.
“Get out,” she said through clenched teeth. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want you anywhere near me. Go to hell, Dash. That’s apparently where you’re most comfortable. God knows, I’ve only kept you there and nothing I do changes that.”
“Not until I have a damn answer,” he seethed. “You scared ten years off my life, Joss. What the f**k did you think you were doing?”
“What I was doing was avoiding a child,” she said in a frigid tone. “She ran into the street, and I knew I’d hit her if I didn’t swerve. I never saw the tree. Didn’t care about the tree. All I cared about was missing her. I could have never lived with myself if I’d chosen my life over hers. I was upset and wasn’t paying attention. I should have seen her earlier. I didn’t. But I’ll be damned if she was going to pay for my mistake with her life.”
All the breath left him in a rush. He sagged precariously and gripped the bed rail for support.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I don’t want to hear your apology,” she said stiffly. “I want you out. I don’t want to see you again, Dash. You said all you needed to say this morning. And you know what? It was all bullshit. But you wouldn’t even give me a chance to explain.”
“Explain what, honey?”
“Don’t call me that,” she spat. “Don’t call me anything at all. I’ve been feeling so guilty because I’ve all but forgotten Carson. A man who meant everything to me. A man I loved with all my heart and who loved me every bit as much. I was married to him, Dash, and you resent that. You’ve always resented that. You accuse me of continually putting him between us, but I never have. You did. You. Not me. You, damn it. You couldn’t let go because of your own insecurities.
“Two weeks ago I had a dream. One that upset me greatly. Because in that dream, I had a choice. I could have Carson back or I could stay with you. And I couldn’t choose. God, I felt so guilty because I’d always said I’d do anything at all for just one more day with Carson. If I could have him back, I’d never ask for anything more. But I didn’t choose him. I hesitated. And he disappeared.”
Dash felt like throwing up. He gripped the bed rail even tighter as he listened to the words that would damn him forever. He’d jumped to conclusions. Horrible conclusions. And Joss had paid a heavy price. Hell, he’d paid the heaviest price of all because he’d lost her when he’d finally had her. And he’d thrown it all away in a moment’s time when he could have simply asked her what she’d been thinking, dreaming.
“And then last night, I had the same dream. Carson spoke to me. He said we could be together. But I chose this time,” she choked out. “And I didn’t choose him. I chose you.”
Dash closed his eyes, tears burning the lids. What could he possibly say to any of that? How could he ever make up for the terrible things he’d said to her? The things he’d accused her of.
“I gave you everything, Dash,” she said painfully. “My love. My submission. My trust. What did you give me? You may have given me sex, but you didn’t give me love or trust. Because you can’t love someone you don’t trust. Not truly. And you haven’t trusted me from the start. You’ve continually put Carson between us. Do you know that I wouldn’t even bring him up in conversation? Before we were together I never thought twice about it. He was my husband and your best friend. It’s only natural that you were the one person I could speak with about him. But you took even that away because I knew you didn’t like it. So you tell me, Dash. What the hell did you sacrifice for me? Because the way I see it, I’m the one who made all the compromises and sacrifices.”
She shuddered, flinching in pain that the movement caused.
“We won’t even get into the horrid accusation you just launched at me. You obviously don’t think much of me at all or you would have never thought, even for a moment, that I’d purposely crash my car. Especially when that’s how Carson died. Even if I were that bent on self-destruction, I’d never cause my loved ones the kind of pain I went through when I lost Carson.”
Each word was a tiny dart that directly hit his heart. She was right. Every word the absolute truth. It shamed him to realize just how wrong he’d been. From the very start. She was right. He hadn’t trusted her. He’d been so insecure, so worried that he could never have her that when she’d given herself to him he hadn’t trusted in that gift because he’d been too afraid of losing it. Of losing her. He’d been so damn wrapped up in his fears that he hadn’t recognized the beautiful gift he’d been given until it was too late. God, it couldn’t be too late. He wouldn’t allow it to be. Whatever he had to do to make it right, he’d do.
He opened his mouth to apologize. To get down on his knees if necessary. Anything to gain her forgiveness and another chance at her love. But the door burst open and Chessy and Tate hurried in.
Tate took one look at Joss’s face and turned his black scowl on Dash.
“What the hell is going on here?” Tate demanded.
Chessy rushed to Joss’s bedside and Tate pushed in front of Dash, effectively barring him from Joss’s sight. Chessy grabbed Joss’s hand, the one that wasn’t bandaged. Dash only now noticed the cast on her left arm and his insides froze. He hadn’t even asked her condition. How seriously she was injured. He was just so goddamn relieved that she was alive that nothing else had mattered.