“Is it possible that he’s just under a lot of stress at work? Ever since he struck out on his own and quit working for Manning-Brown Financial, he’s been crazy busy. Even I can see that.”
“It’s more than that,” Chessy muttered. “The guy he partnered with, the one he left Manning-Brown to form a partnership with, decided to retire. This was only a few months after he and Tate started working together.”
Joss’s mouth fell open. “Why didn’t I know about this? When did this happen?”
Chessy squeezed Joss’s uninjured hand. “You were busy with your own stuff. You and Dash. Besides it wasn’t anything worth burdening you over. Nothing has changed really. Tate had always done the bulk of the work anyway, but Mark had brought a lot of affluent clients over to the partnership when they both broke off from their respective firms. So Tate’s been scrambling to keep them all happy because he doesn’t want to lose any of them. So far, only one has left, and he wants to keep it that way. Which means him being at their beck and call all hours of the day, seven days a week.”
Joss’s nose wrinkled. “I wouldn’t have thought a financial planner would be so . . . busy. I mean I know he does a lot, but what could there possibly be for him to do during nonbusiness hours? It’s not as though banks or the stock market are open after hours during the week or on weekends.”
“You’d be surprised,” Chessy said. “They call him at all times of the day, sometimes with legitimate concerns, sometimes with the absurd. But it’s Tate’s job to pacify them and reassure them or arrange their finances. He has to walk a very fine line because as I said, he doesn’t want to lose the clients he’s worked so hard to gain.”
“Is he going to take on another partner to lighten his load?”
Chessy shrugged. “That I don’t know. He doesn’t discuss it much with me. He doesn’t want to worry me. I used to love that about him. How he always sheltered me from anything he thought would hurt or worry me. Now? I’d take any form of communication because I feel this gap opening and widening between us and I hate it. I hate it, Joss,” she said, anguish filling her voice.
“I know I’m probably being silly and I’m overreacting, but I hate this uncertainty. I hate feeling like I don’t matter any longer. And I know that’s not true. I know he loves me. But he doesn’t show me like he used to. I’ve known from the day we met that I was his priority, and it makes me sound self-centered but I love being first and foremost in his mind. I loved that he always made me feel . . . special.”
“And you don’t feel special now,” Joss murmured.
Chessy slowly shook her head. “I’m not unhappy but I’m not happy either. And it’s eating me up on the inside. I keep wondering if this is as good as it gets and if I should be grateful he’s still with me. I don’t like how selfish I feel for wanting more.”
Joss leaned forward, ignoring the discomfort in her ribs. “You aren’t selfish,” she said fiercely. “Sweetie, you are the most unselfish, loving, giving person I know. Why don’t you talk to him about it? Lay it out just like you laid it out to me. I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t listen. That it wouldn’t horrify him to know you feel this way. He loves you so much. I can see it in the way he looks at you.”
“I wish I saw the same as you saw,” Chessy said wistfully. “I just want to go back to the way it was when we first met, and maybe that’s not possible. Maybe when you’re with someone as long as we’ve been together, when the newness wears off, you settle into tolerance.”
Joss shook her head adamantly. “I don’t believe that for a minute. I know Carson and I were only married for three years, but we were as in love at the three-year mark as we were the first year, and you and Tate have only been married a little less than five years.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Chessy said with a sigh. “Maybe I should just talk to him. But I freeze every time I think I’m going to ask. The words just stay locked in my throat because I know it will hurt him if I ask him if there’s someone else. And the thing is, if nothing is wrong except that he’s occupied with work, my doubt will cause a rift in our relationship that I’m not sure will ever mend.”
Joss grimaced, knowing Chessy could very well be right. Tate would be horrified if he knew Chessy thought he was having an affair. He might not forgive her doubting him even for a moment. Tate was rigid that way. He was an extremely honorable man and he was utterly protective of Chessy. If someone else was hurting her, Tate would do whatever was necessary to make it end. But what if he was the one hurting her? What then?
“Maybe you should just give it a while. Be patient and understanding. Love him. Show him your love and support and perhaps when things die down a bit at work and he’s more confident that he has everything under control, things will get better,” Joss quietly advised.
Chessy squeezed her hand again. “Thank you. I came up here to check on you and to cheer you up. Not to dump all my woes on you.”
Joss smiled. “I love you and I’d kick your ass if you ever didn’t come to me with whatever is bothering you. You and Kylie are my best friends. That won’t ever change.”
“Speaking of Kylie, there she is,” Chessy said brightly, looking beyond Joss to the doorway. Then she cast Joss a quick pleading look not to bring up the subject in front of Kylie.
Kylie was more of a direct, confrontational person, and if she even thought Tate was cheating on Chessy, she’d go straight to the source and kick his ass.
Joss squeezed Chessy’s hand back, a silent promise to keep their conversation secret.
“Hey, Joss,” Kylie said, coming over to hug her, though she was careful not to hug too tight. “How are you feeling today?”
“Better now that my personal nurse brought me the pain medication I was too lazy to get up and get for myself,” Joss said dryly.
Kylie smiled and plopped down on the ottoman beside Chessy. Her gaze swept over Joss as if judging for herself how her sister-in-law fared.
“How’s work?” Joss asked brightly, and then fearing it would be an invitation for Kylie to talk about Dash, she quickly amended her statement. “How are things with Jensen? Are you two getting along okay now?”
Kylie made a face. “He’s an overbearing, rigid ass.”
Chessy laughed. “Sweetie, you just described half the male population, Tate and Dash included.”
Joss flinched but refused to show any outward emotion over the mention of Dash’s name.
“Dash is a walking corpse,” Kylie said bluntly. “The man hasn’t slept since your accident. I don’t even know why he bothers coming in and going through the motions. Jensen’s had to pick up all the slack, as have I, because he’s worthless.”
Joss closed her eyes, pain swamping through her that even the strongest medication couldn’t ease. He’d called her a dozen times a day and each time she’d let it go to voice mail. It made her a coward, but she wasn’t prepared to deal with him now. Maybe ever.
He texted her, e-mailed her and he came to Chessy’s at least once a day, asking to see her. Each time either Tate or Chessy had told him that she was in her room sleeping. A lie. One he’d easily see through but she didn’t want to see him. Maybe ever.
He was absolutely relentless but then she knew that about him. But he’d gotten what he’d said he most wanted. She’d given him everything. She hadn’t asked him to change who and what he was because he was what she wanted. She’d wanted his dominance, his control, but more than that, she wanted his love and his trust.
Maybe she hadn’t wanted that in the beginning. She hadn’t believed she could ever find a love to match what she’d had with Carson. But Dash had fulfilled her in a way she’d never been fulfilled with Carson, and that hurt to admit. It hurt even more that she’d lost that.
She’d found perfection twice in a lifetime, and both times she’d lost it all. How was she supposed to recover from that again?
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, pain evident in her voice. “He doesn’t trust me. How can he say he loves me when he doesn’t trust me? Do you know what he accused me of?”