My eyes widened and his gaze seared like the desert heat. “I can give you everything that he can’t,” he said. “I can give you more than he ever could.”
He kissed me again, holding me in place, and this time I fought more, because to give in would be to believe all the horrible things he’d just said. But Esteban was relentless, his tongue fucking my mouth as he pressed his erection against my hip. One hand reached under and pulled up my dress, his fingers trying to slip between my legs.
But I couldn’t, I couldn’t.
“No,” I told him, my words muffled against his lips, realizing we were in the damn desert of all places.
“There is no more no anymore,” he said. Suddenly he shoved me down so I was on my knees, and I cried out in pain as the rocks cut into my skin. “Shut up,” he said, and I raised my head to see him take his cock out of his pants. “Suck it. See what I taste like.”
I was too stunned, my knees throbbing, but he made a fist in my hair and yanked me forward. Nearly powerless to protest, I took him in my hands and into my mouth. His salt hit my tongue, but he thrust his hips forward until he was as far in me as he could go. I nearly gagged.
“God, you’re fucking beautiful,” he said through a moan. “Such a queen. You suck so good but I’m going to fuck you so much better. So much better than him.”
It was then that I realized how little choice I had. How little choice I’d always had. For my whole life I’d been stuck between a rock and a hard place. Working tirelessly for my parents — I’d had no choice in that, not really. I either did it or they died. Marrying Salvador, I’d had no choice either. He would have killed me and my parents if I had said no to him. Going off with Javier had been the best choice I’d ever had, because finally I had been in the position to go off on my own and live my own life.
But I was an idiot who fell in love.
Love turned on me and broke me. I lost the love of my husband along with his desire and respect.
And now I had another impossible choice. I could protest, I could try and walk away from this situation and pretend that I didn’t want it, that I hadn’t thought about it, that I didn’t need what Esteban was offering me. I could walk away …if he let me.
Or I could give in. I could let that bad, dirty part of me come out to play and toss my morals out the door. My morals that had done nothing but keep me frozen in time, a loser of the heart. My morals were nothing more than a fucking cage.
My morals would hold me hostage for life.
You don’t have a choice, I told myself, though deep down I knew I did, and I knew the one I was about to make was the bad one — the wrong one.
I thought about Javier and the women and the love I’d never have again.
That touch.
That intimacy.
I had something like that now.
To take it was my choice. Finally, I had a choice.
The guilt went and slithered off somewhere, like the snakes on the desert floor, taking my morals with it. My soul went on leave.
I took Esteban in, my hands pumping him, unsurely at first, but then my grip tightened as I shed all inhibition, filled with the perverse need to continue. I was getting off on this, despite how badly I needed to stop.
“Oh, so good,” he went on, slamming in harder, my teeth razing him, but he only seemed to get thicker. “Is my big cock making your little cunt wet? Is it? Don’t get too slick though, gorgeous, I want it to hurt a little. I want you to feel every single inch of me from the inside. I want you to scream.”
Suddenly he pulled out of my mouth, and with his hand on my forehead, shoved me backward into the dirt. My head struck the edge of a rock and I cried out again, feeling wetness in my hair. As everything swung around me in a dizzying wave, I looked at the rock to see blood on it. I was bleeding from the head.
But Esteban didn’t care. He was pushing up my dress around my waist and pushing my thong to the side, ready to enter me.
“Stop. I hit my head,” I tried to say, but then he was on me and my head was pressed back into the rough sand.
“You won’t care about that soon,” he said, his lips on mine and kissing me feverishly as he guided himself into me. He was right; it did hurt. The friction was painful as he jammed himself inside to the hilt.
I gasped, trying to breathe through it, but he was merciless and thrust harder, the rocks digging into my back, my ass, everywhere. I was aching sharply and all over until he put his fingers in my mouth, getting them wet, and then placed them at my clit. Just the simple pressure made the pain melt into pleasure.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he groaned against my neck, biting me. All I could think was that I was going to look like a real wreck after this, like a truck had hit me. I wondered what Javier would say. And then I realized how much I wanted him to say something; I wanted him to care.
My wants were very dangerous.
“So fucking long I’ve dreamed of this and all the things I wanted to do,” he said, nipping my lower lip between his teeth. “You do realize this is just the beginning and not the end. I will own you, Luisa. And you will be mine.”
I didn’t know how to feel about that. I didn’t know how to feel about anything until desire was throbbing through me, and all I knew was that I wanted it more, more, more. The sex, the wanting, the needing. I welcomed it through my veins, swept away by the passion, the delirious lust. It was making me feel something good for once. It was erasing all the pain on my skin and the pain deep inside.