The minute I was behind the cover of the palms and reeds, I collapsed to the ground, just feet from my usual spot. The look in Javier’s eyes, the sincerity in his words, kept flashing through my mind, stabbing me over and over again.
It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt me. It’s that he wanted me to hear the truth.
That horrible, bitter truth that seemed to be stuck in my throat, and I was unable to dislodge it no matter how hard I tried to fight.
The tears came, broken at first, just like me. Fragments of sobs. I felt like a little girl, curled up on the floor of the closet after a fight with my parents. My mind even wanted to hold on to the hope that Javier would feel bad for what he’d said, what he’d done, that he would show remorse, worry, that he would come out here looking for me. That he’d scoop me up in his arms and tell me that we would get through this. That we could survive.
That he loved me.
But I knew that wouldn’t happen, because he was right. I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he wasn’t like most men; in fact, I’d never known anyone like him. So ruthless and cunning, but with tenderness, loyalty, and a twisted code of morals hidden deep inside him.
All the good in him vanished with Alana, and the Javier that was left was a walking ghost. And I had promised, for better or for worse, to stay by his side.
So I was stuck with a man who no longer wanted me to be a part of his life. But there was no way I could up and leave either. How do you leave one of the most powerful men in the country? You don’t. You stay and you keep quiet.
And the worst part was, as much as I was falling out of love … I still loved him something terrible.
Love was a terrible thing.
I lay down in that grass, mosquitos buzzing at my ears that I didn’t bother to swat away. Let them suck me dry, let them take the last of me.
“Luisa?” I heard Esteban’s voice in the dark. Footsteps and his presence over me followed. I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to acknowledge him.
I felt him crouch beside me, and he put his hand on my arm. His skin was soft and warm, and the contact seemed to bring comfort. I would have taken anything as comfort at that point. I realized just then how starved for affection and attention I was.
Before I opened my eyes, I realized that Esteban had been the only person to offer me anything recently. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“Luisa,” he said again, gently now. I looked up at him and saw nothing but concern in those green eyes of his. They stood out in such sharp contrast to the scar on his cheek. Like Javier, he was a man comprised of both good and bad, with the bad side often pushed to the extreme. But now, when I needed it most, he was offering me the good.
I was such a fool.
“Hey,” I said softly.
“What happened?” he asked, hand now on my hand. I didn’t brush him away.
“Marital problems,” I managed to say. I sighed and slowly lifted myself so I was sitting up. Bats began to fly overheard, snatching up the evening’s insects.
“I figured as much,” he said, settling down to sit beside me. “I talked to Juanito, hey.”
“Oh,” I said, suddenly wary. “It wasn’t his fault he told me. He thought I knew.”
“As you should have. I thought Javier would have at least informed you on when we were leaving and that you would have to stay behind.”
I swallowed hard, feeling the pinch again. The rejection.
“I’ll talk to him though,” he went on. “Let him know how ridiculous he’s being. You’re a team, you two. You’re just as much in this business as he is. You’ve made some incredibly insightful moves, you know, and I know he needs to be reminded of all this. If it weren’t for your own plans and ideas, we wouldn’t have the cocaine pipeline from Columbia.”
I nodded absently. It was true that I had been contributing to the organization, even finding ways for us to expand. But that was all past tense now. Still, it was nice that Esteban remembered.
“No need to talk to him,” I told him. “He won’t listen. He doesn’t care. He says he’s keeping me safe but … it’s not just that. He doesn’t consider me part of the family anymore.”
“Then he’s an idiot,” Esteban said. “There’s a time to grieve and there’s a time to move on. He can’t treat his own wife like she’s no longer a part of him. He can’t just kick you to the curb. Doesn’t he see how wonderful you are?”
His words made my heart flip, just a little. It was jarring to hear anything nice about myself, especially coming from him.
“I don’t think he cares if I’m wonderful or not. I’m just in the way.”
Esteban shook his head and grabbed my hand again. “Luisa, I wasn’t kidding when I told you that you deserve better than this. You do. And you know it. That’s what pains me.”
I eyed him. “I don’t think you know anything about pain.”
A stiff smile came across his lips. “No? Maybe you don’t know much about me.”
He was right about that. I actually knew very little about Esteban Mendoza. Maybe it was about time I started.
He seemed to lean in closer as he said, “You could let me in, hey? I’d like that. I would like you to get to know me. You might like what you find. You might find we have more in common than you think.”
There was a glittering intensity in his eyes that I hard time looking away from. I tried to remind myself that this was Esteban, the man who decided it was fun to taser me at one point. Granted, I had been trying to escape at the time. Perhaps now, in the position I was in, I couldn’t say I’d do anything differently.