Penny bit her bottom lip and decided. She could sit around and try to think this through or she could lean on someone else for a change. “I don’t know how to fight for him. I don’t even know if I should. When he first said what he said, I was devastated.”
“That’s because he was an asshole,” Chelsea agreed.
She needed to ignore Chelsea if she was going to get anything done. “I don’t know how to reach him. Even if it’s true, I don’t think me talking to him about it is going to change things.”
Charlotte waved a hand, obviously dismissing that line of thought. “You can’t talk to him. Men are not logical enough. Trust me. I went through hell to get Ian back. I tried to give him a very simple explanation about why I betrayed him and let him believe I was dead for five years, but does he listen to me? No.”
Penny had read Damon’s very thorough file on the Taggarts. If they could be together and in love, then anyone could. “Then how did you get him back?”
“Sex, of course. It’s really the only language men understand.”
That was what she was afraid of. “I’m not very good at sex. I don’t have much experience.”
Charlotte frowned her way. “You’re going to be one of those women, aren’t you?”
“Here comes the speech,” Chelsea said under her breath.
“One of those women?” Penny wasn’t sure what that meant.
Charlotte crossed her arms under her breasts, leaning forward. “The kind who spends all their time worrying about what they’re not. ‘I’m not sexy. I’m not pretty. I’m not worthy.’ When you do talk about what you are, it’s negative things like ‘I’m fat’ or ‘I have cellulite.’”
She felt herself flush. Yes, she might be guilty of some of that, but it wasn’t the whole story. “That’s not true. I think I’m smart and nice.”
Charlotte shook her head as though Penny had just proven her point. “Only because people tell you that. Do you really believe it? Deep down inside? Or do you keep trying to prove it over and over again? Do you let people take advantage of you because you think the only thing you have going for you is that you’re nice?”
It wasn’t true. Except it sort of was. She spent a lot of time trying to prove how nice she was. And she spent absolutely no time being nice to herself. That needed to change. She needed to take a real inventory of herself. “I like my eyes. I think they’re pretty.”
“Yes, they are.” When Charlotte Taggart smiled, she could light up a room.
“All the guys think you’ve got a nice ass.” Chelsea leaned on the bar and gave her a reserved smile. “I listen in on everyone. It’s for research.”
“They like my bum?” She’d always thought it was way too big.
Chelsea giggled a little, her face softening. She was quite pretty when she relaxed. “Yes, I believe Jesse said, in his always intensely literate way, ‘Dayum, that’s a juicy ass.’ But y’all say arse. Why do you do that? It’s not very sexy.”
Maybe the word wasn’t sexy, but apparently her arse was.
“You aren’t going to win your man by worrying about cellulite,” Charlotte explained. She turned a pointed look to her sister. “Or by treating him like he has the plague.”
“He’s not mine,” Chelsea said quickly.
“Only because you act like a jerk.” Charlotte pushed one of the shot glasses Penny’s way. “She’s got a huge thing for Simon and he totally wants her too. They’ve circled each other for months and months and they’re both irritable because no one’s getting laid. Do you want that? Wait, was Damon good in bed? I mean he could be horrible and he could make you feel like shit and then it’s a good thing that he dumped you.”
“Oh, no, he’s very good. And he made me feel good.” Her confidence was rising with every word Charlotte said. “We were good together.”
They had been. He wasn’t closed down with her in bed. When he’d smiled, there had been actual emotion in him. She was sure of it. He was always so controlled, except for today. He’d lost it and it hadn’t been all because of Baz. His anger was cold, controlled, but his fear came out in screaming fits and every single one of them had been directed her way.
She knocked back the drink. She didn’t drink much because it didn’t seem ladylike and she’d wanted to be seen as a nice girl when she was growing up. She’d gotten used to being in control all the time. She’d had to be when her parents were alive.
It burned down her throat, and she practically coughed it up. Both Dennis sisters laughed and Chelsea patted her back. “It’s an acquired taste.”
But their friendship wasn’t. It was easy and simple and she hadn’t fit in with another group of women in a very long time. She was always worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, but the Dennis sisters were showing her there wasn’t a wrong thing to say.
“I will take another.” It was her time now. It was finally her time to figure out who she wanted to be, and she was very certain that one of the things she wanted to be was happy, and that couldn’t happen without Damon Knight.
“Can you be brave, Penny?” Charlotte asked, sliding her another shot. “I know it sounds silly, but you’re going to have to play a part you’re not used to playing. If you want to break through Damon’s walls, you’re going to have to seduce him and manipulate him and bring him to his knees. You’re going to have to change the attitude. In the end, it can’t be a part you’re playing. It has to be you. You have to fight and fight dirty.”
If Damon had his way, she would be safe and he would upend both US and British intelligence and likely get himself killed in the process. He’d always been brave. He’d been through hell and he still was capable of caring about her.
Was she willing to let that go because she didn’t like her body? Damon liked her body. If he was her lover, wasn’t his opinion of whether she was sexy the only one that really mattered?
“Yes. I can be brave.” She’d been nervous about being naked, but it seemed very silly now. She’d been willing to put her life in Damon’s hands. Why would showing a bit of skin really bother her?
Chelsea put her head in her hand. “Oh, no. Do you know what she’s about to do to you?”