It was harder for their women, and so far, Breed males were very aware of this. They were selective in their choice of lovers, ensuring that when they went out in public they paid attention to even the smallest signs that mating heat could occur. Enough had been forced on them; they had no desire to force the sometimes painful arousals on a female, whether she was Breed or not.
Wrapping the towel around his waist, he pulled the shower doors back and came face-to-face with Jessica from where she sat on the bathroom counter, watching him.
Her somber blue eyes regarded him quizzically as her gaze flicked to the obvious arousal beneath the cotton.
“You were hard all night,” she said softly.
Glancing away from her, Hawke paced to the sink, where he’d placed a clean change of clothes.
“No answer?” she asked.
“What does it matter, Jess?” He let himself watch her in the mirror, saw the suspicion in her face and almost groaned at the next question.
“The mating heat affects you anyway, doesn’t it?” There was a knowing tone to her voice, an edge of regret.
“It’s not as bad for me as it would be for you.” He shrugged as though it didn’t matter, when he knew damned good and well that the need was eating him alive. Like acid in his gut, it was tearing at the very fiber of his control.
“Because you were trained to endure pain.” That wasn’t a question. It was an observation, and more or less the truth.
“Pretty much.” He cast her a look of self-mockery. Hell, he might as well try to laugh about it, since raging over it would only make it worse. “We were trained to endure a lot of things. Maybe it’s just second nature now.”
She ducked her head for a moment before looking to the shower as though desperately seeking a way to change the subject.
“Will it hurt me?” When she lifted her head there was a hint of nervousness in her gaze. “Hope, Faith and Charity didn’t say anything about pain.”
He’d cut off his own dick before he’d hurt her.
“It’s the lack of sex that hurts, Jess,” he promised her. “Once mating heat starts with you, I’ll ensure you never have to worry about hurting.” He shot her a teasing wink as he tried to lighten the information for her.
It didn’t work.
Her head lowered as she stared at the pretty ceramic floor of the bathroom.
“Hey.” He nudged at her arm with his. “It’s Christmas Eve, you know.” She looked up, nibbling at her lower lip as she watched him.
“Wolfe and Hope are throwing a Christmas party for Haven in the community center this evening. Lots of good food, some dancing, a little bit of drinking.” He waggled his brows at her. “Want to go with me?”
“I’d like that.” A slow, blooming smile lit her face. “I’d really like that, Hawke.” He bent, kissed the crown of her head and then pulled back quickly. “Good. Then we’ll leave here about six. Until then, get some warm clothes on. I have some things I need to do today and I thought you might enjoy going with me.”
“What kind of things?” She tilted her head, staring back at him with a natural curiosity he’d always been drawn to.
“Oh. Things.” He shrugged as he spanned her waist with his hands and lifted her from the counter.
“Now get out of here and let me get dressed. When I’m done you can get in here and shower while I fix breakfast.”
He guided her to the bathroom door, pushed her through the opening and then closed it firmly. He almost locked it. Son of a bitch. If he wasn’t careful, then there would be no way in hell for him to be able to give her the time she needed to decide if this mating was what she truly wanted.
It was all he could do to keep from kissing her now. To keep from taking her. The glands beneath his tongue were so swollen with the mating hormone that it was painful. His dick was as hard as stone and his flesh felt scorched each time he touched her.
Some days it simply sucked to be a Breed.
Jessica showered while Hawke fixed breakfast. Standing beneath the warmth of the spray, she let her hands travel over her body, remembering Hawke’s touch from the night before.
He’d been gentle. There had been an air of desperate hunger that surrounded him, but never once had he done anything to start the mating heat that she knew he was craving.
Not once had his lips touched hers, or touched bare skin, period. He hadn’t kissed her, hadn’t licked her. And she’d been dying for it.
Dressed in jeans, an undershirt and a sweater, Jessica moved back to her bedroom where she sat on the bed and pulled on thick, heavy socks.
Colorado winters had been particularly hard in the past few years. There was already a foot of snow on the ground from the night before and another foot predicted before the end of the night. And it was Christmas Eve. She had missed Christmas since leaving home at eighteen. Even before that, Christmas had lacked something. A sincerity, a sense of pure affection when the family had come together. During her years in the Army she had stayed in the barracks over the holidays, preferring the solitude to the fake laughter and endless parties her family had forced her to endure.
She wondered if spending Christmas with the Breeds would be any better. She’d heard of the joyous celebrations of Christmases past. The presents the alpha and his mate, Hope, gave out, and the exchange of gifts that the other Breeds participated in.
The Breeds had never had Christmas in the labs, so celebrating it now, as Hope had once told her, was an affirmation that they were indeed free to celebrate, to laugh, to love and to live.
Slipping her feet into hiking boots, she tied them snugly before standing and moving to the closed door.
Breakfast with Hawke wasn’t stilted, nor did she feel the old anger rising inside her that she had experienced over the past year.
They ate a simple meal. Eggs, lots of bacon for Hawke, toast and her beloved caffeine-rich coffee.
After the dishes were cleared away, he helped her into her coat and they left the house.
There were Breeds with shovels clearing driveways around the compound. Others were stringing more lights. There was always something going on at Haven and there were always willing hands to help.
There was never trash on the grounds, there was never disorderliness. The Breeds were oftentimes much neater than their human cousins, and had a much greater sense of cleanliness.
The frigid winter morning was held at bay by the thermal lining of her coat, and if that hadn’t kept her warm there was always Hawke’s arm around her waist as he escorted her to the waiting Range Rover, which had been started with the remote ignition from the house.