“Then you’d be lying to both of us,” he said softly. “There’s anger in you, and I don’t blame you for that anger. But there’s need, Jess, and there’s emotion. If you hadn’t been confined for a year, you would have come to my arms. We both know that.”
“But I was confined, Hawke.” She moved away, rubbing at her upper arms as she glanced back at him before turning and facing him directly. “You stayed away from me. You never came to me.”
“I would have mated you.” The words were ripped from him. “I would have taken you, Jess. We needed time to prove your innocence. I knew you would never willingly betray us. I had to prove it.” Surprise filtered through the arousal, surprise that she couldn’t ignore.
“You were trying to prove my innocence?” She frowned. “But, Hawke, I wasn’t innocent. We both know that.”
She had betrayed the Breeds. She had nearly gotten Hope, Faith and Charity killed. She had been responsible for an attack on Haven that could have killed so many of them.
“You were innocent,” he stated, his voice filled with determination. “Jessica, whatever happened, you were not a willing party. We have proof of it now. I knew it then.”
“Yet you never bothered to tell me that?” she asked with a small hint of mockery. “Wow, Hawke. What would it have taken? A note? A phone call? You could have said that and still given me a choice.” The arousal fueled the anger. Need versus pain, the knowledge she had been alone, that he hadn’t come to her, pouring through her. “You could have done something, damn you!” Her voice rose as the hurt overshadowed every other emotion.
“In doing it, I would have risked the very investigation I instigated to prove your innocence,” he fired back. And though his voice stayed low, calm, there was a power throbbing in it that gave her pause. “If I had done anything, it would have risked your life as well as the confidence our enemies had that you were going to die and take their secrets with them.”
“And because you think you had a good reason for what you were doing, then I should just lay down and accept this mating heat as though I have no other choice?” she parried angrily. “Excuse me, Hawke, but doesn’t that sound just a little arrogant, even for you?” One heavy black brow arched over golden eyes in mocking disbelief as he stared back at her.
“Oh, yeah, how stupid of me to have forgotten Breed arrogance,” she snorted. “You guys just don’t understand limits at all, do you?”
His expression stilled at the comment. “The animal is too close to the surface sometimes, Jess.” He finally sighed. “My need to protect you, to hold you close to me, goes beyond anything you might understand at the moment.” He grimaced, the heavy canines at the sides of his mouth flashing, reminding her that he was indeed very close to his animal cousins. “You’re my mate. Everything inside me demands that I ensure our bond. I’m trying to be reasonable. I’m trying to be human about this, but it’s damned hard.”
He was trying to be human about it?
Jessica tipped her head and gazed up at him, suddenly curious at this compulsion that urged him to ensure that she belonged to him, no one else.
It was at once frightening and arousing. This man, so big and bold, so unique, wanted her. Just her.
Once mating heat was started he could never have another woman. That mating instinct would keep him from even desiring another woman. He would belong to her and to her alone.
Had anyone or anything ever been just hers?
“Jessica.” His voice had a soft, mesmerizing quality as he moved closer to her, his big body shielding hers, sheltering it as he lifted his hand to run the backs of his fingers over her cheek.
The gesture was so gentle, so overwhelmingly tender, that she nearly lost her breath.
“I can’t leave your protection to others now,” he warned her, the brooding, tormented sound of his voice striking at her heart. “You’re too important to me. You mean too much to me. And the part of my soul that has claimed you trembles in fear at the thought of losing you.”
“Hawke.” She wanted to shake her head, to protest his claim.
She didn’t know if she was ready for this. Didn’t know if she could handle the mating heat as well as the sudden threat against her life.
“I’ll be with you, day in and day out,” he told her as she stared back at him, silent, confused. “I’ll guard you with my life, Jessica, but you know as well as I do that the arousal burning between us won’t ease.
It’s not a product simply of the mating heat; it’s a product of what we both wanted before we ever knew that was a factor. We belong to each other.”
We belong to each other. Her lips parted as she fought to find a way to deny it and couldn’t. Before she had betrayed the Breeds, before she had been confined, she had dreamed of the mating heat. She had dreamed of belonging to him.
Before the betrayal. Before she had lost herself in her father’s relentless quest to destroy Haven and everyone who lived there.
“This won’t work,” she whispered, though she couldn’t keep from leaning into his touch for just a moment. “It won’t work, Hawke.”
She had to force herself away from him. It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. When several feet separated them she turned back to him, miserable with the awareness of exactly what she was turning her back on.
“If something happens to me, you’ll be alone.” She swallowed tightly at the thought. “You won’t find another mate. You won’t have the comfort of another woman.”
“Don’t, Jessica . . .”
“You’ll be alone,” she cried out furiously. “I know what alone is like, Hawke. I know how empty and bleak it can be and I don’t want that for you.”
Endless nights curled on the cot she had slept in. Months of agony, dreaming, wishing, crying for someone she couldn’t have.
“That won’t happen,” he gritted out, determination marking his face now.
“You can’t be sure of that.” She stepped back as he paced closer. “I won’t risk it. Not now. Not until we have a chance to clear things between us. Until we know if there’s even a future.”
“Oh, there’s definitely a future.”
Before she could evade him she was pressed against the side of the refrigerator, his body so warm, so inviting, touching hers. Heat seemed to surround her, to sink into her.