“We’re fine, Lia. Nothing is going to tear us apart. We are always going to be stronger together.”
“That’s not what I meant, Luc. I’m not talking about our relationship coming apart. We are unraveling inside. Our past is festering within each of us, eating away who we are, bit by bit. I’ve been wallowing in self-pity since my attack, and I can’t seem to stop. Everyone tells me I’m so lucky. I’m alive and I wasn’t raped. I’m a survivor. I lived to tell the tale. What they don’t seem to understand, though, is that those words describe my life, not just one incident. I keep getting up, brushing myself off, and trying to move forward. I’m the fucking queen of making lemonade out of lemons, Luc. But each time, I keep wondering what’s going to happen to me when I finally just don’t get up. Was I doomed to be just a sad statistic from the moment I was born?”
Her gut-wrenching words hit me hard. In our time together and all of our conversations, this is the most defeated I’ve ever heard her sound. As strong as she is, she can’t save me and I can’t save her as the damaged man I am. If I wanted to continue on the self-destructive path I’ve been on, I should have walked away from her in the beginning. Now, it’s too late. She is the very air I breathe, and even if I cannot say the words, I acknowledge to myself for the first time that I am hopelessly in love with her. Maybe if we had each lived normal lives with no past traumas, our draw toward each other wouldn’t have been as strong. In an alternative life, she would have grown up as Lee Jacks’ daughter with a wealth to match or exceed my own. Would any of that have made a difference to either of us the first time we looked into each other’s eyes? I have to believe that my soul would have still recognized hers, no matter what our circumstances were at the time of our paths crossing.
I lower my mouth to hers, kissing her with all the pent-up emotion I feel when she is near. “You were born to be the beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, and courageous woman you are today,” I say as I nuzzle against her soft cheek. “Every hardship you have endured has added another dimension to the person you are. There is nothing lucky in having to survive repeated attacks. Luck has had no place in your life, baby. You have made it this far because you refused to let them win. No matter how much they tried, you bested them. They never broke you, or you wouldn’t be here now.” Lowering my hand to her heart, I add, “You’ll never be a sad statistic because this will never let you.” I feel her crying softly against me, and I let her get it out as I stroke her hair. She needs the release. When her tears have quieted, I can literally feel the air charge as she gathers herself from the abyss she has been in. Her strength is beginning to return, and I wonder if she realizes that it never really left.
“I need to know about Cassie. Not tonight, because I don’t think either of us can handle it, but soon. She is still ripping you apart and you can’t move on, which means neither can I, until you face it. Can you do that? Can you promise to trust me with your past?”
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation. She is right; the time for secrets is rapidly ending. Not only does she need to know about Cassie, but she also needs to know about Lee Jacks…her father. The cocoon we’ve built around ourselves during the last few months is imploding, and I can only hope with everything I am that she’ll still be here in the end as the people from our pasts rise up to tear us apart. “Let’s go back to bed,” I say, knowing we are both exhausted enough to sleep through any night terrors that try to plague our dreams.
Chapter Nine
Lia
It’s been three days since Lucian’s last nightmare—that I know of—and my discovery of his addiction to cocaine. By unspoken agreement, we’ve both avoided talking about anything stressful and have just been content to spend some quiet, uninterrupted time together. We’ve watched movies, ordered in most of our meals, and mostly made love leisurely with the occasional round of hard fucking thrown in for good measure. I’m looking forward to starting my day with the hard variety of his loving when he walks out of the bathroom with a towel riding low on his hips, causing me to almost swallow my tongue. Holy mother¸ will the sight of him, especially half-dressed, ever not affect me like this? No matter how many thoughts or concerns are churning in my head, my body still tingles with awareness. I go to him, wrapping my arms around his still-damp body. He smells like soap, aftershave, and sexy male. God, I just want to lick his hard chest. His hands settle on my hips, pulling me snug against him, and I feel his cock stir. Obviously, I’m not the only one wishing we were still in bed this morning. “Good morning, baby,” he says in his sexy, husky morning voice I love so much.
“Morning,” I reply absently as my hands wander of their own accord up and down his back. As I reach the crease of his ass, I hear his breath hitch and smile. I’m tired, but I would love to feel his tongue between my legs this morning. It seems to be the magic cure for helping me keep the blues at bay.
He pushes his morning erection into me before pulling away. “You don’t know how much I hate to say this, but you have your doctor’s appointment in less than an hour, so don’t start anything we can’t finish.”
My mouth drops open in disappointment as I sputter, “What? But, I want to—”
“Yeah, me, too,” he interrupts as he smacks my ass. I follow his gaze down to the tent he’s pitching in the front of his towel.
“Babies, kittens, and bunnies.”
He looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Just repeat babies, kittens, and bunnies over and over and it’ll help you with that,” I say, pointing downwards.
He chuckles before dropping his towel suddenly and palming his length. “Thanks for the suggestion, but I think I know a faster and much more pleasurable way to handle my problem.” Wiggling his brows, he adds, “Emphasis on handle, of course.” I stand rooted in place as he walks back into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. “Be right back.”
“Er…um…okay,” I manage to croak out. As I shift uncertainly, squeezing my legs together, I try to tell myself that he doesn’t want me to watch, but the devil on my shoulder keeps shouting, ‘he left the door open!’ Finally, I can resist no longer, and I creep to the open door. He’s sitting on the shower seat, leaning against the wall as he works his cock in his fisted hand. His moan fills the bathroom and I freeze. Oh, shit, it wasn’t him, it was me! My face is bright red when he opens his eyes and sees me standing there gawking at him.