“But her doctors say this is the first time her words are in the right context. Luc, the new medication regimen they are trying with her is doing something. She’s starting to come back, I can feel it.” Fuck, the only thing I feel at his words is nauseous. I love Aidan like a brother, but his dreams are my nightmares. I don’t want a world that involves Cassie, and I wonder if he even knows what he’s hoping for. She’s killing him little by little without ever laying a hand on him.
I give him the usual song and dance about not getting his hopes up, but I’m only going through the motions. I’m too rattled to put much into it. Finally, I change the subject, and we go through the list he’s made of items that need my attention. When Cindy buzzes my phone to tell me I have a call, I’m grateful. I’m afraid he’ll start talking about Cassie again, and I know that regardless of how much I want to support my friend, this is one subject we’ll never agree on again.
Lia
I’m in the kitchen finishing a simple meal of tacos and Spanish rice. I still haven’t had much of an appetite, so when I was actually craving Mexican food, I decided to seize the opportunity. Luckily, Lucian’s cabinets are fully stocked with most of my favorites from the grocery service we use. I hear the front door open and tense before Lucian’s voice rings through the apartment. “Lia, where are you?”
“I’m in the kitchen,” I call back as I sit a glass of sweet tea in front of my plate and a Corona with a lime wedge in front of his.
“What’s all of this?” he asks, looking surprised as he takes in the plates of food I have on the bar. He closes his arms around me, pulling my back into his front. He runs his nose down my neck, smelling my scent as he does so often before dropping a soft kiss there.
I relax into his big body, loving how safe I feel. “I thought I would make dinner for us tonight. I’m getting kind of tired of restaurant food, and I figured you were, as well.”
When I feel him tug on my ponytail, I smile as I wait for him to explore my new ponytail holder. “Is this…? I see him look over to the trashcan in the corner, which I had pulled out to empty after dinner. The yellow tie hanging from one side is a perfect match for the one I have tied into a bow in my hair. He gives a dramatic sigh. “Thank God, it’s not my underwear this time.” He spins me around until I’m facing him and takes my mouth immediately. I keep my mouth shut to tease him, and then yelp in surprise when he bites my lower lip before licking the sting with his tongue. Lucian’s kiss as usual takes no prisoners. He is a master, knowing exactly how to stroke, suck, and explore. I move against his kiss restlessly, immediately wanting those heavy lips to move lower…much lower, but he cuts me off just as I’m on the verge of begging.
“I’m starving, how about you?” He gives me a devilish grin as I stand pouting up at him. The ass knows exactly what kind of fire he’s started within me. I know that it would only take a few well-placed strokes to change his mind, and I’m seriously debating my next course of action when it hits me. We can’t have sex again until we talk about birth control, or rather the lack of it recently. I had managed to put it out of my mind for the last hour while cooking, but now the fear has reared its head once again. He seems disappointed when I pull away and take my seat at the bar. I feel certain that guilt is written all over my face even though I haven’t put us in this position on purpose. I feel as though there is very little likelihood that we’ve conceived, since I’ve been on birth control for quite a while, but we can’t take any more chances.
“So, how was your day?” I ask when he sits next to me and takes a long sip of his beer. We sound so domesticated in that moment that I find myself trying to swallow a smile. Has there ever been another woman in Lucian’s life who had this with him? I feel a pang as I think of Cassie. Lucian said that no other woman has been in this apartment, but Cassie was obviously a big part of his past. He has promised to tell me about her soon, and I feel as if this will be the last key to understanding who he really is and what he’s been through because I know it’s something horrible from his nightmares.
“It was good…busy. Aidan’s done a great job of keeping things running, so there weren’t many problems to deal with. How about you?”
“It was fine,” I say brightly…going just a tad overboard on the enthusiasm. Between obsessing over my birth control oversight and jumping at every single sound, it has been an exhausting day. I’m wiped out, even though I did nothing physically taxing…well, other than in the shower this morning.
Lucian puts his hand over mine, squeezing it. “I’m proud of you,” he says quietly. I feel my eyes well up, and I’m so grateful when he starts eating without adding anything further. Kindness has been so rare in my life that I still have a hard time processing it when it happens.
When we finish dinner, Lucian insists on cleaning up and orders me to the couch to rest for a while. I fidget nervously, waiting for him to join me. I know the time has arrived for me to talk to him about my doctor’s appointment this morning, but I’d rather have a tooth pulled than have this conversation.
I’ve worked myself into a jittery mess by the time he sits down next to me. When he picks up the television remote, I put my hand over his, stopping him from turning it on. “I…need to talk to you about something,” I begin. He immediately sets the remote back down and turns to give me his full attention. Shit, it’s even worse now. Maybe I should have emailed or texted him instead.
When I don’t say anything else, he finally prompts, “Lia? What is it, baby?”
I normally love his tendency to call me ‘baby,’ but at this moment, I find myself wincing at his choice of endearment. He is beginning to look worried as I sit here floundering, so I close my eyes briefly and fight for composure before speaking. “I…when I saw Dr. Kay this morning, she asked me some questions, and one of them was concerning birth control.” I feel his hand twitch beneath mine and his expression looks frozen.
“Are you pregnant, Lia?” he asks, sounding panicked. His eyes are locked on mine, as if searching for the answer.
“No!” He relaxes minutely before I add, “I mean, I don’t think so.”
He drops my hand, jumping to his feet. “What the hell do you mean, ‘you don’t think so’?’ You either are or you aren’t,” he says in a voice just under a shout. Suddenly, it feels as if he and I have switched places and I’m the calm one and he’s off the deep end. It’s crazy, but the shift has helped to center me. I can’t focus on my own emotions when I’m worried about him.