She glanced up to see him staring at her, his gaze stroking over her skin like a tangible touch. She loved the way he looked at her. She loved the way it made her feel. Safe. Protected. Like he cared about what happened to her.
Those looks were addicting. She soaked up every single one of them with unabashed greed.
His look changed to one of displeasure, and apprehension gripped Kylie’s chest. She hated conflict of any kind. It was her nature to avoid it at all costs and if she couldn’t avoid it, then soothe, soothe, soothe.
“Is something wrong?” she asked anxiously. “Is there something I can help you with?”
Jensen reached for her hand, shocking her, because he’d always maintained a semblance of casualness between them at work. He gently squeezed and pulled her closer until she stood right by his chair, her back to his desk. He pushed back his chair so he was looking squarely at her.
“I have to go out of town Monday. I fly back in Wednesday night so I’ll be in the office early Thursday.”
She nodded, wondering why that had set him off. It certainly wasn’t unusual for him and Dash both to be out of town.
“It’s the S&G contract,” he continued. “The CFO was very impressed and wants to move forward with our proposal. He wants me to attend a meeting with the CEO and the board of directors in Dallas. The contract is ours. We’re just going through the motions of getting approval up the chain. And of course they want to meet me—us.”
It was then that he grimaced and ran a hand through his hair.
“This is your contract, Kylie. It’s you who should be going. Not me. At the very least, you should be attending with me. But with Dash gone, we can’t leave the office unattended for three days.”
“Of course not,” Kylie said, shocked that he’d even considered it. “My job is to run the office, Jensen.”
“But you deserve this,” he said, his lips still turned down into a frown. “Most of the suggestions were yours, even if they were in agreement with mine. You handled yourself very well in the meeting with the CFO. I have absolute faith you’d have their entire corporation eating out of your hand if you gave the presentation.”
She shook her head, pleased beyond measure with his praise, but at the same time, panic-stricken over the idea of presenting their proposal alone. Without Jensen there to back her up. She might like the idea of breaking out of her shell and taking on the world one day, but it wouldn’t be today. Or tomorrow for that matter.
Baby steps, she reminded herself.
“So you’ll be gone Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday,” she said lightly. “I believe I can hold the fort down while you’re gone.”
“Oh, I know that much,” Jensen said, his tone serious. “But damn it, I wanted you with me.”
Kylie’s eyes widened as finally the reason for his irritation became clear. He hadn’t wanted to leave her behind and yet they had no choice. They didn’t employ a full staff, though Kylie had been after them to hire one or two more office assistants. For that matter, both men needed personal assistants. Employees who would travel with them, work side by side with them and take care of personal as well as professional matters.
Kylie’s job was to manage the office. Ensure that everything ran smoothly, that things got done on time and accounts receivable were kept up to date. But she acted as a personal assistant to both men instead of just an office manager, and they definitely kept her on her toes. There was enough work for two more employees but neither man seemed to have any interest in taking on anyone else. They claimed to like the job Kylie did for them and seemed content with the services she provided.
She made a mental note to ask for a raise if one wasn’t automatically given in her annual performance review, which was coming up in just a few weeks. She deserved it. The old Kylie would have never rocked the boat. Continued to take the same pay and not complain when she took on more of a workload. Anything to keep peace and to keep away from conflict.
The new Kylie? Knew she was worth more than what her paycheck reflected. Not that either man ever took her for granted. She felt appreciated. Both men went out of their way to tell her she was doing a good job and that they couldn’t manage without her.
The new Kylie was going to be crisp and efficient and ballsy. She was going to ask for a raise. And not a small one.
She had goals just like everyone else did. She wanted a new house, one not in the same neighborhood as Dash, Joss, Tate and Chessy. Jensen lived just a mile away in another upscale gated community. It was time for her to break free. To not be so dependent on the people around her and for them to constantly have to baby her.
Kylie felt like a fraud living where she did. Carson had insisted that she live near him. Where he could look in on her, protect her. Just like he’d always done. And she’d failed him when he’d needed her most. It should have been her. Not him. He had Joss. Someone who loved him and whom he had adored beyond reason. Kylie had no one. Just Carson, and by extension Joss.
It should have been her.
It had nothing to do with a death wish. Not since she’d been a little girl and had that awful moment when she’d considered that she’d be alone, protected, away from the violence and turmoil of her everyday life if only she gave in and took the easy way out, had she given any serious consideration to giving up and ending her life.
“What the hell is going through your mind?” Jensen muttered.
She glanced guiltily in his direction, knowing she wasn’t giving him the attention he deserved as her employer. Heat scorched her cheeks. Shame. That she’d even dwelled on those awful moments in the past.
“Nothing worth repeating,” she said honestly.
Jensen shook his head. “One of these days, you’re going to trust me enough to share those dark thoughts you seem to have on a regular basis. You may think you hide them from the world, and maybe you do, but not from me. I see past the practiced façade, Kylie. And I don’t want that to alarm you. I want you to trust in the fact that I will never hurt you. I’ll never do anything to cause you pain.”
She swallowed and nodded, not knowing what else to do. How could she explain that some things just weren’t meant to be shared? Even if he thought he knew about her past, there was no way for him to know it all. Because no one did. Not even Carson.
“Everything will be fine,” she said calmly. “You’ll go seal the deal with S&G and I’ll keep things running here at the office. Dash will be back in a week. He and I used to run the office ourselves, so I’m certainly capable of running things alone while you’re away.”