But Dash and Jensen answered to no one save themselves. They weren’t a typical corporation and Kylie pitied the person who ever tried to tell them how to run their business.
They didn’t have an employee handbook and there certainly wasn’t a rule against employee fraternization. But that didn’t mean that Kylie wasn’t a complete idiot for becoming involved with Jensen Tucker.
“Let’s separate the fact that he’s your boss,” Kylie muttered grimly to herself. “That’s the most obvious one under the ‘no’ category.”
There was also the fact that he was the antithesis of what she wanted or needed from a man. She couldn’t really say what she wanted, though. Because the truth was she hadn’t sought out relationships with men. Sure, she’d had a few casual dates here and there, but it had quickly become evident that Kylie’s issues weren’t endearing her to the men who asked her out.
She couldn’t blame them. She could reflect on herself objectively and realize that she was difficult. Bitchy, prickly, defensive and timid. Not the hallmarks of a desirable, kickass woman who made men drool at a hundred paces.
Still, it was nice to think about having that effect on men just once. That Kylie could actually summon the courage to be ballsy and confident. Walk into a room like she owned it in a pair of killer heels and a dress to die for and have every man there wanting her.
“Yeah, and then what would you do with them?” she said in disgust.
Absolutely nothing. That was what. She’d run like the chicken she was and she’d stick her head in the sand like an ostrich and pray that life passed her by and didn’t use her as a whipping post anymore.
At what point was she going to say enough? She was in her midtwenties. Still young by all accounts, and yet there were days she felt so much older. The weight of a lifetime bearing down on her, suffocating and miserable. Her childhood had seemed to last an eternity, her imprisonment stretching to infinity.
At her worst times, when she and Carson were just children, she’d had the secret hope that she could end it all. It shamed her now to even think of just how close she’d come to taking her own life. She’d been just a child, and what child had such dark, horrific thoughts?
The only thing that had stopped her was the fact that Carson would be by himself. He and he alone would bear the brunt of her father’s rage. And she wouldn’t allow that.
Carson had put himself in between her and her father many times, but just as many times, Kylie had done the same for him.
When her father was in a drunken rage, he seemed to target Carson. It was the other times, when he was absolutely sober, that his hatred for Kylie shone through and nothing she did was right. Everything was a punishable offense. Carson had tried to protect her just as Kylie protected him when their father drank too much and vented his rage on his son.
She’d never admitted to Carson that she’d considered suicide. It would have destroyed him. Kylie had never told anyone at all. It had remained her darkest secret, buried under layers of hurt and despair but still there. A memory that burned brightly in Kylie’s mind. A reminder of how close she’d come to her breaking point.
And yet she seemed to be drifting further in the direction of that dark, murky past. Seemed to be reaching that breaking point that she’d never quite come to before. Why now?
She was safe from her father. No one could hurt her. She had a home, her fortress, where she could lock herself behind the walls and have a safe haven, no intrusion from the outside world.
Carson’s death had been a strain on her. Was still a strain. Maybe she’d never properly dealt with her grief. She’d performed robotically during the entire ordeal, unable to comprehend that the only person who’d ever loved and protected her was gone. That she was alone in the world, the one thing she’d always feared the most.
She’d known that Carson and Joss would be her only family. That she had no desire for one of her own. She’d also known that Carson didn’t want children, though Joss did. She understood his fear. That somehow their tainted genes would be passed down to his children. It was a fear she shared.
Her own mother had abandoned them to a monster she knew was capable of horrific atrocities. She had no example. No one to look up to. An absent mother and a father who was alcoholic and abusive and a misogynist to boot.
She shook her head, her lips tight. No, she didn’t want to risk having children either. What if she was a horrible mother? What if her children turned into monsters like her own parents? God only knew all the things that could go wrong if she or Carson ever had children.
She was perfectly content for her father’s name and blood to die with her, his only remaining blood relative in this world. If only she could take him to hell with her. Because God knew, she lived that hell every single day and had since she was just a baby.
“Do you have those reports ready?”
Jensen’s crisp voice came over the intercom, startling Kylie from her dark thoughts.
She ruffled the papers frantically, glancing to see that she had indeed finished proofing the stack.
“Yes,” she replied, hating the catch in her voice. “Would you like me to bring them to you?”
“Yes, please.”
She rose and gathered the papers, tidying them into a neat stack. Then she sucked in a deep breath and strode down the hall to Jensen’s office. His door was open and he wasn’t paying attention. His attention was focused on his computer and he wore a slight frown.
His shirt was unbuttoned at the top and his tie had long been shed. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his jacket tossed over a nearby chair.
He was a creature of comfort, and while Dash and Carson both seemed comfortable in finer clothes and embraced the world they’d created for themselves, Jensen seemed less at ease. He was quiet, reserved. And he seemed content to allow Dash to do most of the talking.
But Kylie would bet her entire paycheck that Jensen didn’t miss a single beat. That he knew every single client and the ins and outs of the contracts and the job that needed to be done.
She approached his desk hesitantly, not wanting to disturb his obvious concentration. She slid the stack of papers onto the edge and turned hastily, intending to get out quickly.
“Kylie, wait,” Jensen commanded.
It shouldn’t have surprised her that he’d known the moment she’d come through the door. Even though he hadn’t acknowledged her in any way and had kept his focus on whatever he was studying on his computer screen.