So, in fact, it did mean that she was using him. For all the wrong reasons.
She closed her eyes, willing herself to stop being so analytical. Did it matter why she wanted to be around him? Did it matter the reasons why if they ended up having sex? To most men reasons would be very far down their list. They wanted sex. Most red-blooded men did. It was the women who got all touchy-feely and analytical over the reasons behind sex.
Jensen wanted her. He’d made that clear enough. But what exactly did he want? How much? Would he be satisfied with physical release? Hot sex? Or did he want more? Something she couldn’t give him?
Her head was spinning and she was making herself crazy over a simple date. She’d changed clothes four times, each time deeming herself too obvious. Too blatant, like she was seeking his approval. But what normal woman wouldn’t want to look good for her date? Especially a man like Jensen who oozed sensuality just by breathing.
She’d finally opted for jeans and a comfortable top. Casual. Not too desperate. She wanted to appear as though she were comfortable with him. And that wouldn’t be a stretch because she did feel at ease with him even if she hadn’t in the beginning. All of that had changed during the night he’d spent with her.
Trust, something she didn’t readily give to anyone, had been formed the night he’d held her through her nightmares and offered her comfort. A part of her recognized that this man wouldn’t hurt her. Her mind protested, used to self-preservation. Her heart, on the other hand, had quickly offered its trust, leaving her brain to wonder if she’d lost what little of her sanity she had left.
The doorbell rang, spurring her into action. She nervously gave herself one last glance in the mirror, satisfied that she looked . . . normal. Then she went to answer the door.
Jensen filled her doorway the minute she opened the door. He loomed there, larger than life. Tall, muscular. Strong. To her relief, he too had dressed casually. Faded jeans that conformed to his body and made her want to get an eyeful of how his ass filled them out. And a simple T-shirt that stretched over his muscled arms and chest.
If she thought he looked sexy in his business clothing, seeing him in jeans and a T-shirt was mind-blowing. God, was she actually lusting after him? She hadn’t thought herself capable of feeling physical attraction to a man—any man. And yet here she stood, drinking her fill and having decidedly naughty thoughts.
Who knew she had it in her?
Instead of inspiring panic, she was filled with the unfamiliar sensation of . . . optimism. She offered him a genuine smile and then gestured for him to come inside. He was carrying two grocery bags and had a bottle of wine tucked under one arm.
“Let me help you,” she offered.
“Nope,” he said. “I’ll dump it all in the kitchen and get started. I’d love for you to join me and keep me company, though.”
She followed behind and slid onto one of the barstools as he unloaded the items from the grocery bags.
“What’s on the menu?” she asked lightly.
“Aussie chicken,” he said. “Ever heard of it?”
She shook her head.
“Then you’re in for a treat. It’s basically baked chicken br**sts in a homemade honey mustard sauce with bacon, mushrooms and cheese. Can’t go wrong with that combination.”
She took in his warm smile, soaked it up like an addict in need of a fix. He just had a settling effect on her. She worried she’d become too dependent, that she’d need him too much. She’d never considered herself a clingy person. Just the opposite. She avoided relationships, any bonds with people other than her immediate circle of friends. But she could well see how dependent she could become on Jensen and that scared her. She didn’t want anyone but herself to have any control over her happiness.
But was she truly happy?
Even she knew the answer to that one. She wasn’t unhappy but neither was she happy. She just . . . existed. Went through the motions. Lived day-to-day on autopilot. Wasn’t it time for her to wake up and live? Really live?
“It sounds delicious,” she said, huskiness lacing her voice.
He smiled again and she caught her breath. Good God. She was sitting here lusting over him. Her! She breathed in, savoring the newness of such overwhelming emotions. Feelings she’d kept under tight rein her entire life. What was happening to her? Had she merely been waiting for him? Was he the one who’d break through her barriers and make her get over her fears?
“How did your dinner with Chessy go?” he asked as he set to work preparing the dish.
He poured two glasses of wine and slid one across the counter to her. She picked it up and brought it to her lips, inhaling the aroma. She rarely drank and usually only with friends. Alcohol made her uneasy because she was intimately acquainted with the dark side of it. Being around people drinking heavily was something she always avoided.
“It went well,” she said, after sipping the drink. “She’s lonely. Tate’s so busy with his job.”
Jensen glanced up, his expression seeking. “She unhappy?”
Kylie grimaced. She shouldn’t have said anything. She felt like the worst sort of friend betraying Chessy’s confidence. But there was something about Jensen that caught her off guard and made her relax. Her lips loosened around him and she found herself telling him things she’d never share with anyone else.
“I’m not going to betray your confidence, Kylie,” Jensen said in a low voice. “We’re just having a conversation. Nothing more. You don’t have to worry about me involving myself in someone else’s relationship. Besides, Tate and I are mere acquaintances, brought together by circumstance more than friendship. I like him and Chessy both. I’d hate to know she was unhappy.”
“It’s me who’s betraying a confidence,” Kylie muttered. “For some reason I find myself blurting stuff out to you.”
“That’s not a bad thing,” he observed, staring thoughtfully at her. If there had been any hint of triumph in his eyes, it would have annoyed her, but there was just intent consideration.
“I’d like you to feel as though you can talk to me about anything,” he continued.
Kylie sighed. “Tate’s just super busy and Chessy is lonely. I understand that feeling but unlike me, she isn’t used to it. She’s outgoing and bubbly. She needs to be surrounded by people and she needs more of Tate’s time than she’s currently getting.”