But being apart from him was a different kind of agony. She was just about to argue when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. The bandage around her neck had come slightly undone, and there was no way to miss the stitches that ran down her skin. She looked like Frankenstein, newly stitched together and unleashed on the world. Her face was a mass of bruises and her lip was just beginning to deflate.
Maybe Alex didn’t want to sleep with her for different reasons.
For years she’d been his submissive and he her proud Dom. He would take her to the club they belonged to and gain great pleasure from showing off her beauty.
She wasn’t very beautiful now. She was battered, and she wasn’t sure she would ever be the same again.
“What if I can’t get into slave pose?”
She found it comforting. Since he’d introduced her to D/s, she’d greeted him at least once each day by falling to her knees and allowing them to splay wide, her head bowed and palms up on her thighs. She kept a perfectly straight back even though she was bigger than many of the girls. She’d tried to diet, but Alex always stuffed her with sweets.
Her legs were scarred now and one of her ankles had nearly broken. What if she couldn’t be his partner? What if her days as his submissive were over?
He reached out for her, but then drew his hand back. “You don’t worry about that right now, Eve. Angel, I would understand if you never called me Master again.”
His words didn’t make sense. He was her Master. They’d made an agreement. They had a contract. They’d sat in bed one day shortly after they’d met and spent the day discussing what their contract would be. When they’d gone over hard and soft limits, they had kissed and played. When they discussed their duties to each other, he’d been deep inside her. Their contract was intimate and real. They were married. They talked about everything. A contract could be cold. Ian wrote up cold contracts because he didn’t love the submissives he took. But their contract had been warm and happy and it connected them.
What if he didn’t want her now that Michael Evans had used her?
She’d changed her whole life to be with Alex. She loved their life together. What if it was all over?
“I can’t have a baby.” Maybe that was what had put that dark look in Alex’s eyes.
He shook his head. “That is not what the doctor said.”
No. He’d been very clinical about the whole thing. He’d talked about damage to her uterus and losing one of her ovaries in the accident. He’d nearly performed a hysterectomy. The internal bleeding had been worse than he’d thought at first, but one of the nurses fought for her. It had been touch and go for a while. “It’s unlikely.”
“Unlikely isn’t never. And I don’t care about that. I’m just happy you’re alive.”
He didn’t seem happy. He seemed grave and grim. The only time he became animated was when he was running down a lead on Evans. Then his face was flush and a passionate anger would seep into his eyes.
“It’s going to be all right,” he promised. “You’ll see. I’m going to catch him and you’ll feel safe again.”
She might never feel safe again. “I don’t want to talk about him. I want to forget him.”
She knew she couldn’t forget, but she needed to try to find some normalcy again and she couldn’t do that without her husband. She caught another glance of herself in the mirror and the deep need to argue with him fled. She couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes slid away from her. He didn’t want to be here.
He didn’t want to look at her.
Suddenly the ache inside her had nothing to do with her bones.
Alex hung his head as he grabbed his laptop. “You’ll see. You’re going to feel so much better when you know he can’t hurt you again. I’m going to give this to you. I screwed up and you paid the price, but I’m going to make this right.”
She reached out to him, but he was already at the door. She pulled her arm back before he turned. How could she tell him that he couldn’t make it right again? She wasn’t sure at this point that she could even come back from what she’d been through. It was so close. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see that face looming over her. She needed Alex to take those visions away from her.
“I need you.” She hated how small her voice sounded.
“I’m here, angel.” He set the papers down and moved toward her. He crossed the space between them. The space between. There’d never been space between them before. Even when they were miles apart, she could feel him. They were married in every way—their hearts and minds and souls melded together. But now she felt every inch of air and distance that separated them.
He reached out, his fingers brushing her, and she flinched because every piece of her skin was still sensitive.
Alex nearly jumped back, his whole face flushing with horror. “I’m sorry.”
She was making it all worse. “Please give me some time.”
She couldn’t lose Alex. She would heal. She would work. She would make her way back to where she’d been before.
Alex was at the door again. “I’ll give you all the time you need. I’m going to find him. I’m going to get him for you.”
“I don’t need that.” She didn’t want him out in the field now. Tears streamed down her face, making the world a blurry mess. “I don’t want you out there with him. Please, Alex. Stay with me.”
“I will if you need me to.” He hesitated, his fingers curling around those files that meant so much to him. “Warren can handle it. And Ian’s looking into things on the side.”
But he wanted to handle it himself. He wanted it so bad. It was right there on his face. Her heart fell. He wanted his revenge. He could say it was all for her, but it was really because he could control this part of his life. Chasing after Michael Evans was active. Sitting at her bedside and hoping she healed was not.
“I’ll be fine.” Maybe when the scars were gone, he could forget that she’d been such a victim. Maybe she could forget. Maybe they could find normal again.
“Are you sure?”
She wasn’t sure of anything. Nothing. Her world had flipped, and she hated where she’d landed. She’d learned so much about herself. She’d learned that she could break, that she was fragile.