“No.” Lee had been very insistent on taking care of the bill. She’d reached for it, and he’d stared her down until she’d passed it to him and then he’d jovially taken care of it. “And he paid for coffee later, too.”
Adam looked thoughtful as he selected another tomato to dice. “Okay. So most hustlers want the female to pay for everything. They don’t tend to treat their customers. Their customers treat them. And besides, one would think that a hustler would be better dressed.”
“He was dressed just fine.” He’d looked very nice. Super nice. Hot. God, she’d pushed that guy away. What was wrong with her?
Adam snorted lightly and shook his head. “There was a stain on his jeans. I doubt he noticed. A hustler would have noticed. It looked like paint or something. He should have been wearing slacks. Slacks are slicker.”
“He said he worked in construction.” His hands had been callused and rough like he worked with them all the time. Like he did exactly what he said he did.
“Ah, then he probably knows and doesn’t care. He probably got it while he was working, and like lots of straight guys, doesn’t give a crap because they still fit. Again, a hustler would have been dressed to kill. He was like dressed to maim maybe. Actually, he’s not really all that hot. Are you sure you like him? He seems a little like a douchebag to me. You know the kind who goes around kissing women who don’t belong to him. Do you want me to punch him the next time we see him?”
“He’s not a douchebag.” Now that she was out of the situation, she could look at things a little more clearly. He’d been nice all afternoon. He’d been a wonderful companion and he’d taken care of her, and she’d repaid him by insulting him horribly. “He’s a nice man. I just don’t understand what he sees in me.”
Adam put down his knife and sighed. “I don’t think dinner is in the cards tonight. I think you need to start looking at yourself in a different way or you’re going to push away every guy who tries to make a pass at you.” He stopped. “You want some guy out there to make a pass at you, right? I’m being so very in the box right now. Do you like girls, sweetheart? Because it didn’t look like it when you had your tongue down his throat.”
“Okay, ewww.” She had to laugh. It had not been halfway down his throat. It had been just the right amount of distance inside his mouth so their tongues could rub against each other in a way that had very nearly made her melt. “I like guys. I just don’t know that I’m ready. I was married.”
“I thought you hadn’t dated in years. How old were you?”
“Barely eighteen.” She’d been so young and so very, very stupid, but her short marriage to Brandon was a bittersweet memory, a pure time in her life when she’d been loved and taken care of and the whole world seemed like it might go right for once.
Adam whistled. “That’s young. How long have you been divorced?”
“I didn’t get divorced.” She hated this conversation. Maybe this was precisely why she’d been fine with avoiding friendships. They were costly and uncertain, and she wasn’t sure she was truly brave enough to reach out and open herself up. And she wouldn’t know until she tried. She couldn’t blunder through life hurting people the way she had today. If she did that then she should have just stayed in that car and died with Brandon and her precious baby. She owed them more than the life she’d been living. “Brandon died.”
She couldn’t bring herself to mention Madison. He didn’t need to know about Madison.
“Sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear that.” Adam’s hand covered her own, a warm reminder that he was there. It held her in the present when her thoughts would normally drift to the past.
That was what a friend could offer, she finally realized. That was what Lee had maybe been offering. Perhaps not long term, but not a lot in her life had lasted for more than a little while.
“Thanks, but it was a long time ago.”
“And you haven’t dated since then?” Adam asked.
Somehow the pity in his eyes wasn’t so horrible now. Maybe it wasn’t pity and she should stop thinking about it that way. Maybe what some people offered was empathy, and that was a gift. Connection. Pain could connect people. When it was shared and understood, maybe friends could help lessen the pain. “Not once.”
He frowned, but his eyes widened questioningly. “Uhm, so if you haven’t dated then I’m going to assume the obvious. Right?”
She could totally guess what the obvious was. “No sex.”
“Oh, honey, that hurts. We need to get you laid.” Adam grinned. He was adorable when he grinned. But he didn’t make her heart pound the way Lee did. Lee had the sweetest dimple. Just one, on the right side of his face.
Stay to the right, love. She’d felt so protected when he’d sheltered her, like he was a bulwark against a world that insisted on intruding.
“I have some friends here I can call,” Adam offered. He put a hand up. “To date. Not to sleep with, unless you want to.”
“I want him.” Lee had been the one to reawaken all her female parts. Even before she’d spoken a word to him, she’d fantasized about him.
Adam frowned. “Are you sure? Because I know this guy who is way nice and doesn’t seem like a douchebag. Seriously, I can have him over here in like twenty minutes. He’ll be so much easier than the angry guy with paint on his jeans.”
But she liked the angry guy with paint on his jeans. “I want him. At the very least I want to find him so I can apologize.”
And see if he might think about kissing her again. Probably not. She’d probably wrecked that, but she had to try. She couldn’t let it go. She would regret it, and she had more than enough to regret in this lifetime.
“Do you have any idea how to find him? You said he was a tourist, right?” Adam asked. “Did he tell you what hotel he was staying at?”
She thought about their lunchtime conversation. He was staying at a friend’s place in Chelsea. That wasn’t helpful. They had talked about all the places they wanted to see. He’d been a bit specific. “He’s going to the Tower of London with a friend of his tomorrow morning.”
He’d invited her along. At the time she’d wondered if it wasn’t one more way to get some mysterious something out of her. It had been an offer of friendship…maybe more.