Ruth: Hey Hon'. Hope the wallowing is going well. If you need another pick-me-up, I'm willing to take one for the team and suffer through a few more midday mojitos. Let me know.
I'd read them over and over today, relishing that tiny connection to my old life. It had been less than two days, but somehow that's what it felt like now: my old life. At a time where everything else was in ruins, it was nice to be reminded I still had someone waiting for me when this was all over. If it ever would be.
I'd already reassured them both I was fine, conjuring up some story about visiting my sister down in Melbourne for a little mental recharge, but as I stared at the screen now, I was nearly overcome with the desire to call them and tell them everything. It was a terrible idea, but curled up there, in the unfamiliar dark, surrounded by people I barely knew with agendas I couldn't even fathom, I felt so incredibly alone.
After staring for a few precarious seconds, my thumb poised over Ruth's number, I shoved the phone back into my bedside drawer and headed out in search of tea. What I really wanted was something a little more numbing — I figured a house like this had to have a wine cellar — but drinking away my problems probably wasn't the best option right now. I needed to stay alert. The world seemed to have turned into a much more dangerous place, virtually overnight, and in this dimension of secret societies and covert kidnappings, waking up with a killer hangover might have a different meaning entirely.
I had no idea how to process everything Sebastian had told me. Part of me wanted to laugh it off as an absurd joke, something dug out of a bad eighties espionage film, but taking into account everything that I'd seen, I believed it. I didn't know what it all meant yet, but I planned on remedying that situation. As unbelievable as it was, I was a part of this, now. I could either sit, awestruck on the sidelines, or I could try and work out exactly what the hell I'd gotten myself into.
The house was silent as I made my way to the kitchen. It wasn't until I put the kettle on and began hunting for a cup that I realised I wasn't the only person awake.
"Can't sleep?" said a voice behind me.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. Turning, I saw a familiar figure, cast in shadow, nursing a mug of his own at the breakfast table.
"Jesus, Joe. You scared the hell out of me."
He chuckled. "My apologies," he said, although he didn't sound particularly sorry. "Feel like some company?"
It seemed harmless enough. I wasn't exactly going to drift off anytime soon. I filled my cup and moved over to join him. "I take it you know what happened?" I asked.
He nodded. "I was there when Sebastian got the news."
"Then you know why I can't sleep."
He nodded again. "I don't blame you. I don't think anyone would rest easy after a thing like that."
I appreciated that he didn't offer any advice. Just understanding.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Despite the lack of conversation, I was enjoying the company. He might not have been Sebastian, but his presence seemed to hold back the darkness a little nonetheless.
Eventually though, he spoke. "He told you." It wasn't a question.
Fear seized my belly. I turned my gaze to him slowly. He didn't look angry, in fact a ghost of a smile touched his lips, but I knew what he meant nonetheless. It hadn't occurred to me that Joe might be an Alpha member. He just seemed like hired help. But clearly there was more to him than that.
I debated denying it, but the certainty in his eyes said there was no point. He knew. The question was, what would he do with that knowledge?
I let out a long sigh. "He did."
Joe chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Well then."
"You don't sound surprised."
He shrugged. "Everyone likes to think they can keep their mouth shut when necessary, but the truth is, every man has his breaking point. The way he talks about you, the only thing that surprises me is that it took this long."
The way he talks about you. My mind instantly went back to Sebastian's letter, to all those heartbreakingly sweet things he'd said. And then to that look he'd worn when he first pushed his way inside my prison, the rapture that had lit his face when his eyes found mine. I wasn't the only one struggling to switch off my feelings.
You always hear stories about the purity of love, about the way it swells inside you until nothing else even matters. I never cared much for that perspective before — that kind of love typically isn't compatible with the sort of future I saw for myself — but now I found myself longing for it to be that simple. Every decision had turned into a conflict, a titanic battle between heart and brain, between logic and emotion. I couldn't deny my feelings for him, but whenever they rose inside me, they brought with them anger and betrayal. I knew it wasn't intentional, but he'd exposed me to this world, a world that was currently trying to chew me up and spit me out again. It was hard to forgive that, with the terror of my kidnapping still blanketing everything like a thick fog.
And even if I could get past it, there were other elements to the equation. Was he still the same man I'd fallen for? In light of everything he'd told me this morning, I didn't know. It was almost easier to just write him and his friends off as corrupt, power hungry monsters; but, try as I might, I couldn't see him being a part of something like that. Not to mention guys like Thomas, or apparently Joe. If Sebastian said their intentions were noble, then I believed him.
"This is a mess," I said, after a pause, not sure if I was referring to my relationship with Sebastian or the forbidden knowledge he'd shared.
Joe let out a laugh. "That it is, girl. That it is."
"So you're a member too then?" I asked, stalling for time. I wasn't sure where the conversation was going exactly, but he'd obviously brought it up for a reason. Something in my gut told me I could trust him, but Sebastian's warning loomed large in my mind nonetheless.
"Indeed."
"Well, I don't mean any disrespect, but isn't it a little demeaning having you drive another member around?"
He shrugged. "It's not so bad. I give him hell, but Sebastian's a better sort than most. Besides, it's not like I always did this."
"Oh?"
He grinned. "Alpha's not exactly in the business of recruiting chauffeurs. Not much to be gained by that. No, before this I served thirty years in the British Army."