She couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t hold up, and there was no way she could let Del-Rey see her tonight. Not like this. He would kill Jax. She couldn’t fight any longer. She was tired, she was lost, and on the inside she felt broken.
“Don’t ask this of me,” Cavalier bit out. “No matter your title, he had no right.”
“They think I betrayed them,” she told him. “He’ll learn better. Swear it, Cavalier, or I’ll leave this base and I’ll never return. And I’ll leave alone.”
Without friends or security. Without the men and women who’d sworn their lives to her. A mate undefended. Cavalier would never risk that.
“I won’t hurt him.” His voice was primal, enraged. “This time.” There was a warning there she prayed Jax would heed.
She turned to the others. “Go to your alpha for explanations. This fight ends now.”
They stared back at her silently.
“Brazon.” The pack leader had once been her friend. “Please.”
His nod was slow in coming. “This time, Anya. This time only.”
She would have to leave. She had no choice. If she didn’t, blood would be shed and the Coyote alliance and Del-Rey’s dreams would be gone forever.
Grief churned in her stomach, sickening her as she limped from the kitchen and hurried through the community room. She was aware of Sofia watching quietly, another lash to her pride. By the time she reached the tunnels, she was sobbing with the pain. It was tearing through her, breaking her down until she didn’t know if she could survive the agony flaying her.
Cavalier waited until she was gone. His knife still at Jax’s throat, he stared into the other man’s eyes. “You’re his brother,” he said softly, speaking of Del-Rey. “I smell the bond between you and the kinship. He doesn’t claim you, whelp. Does that make you a traitor?”
It took only seconds for Jax’s eyes to widen in horror. Long enough for Cavalier to pull back and slide into a defensive position. Long enough for Ashley to move. She moved the wrong way.
A snarl of fury, a howl of anguish left her lips, as she turned, jumped the counter until she balanced behind Jax, jerked his head back, and sent the knife swinging on a hard, downward arc.
When she was finished, blood coated Jax’s neck and half his ear was missing, as Ashley jumped from the counter and ran from the kitchen. Cavalier covered her, staring back at the silent Breeds as he lifted his hand and activated a private channel on his link.
“Yes.” Brim answered on the first beep.
“First blood has been shed,” Cavalier warned him. “I believe a medic might be needed.”
Anya stumbled through the caverns and tunnels, feeling her way for a while as sobs tore through her and tears washed over her face. One hand wrapped around her stomach as the pain seemed to lash at her there as well. She felt the cold as she neared her destination. A cold that seeped into every pore, and yet was warmer than the ice building in her soul.
She collapsed at the mouth of the small cave that overlooked Haven. Covered with snow, it looked peaceful below. A warm glow seemed to extend around the enclosed valley, wrap over it, and tease her with the promise of something she would never have.
She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head against them as she cried. Everything was lost. She couldn’t fight any longer. She couldn’t make herself endure this, the pain was too agonizing. If she wasn’t here, then Del-Rey would quickly get a handle on the divisiveness beginning to tear the base apart. Without her as a distraction, something to secure, he would see the mess in the making and draw his men together again.
And she would be alone. So alone.
She wished she could howl with the pain ripping through her. With the thought of sleeping alone, always cold, always searching for what wasn’t there.
This was her fault and she knew it. If she hadn’t allowed herself to lose control when Del-Rey had kidnapped her, then this wouldn’t have happened. This division wouldn’t have occurred if she had never been given the status of coya while Del-Rey was gone.
She should have seen then the illusion it was. No Breed left his mate, everyone knew that. The tribunal would know that. His enemies would know that. He would have never allowed her to stay at Haven while he was on base, he would have never left her care to others. He had depended on that and the perception that he had not accepted her as his mate to protect her.
Her own arrogance in believing she had a place here had been her downfall, her ultimate humiliation and the loss of the man who held her soul.
She sobbed at that loss, cried out for it until she felt as though her spirit were breaking from it.
“Its okay, Coya.” Ashley’s voice had her head lifting in shame, in shock. That these women should see her so broken, so weak, sent a ragged shaft of agony through her soul.
“You need to be warm.” Sharone spread a blanket over her, her own face wet with tears.
Emma hunkered beside her, crying as well as she laid her head at the stone wall beside Anya’s.
“Anya.” Precious Ashley. Her face was pale, her lips quivering, tears streaking her face as she knelt in front of Anya, then curled into a small ball on her side, her head in Anya’s lap. “I don’t like this,” she sobbed at Anya’s knee. “I don’t like this. They separated us. They took you from us,” she cried. “I don’t like this, Anya.”
Anya sobbed with her.
“Don’t let them take you from us,” Emma whispered tearfully. “Please, Coya. You’ve always been our coya. You’ve always been our leader. Don’t let them take us anymore.”
Her fierce, ditzy little Ashley. Anya buried her hand in the girl’s hair as she laid her head against Emma’s, then reached up and drew Sharone to them.
Untamed, so filled with pride, and yet tears streamed down Sharone’s face as she laid her head against Anya’s shoulder. And not for the first time, they cried together, and they grieved. Because freedom was supposed to mean they would never lose one another. That never again could an order separate them. And yet that was exactly what had torn them apart. The order of the man Anya loved.
It was almost over. Tomorrow, it would finish. If she could manage to hold on, just a while longer, then it would be over. She would be the traitor and the Coyotes that had once followed her would once again follow Del-Rey.
And Anya would finally, irrevocably, be alone.