It wasn’t going to happen. This time, she was going to be the one to walk away first. She was stronger than the last time. She wasn’t going to beg and plead for a man’s love, for him to see reason.
She had a wonderful career, and stood on the precipice of something magical right now. This was where she belonged. And if he couldn’t see that, if he didn’t love her enough to see that her career mattered, too, then too bad for him.
She finished getting dressed, and paced the living room, letting anger take over the hurt. She had downed the last of her coffee by the time Trick came out of the bedroom.
“Coffee smells good,” he said, and came over to press a kiss to the back of her neck while she was standing over the sink rinsing her cup.
She quickly pulled away, leaning down to put her coffee cup in the dishwasher. “I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”
“I can do that.”
She moved some distance from him while he brewed his cup, her arms wrapped around herself as she watched him. His hair was still damp from his shower, the ends curling around his neck, making her want to touch him, to breathe in his scent.
No matter how angry she was with him, she still loved him. And that hurt most of all.
“So, I was thinking,” he said as he leaned against the kitchen counter. “We should talk about you moving in here.”
He had a sexy half-smile on his face that destroyed her.
“You know, since your apartment is so cold in the winter, and my place is actually convenient to you getting to work and all. What do you think?”
Last night and earlier this morning she would have thought it was a great idea. Now it just dug the knife in deeper.
“I’ve been thinking, too.”
His smile broadened. “Have you?”
“Yes. I’ve been thinking that we rushed into this whole love-and-togetherness thing. Or at least I did. I’m not ready for it. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for it.”
His smile died. “What? What’s wrong?” He set his cup down and started toward her. She put her hand out to stop him.
“I don’t want this, Trick. You and I were fun, but I think it’s time we end it.”
“What are you talking about? Last night you loved me, and now it’s over? Come on, babe. Talk to me.”
She gave him a careless shrug, needing to hurt him like he’d hurt her. “It’s just me. I tried, but I’m not a relationship type of woman. I like my freedom, and after thinking it over, any kind of commitment feels choking to me. Sorry.”
“Sorry? That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say? What the hell, Stella?” He dragged his fingers through his hair and she saw the hurt and confusion on his face as he paced back and forth. It killed her inside, knowing she put it there, but self-preservation was more important. Besides, had he been thinking of her when he’d made plans to move to Detroit? No. So she had to put herself first. She had to get away from him and move on.
“Yeah. That’s all I’m going to say. I know this hurts for both of us, but trust me, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want the same things you do.”
He gave her a look like he didn’t believe her. “Talk to me.”
She shook her head, so afraid she was going to cry she couldn’t say anything.
“I don’t understand all this, Stella. I don’t get this sudden turnaround. Are you sure something didn’t happen to change your mind?”
“No. Nothing happened. I’m just being true to myself and who I am. And now I need to go before this gets more painful for both of us.”
The hurt on his face was replaced by anger. “This is so much bullshit, Stella. I know it and you know it. You don’t tell me you love me one minute and walk away the next.”
She lifted her chin. “I said I was sorry.”
“And that makes it okay? It doesn’t. We need to talk this out. There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“No, we don’t need to talk, because there’s nothing to say. I have nothing to tell you.” Nothing he could say that could make her stay.
She grabbed her coat and her bag and went to the door. She turned to look at him, memorizing his face, knowing how much she was going to miss him. “Bye, Trick.”
“Shit. I’m not coming after you. If you walk out, we’re done.”
“That’s fine.”
He stood in the living room, just staring at her, so many emotions on his face it took everything in her not to run to him and throw her arms around him.
But that would make her weak, and she wasn’t weak. She had herself to think of, because he sure as hell hadn’t.
She willed the tears back as she opened the door and walked out.
She’d never hurt so much in her life as she took the elevator downstairs and hailed a taxi outside. Fortunately, one came by quickly, because she was afraid Trick would run after her, despite what he’d said.
He hadn’t. Of course he hadn’t, because now he was free to move wherever he wanted to without having to deal with her.
This was better for both of them.
Definitely better for her.
She’d broken her golden rule of never getting involved, and it had cost her.
Because now her heart was broken, so much worse than the first time. The first time she’d been young and naïve. This time she’d gone into it with her eyes wide open—a woman, not a young girl. Trick was a man she could have spent forever with.
She should have known better, and now instead of loving him forever, she was going to hurt forever.
Chapter Thirteen
It had been a lousy week. They’d won one game and lost two shitty fucking games. Even the game where they’d managed to squeak by with a win, they’d played badly. Trick had played badly. And he had no one to blame but himself. Hell, the whole team had played like a bunch of amateurs the past few games. They’d been an embarrassment, and the only good thing—if there was a good thing—was they had been road games, so at least they hadn’t sucked in front of the home fans.
At least now he was home. He sat in his apartment licking his wounds—in more ways than one.
He figured throwing himself into the games, into hockey, would be a way to get over Stella. That sure as hell hadn’t worked out so well.
Now he sipped a beer in his apartment and stared at the stupid Christmas tree which only reminded him of Stella. He should dismantle the damn thing and toss it in the Dumpster, because he sure as hell wasn’t in the holiday spirit.