“Aye. ’Tis the truth she said I wouldn’t be kissing her again until we were formally betrothed.”
At that, Keeley and Mairin could hold in their laughter no longer.
“God save us from interfering women,” Ewan muttered. “ ’Twould seem there is much matchmaking afoot in the keep. Aye, Cormac. You have my permission to speak with her father, but I’ll not have your duties disrupted. Your first duty is to see to the safety of my wife. If I find you distracted even once, I’ll dismiss you.”
“Of course, Laird. My loyalty is to you and your lady above all else,” Cormac said.
“Then prepare your speech for her father. We’ll have a priest out as soon as weather permits, and provided, of course, her father is agreeable.”
Cormac fought his grin but the relief and … happiness in his eyes made Keeley go soft all over. She swallowed back her longing and the brief surge of jealousy. She was truly happy for Christina. The young woman would be giddy when Cormac proposed.
She glanced over at Mairin to see that her excitement was mirrored in the other woman. Mairin leaned over and whispered, “We’ll have to query Christina about that kiss on the morrow.”
Keeley put a hand to her mouth to stifle the laughter. “It must have been a kiss for the ages,” she whispered back.
“I’ve had a few of those,” Mairin said wistfully. Then she cast a glance in Ewan’s direction. “Maybe more than a few.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to confide that she, too, had experienced a kiss like no other, but she remained quiet. Instead she glanced Alaric’s way again only to find his gaze caressing her as surely as if he touched her with his hand.
It was as though someone gripped her throat and squeezed. Each breath was torturous, until her chest ached with the effort. She dragged her gaze away and then bolted from her seat at the table. She turned to Ewan first and bobbed an awkward curtsy.
“With your permission, Laird, I would retire above stairs. I find I’m quite tired this eve.”
Ewan nodded and continued his conversation with Alaric.
Keeley then turned to Mairin. “I’ll see you on the morrow. Good eve.”
Mairin shot her a look of sympathy that told Keeley she wasn’t immune to the undercurrents between Keeley and Alaric.
Keeley hurried away but felt the weight of Alaric’s stare the entire time. She couldn’t be away from the scrutiny of those at the table fast enough. She’d already make a fool of herself with all the stolen glances at Alaric. Someone would have to be blind and daft not to sense what was going on.
The climb up the stairs seemed interminable. Her chamber was cold when she let herself in, and shivering, she went about reviving the fire from the nearly dead coals. After adding fresh wood, she stood by the flame a moment to instill warmth in her hands and then went to check the fur covering the window.
Satisfied that all was as it should be, she donned her night dress and slipped beneath the furs on her bed. The only light in the darkness was the vibrant, orange glow of the fire. It cast shadows on the walls and made her feel every bit as alone as she was.
Outside, the wind whistled and groaned, like an old man bemoaning his fate. Keeley wrapped the furs tighter around her and stared at the dancing flames on the ceiling.
If only things were as simple as stealing a kiss. If only she’d take matters into her own hands as Christina had done. Keeley smiled a sad, rueful smile. If only a kiss could solve all the ills. Christina had kissed her man and now they would forge a life together.
She had no life to forge with Alaric. But she could cherish a few stolen moments in his arms.
She went utterly still as the thought took hold. Her breath caught and held and her hand flew to her throat, massaging as if to take the tightness away.
What if she did go to Alaric? How would it change any aspect of her life when she was already thought a woman of no virtue?
She closed her eyes and shook her head in mute denial.
But she couldn’t even use the excuse that Rionna was her friend. Friends didn’t turn their backs. And no one ever had to know.
Just one night.
Was it possible?
Alaric wanted her. He’d make that plain enough. And Keeley wanted him with every breath she breathed. She wanted him so much that it was a physical ache.
What would his hands feel like on her flesh? His mouth against hers?
Aye, it would hurt to walk away from Alaric. It would hurt to have him but for a short tryst, but she was beginning to believe that he was right. A taste of sweet was better than a lifetime of bitter regret. And right now she’d regret going to her cold grave a virgin still.
For so long she held her virtue tight. So tight that naught else mattered. It was her only proof that she wasn’t the whore she’d been labeled. And yet it hadn’t brought her justice. There was no one to stand for her. There would never be anyone to stand for her. Only she knew the truth, and that’s how it would stay.
How much comfort did the truth bring her on cold nights?
She nearly laughed at the lengths her mind went to in order to rationalize her desire to indulge in an affair with her warrior.
Her warrior. Always hers. But not. In her heart, though, there was no other. There never would be.
“Do stop being so dramatic and fanciful, Keeley,” she murmured. “The next thing you know, you’ll be throwing aside the furs covering the window and threatening to hurl yourself onto the snow-covered heath.”
She would laugh, but tears stung her eyelids and she swiped at them to alleviate the burn.
Nay, now was not the time for silly and idyllic dreams. She needed to be a realist and decide what was acceptable to her. No one else. For once, she would place her own wants and desires above others. For if she didn’t see to her happiness, no one else would.
One night in Alaric’s arms.
Once spoken aloud in her mind, she couldn’t push the thought away. It consumed her. It tempted and tantalized her as nothing else ever had.
She’d never even been kissed until Alaric, save the brutal mouth of the laird and she didn’t consider that a kiss. A kiss was something given, and the laird had taken. She had never given him anything willingly.
She pressed her palms to her eyes and plunged her fingers into her hair.
It was too late for her to turn back. It had become more than some hopeless dream. The idea had taken root. It burned so brightly in her mind that she knew she couldn’t go another day under the unbearable strain that existed between her and Alaric.