In the end, it was the drive to be out of his chamber where he could see more of her that spurred his recovery the most.
He was still sore. His side ached, and if he turned too quickly, he was rewarded with a bolt of pain through his midriff. But he refused to spend another moment staring up at his ceiling, seeking ways to make the hunger go away.
Even now, as he tried to sit and listen to what his brothers were discussing, his gaze kept drifting across the hall where the women of the keep sat in front of the hearth sewing baby clothing for Mairin’s child.
Outside, the snow fell and had accumulated on the ground in small drifts that would grow larger through the night. Everyone had taken shelter indoors and in their cottages. The men were drinking ale and discussing warfare and alliances and, of course, their most hated enemy, Duncan Cameron.
But Alaric heard none of it. He watched as Keeley laughed and her eyes glowed in delight as she chattered with the women in the circle.
Ewan occasionally cast glances in Mairin’s direction. It didn’t go unnoticed by Alaric, and when Mairin looked up and caught her husband’s gaze, in that moment, Alaric envied Ewan with everything he had. Their obvious love and regard for each other made the ache in Alaric’s chest grow until it was all he could do not to bolt from the table.
“Snap out of it, Alaric.”
Alaric blinked and then glared at Caelen for intruding so rudely on his thoughts.
“What the hell do you want?”
“For you to pay attention. ’Tis important matters we discuss and you’re busy mooning over the lass.”
Alaric curled his fingers into a fist but didn’t respond to Caelen’s ribbing.
Ewan frowned as he stared between the brothers. “I was saying that I received a missive from Laird McDonald. He sorely regrets that your travel was interrupted. He sought to seal our alliance as quickly as possible. He grows more uneasy over the idea of Cameron taking over his borders. There is much unrest among our neighbors. They all fear Cameron’s might and are looking to us for aid and support.”
Alaric glanced at his brother, unease growing in his chest.
“He doesn’t want to wait until spring to join our clans through marriage. He also knows I refuse to leave the keep with Mairin’s time so close nor will I leave thereafter. He has offered to travel with Rionna after Mairin’s babe is born and have the wedding ceremony here.”
Alaric forced himself not to outwardly react. He went completely still until he could hear his heart beat against his chest. He wouldn’t look at Keeley. He wouldn’t think of what he wanted when the future of his clan rested in his hands.
“Alaric? What say you?” Ewan asked.
“ ’Tis good he is willing to travel here,” Alaric said evenly. “We can’t afford to leave the keep unguarded nor can we afford to split our defenses by sending a contingent with me. We’ve already lost a dozen good men.”
Ewan stared thoughtfully at Alaric. “So you are willing still to go through with the marriage?”
“I’ve never said anything to make you think differently.”
“It’s not what you’ve said or not said,” Ewan said quietly, as his gaze lifted from Alaric and went beyond to where the women sat. “I know you want her.”
Alaric refused to turn and follow the direction of Ewan’s stare. “What I want is inconsequential. I agreed to the match. I won’t go back on my word.”
Regret briefly flickered over Ewan’s face before he schooled his features and dropped his stare. He faced his two brothers. “ ’Tis done then. I’ll respond to McDonald’s message and let him know that we’ll receive him after my son or daughter is born. ’Tis likely you and your new bride will have to spend the winter here. The McDonalds’ travel here will be arduous enough. ’Tis no reason to risk a return trip until the snows thaw.”
The idea of marrying Rionna left a sour enough feeling in his belly but having her here, living as man and wife and him having to see Keeley on a daily basis, was unbearable.
“I’ll send her away as soon as she’s safely delivered Mairin’s babe,” Ewan murmured.
Alaric’s head snapped up. “Nay! You’ll not turn her out in the midst of the winter with no place to go and no home to call her own. I vowed to her that you would provide for her. Swear to me that she’ll have a home here for as long as she desires.”
Ewan sighed. “Aye, then. I swear it.”
“You torture yourself needlessly, brother,” Caelen hissed. “Have the lass. Take her and rid yourself of this obsession. Sate yourself and by the time the McDonalds arrive, your blood will be rid of this need.”
Alaric stared bleakly at his brother. “Nay, Caelen. I fear I’ll never be rid of my need of her. It runs too deep and too hot. And I’ll not use her thus. She deserves my respect. She saved my life.”
Caelen shook his head but didn’t argue further. He drained the rest of his ale and muttered under his breath as he stared into the fire that blazed in the hearth.
Across the room, Mairin rose and instantly put her hand to her back. She looked tired, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Ewan. He frowned and quickly stood up. He was across the room in a moment, and leaned down to murmur in her ear. She smiled up at him, and soon Ewan was walking her toward the stairs leading to their chamber.
Alaric gripped his goblet and stared at the swirl of ale still left. He set it down on the table, unable to stomach the thought of swilling more of the stout brew.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Caelen muttered. “Go have a tumble with one of the women more than willing to warm your bed. You’ll forget the healer. ’Tis unseemly to allow a woman so much power over you.”
Alaric smiled faintly. “Clearly you’ve never wanted a woman in the way I want Keeley.”
Caelen’s expression darkened and Alaric immediately wished he could call back the ill-spoken words. ’Twas the truth that years ago Caelen had been thoroughly besotted by a woman. He’d declared his love openly for her. He would have died for her. Instead, she betrayed them to Duncan Cameron and their clan lost all, Ewan’s young wife and their father. Caelen had never allowed himself to fall under the spell of a woman again. Alaric wasn’t even sure if Caelen ever bedded a woman. If he did, he was extremely discreet.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t well done of me,” Alaric said.