“Branch,” she whispered, her heart squeezing.
“I have fucked and been fucked by a lot of women but I’ve only had one relationship that mattered. I loved her, Angie. We had a lot of good times. But when life settled in and it wasn’t all just good and easy, I didn’t have the tools to pull my shit together and grow the fuck up. Met her when I was twenty-three, she was twenty-one, lost her when I was twenty-seven, she was just twenty-five. I’m now thirty-eight and I’ve lived with being young and stupid and proud and stubborn and what all that meant to her for a long time.”
She turned to him, lifting a leg on the couch and started, “Honey, you didn’t—”
“I’ve fucked and been fucked by a lot of women,” he repeated, speaking over her. “And not one, not even her, gave me what you do and I do not only mean the way I love how you fuck my ass or switch it raw.”
Evangeline held her body still as she felt a tickle slip up her spine, doing this also holding his gaze.
“I got so much baggage, honey, not just her, I’m just scratching the surface,” he whispered. “You’re so tiny, it’d crush you.”
She felt tears sting her eyes.
He wasn’t damaged.
She didn’t know what he was. She’d never seen it.
The only way she could describe it was that he’d been destroyed.
“Please, Branch—” she began to whisper back.
“What I’m saying is, I like you too. But I can’t give you dick. Only this. Only what we got now. But Angie, you gotta know, for your sake, for yours only, when I feel I gotta disappear, I gotta do that … for you. And if you can’t take what I have to give, just take what we have and enjoy it while we’ve got it, then it’ll fuckin’ kill, but for you, right now, I have to walk out that door.”
“I don’t understand,” she said softly.
“I can’t explain and that’s for you too.”
She put a hand on the couch and leaned toward him. “I might be small, handsome, but don’t let that fool you.”
He shook his head. “Just know I know what I’m doing and know it’s not for me, because if I was the motherfucker I could be, I wouldn’t give this to you. I wouldn’t warn you. I’d take, and when the time came, I’d leave. But you’ve got your warning, honey, and it is what it is and that’s all it can be. So what’s it gonna be?”
Evangeline stared in his eyes and gave him her own warning, “I know what it’s going to be, Branch, but you need to know I’m not going to stop trying to break through.”
He nodded. “I get that. I’ll take it. Because I’m not the motherfucker I could be, but I am the one I am. But just to say, baby, you fight that battle, you’ll lose.”
“I’m stubborn.”
It almost looked like he was going to smile.
“Think I got that.”
She continued staring into his eyes and promised, “I’m going to make you happy.”
“I know.”
She felt like an arrow pierced her heart, her body actually jerked with it.
She was giving that to him already.
But they were still having this conversation.
“I’m still going to walk away,” he told her gently, confirming her thoughts.
Eyes locked, they both fell silent.
It was again Branch that broke it.
“So what’s it gonna be, Angie?”
She saw him, not hiding he sat tense, waiting.
He didn’t want her to tell him to go.
And at the same time, he did.
“You’ve thrown down the glove, Branch,” she informed him.
Sadness filled his eyes.
She hated to see it.
But by damn, she was going to obliterate it.
“Be smart, baby,” he whispered. “And be stronger than me because I don’t have it in me to walk out that door. I’m here because I couldn’t stay away. Four days I’ve been fighting the pull that’s you and,” he tossed up a hand to indicate himself sitting on the arm of her chair, “I lost. You say I’m protective but now I’m telling you, you have to protect yourself. You’ve gotta tell me to go.”
She ignored his entire speech.
“And I’m picking it up.”
He closed his eyes and looked away.
She sat still and silent.
He opened his eyes and looked to her.
“That wasn’t smart, Evangeline,” he said, still whispering.
She didn’t reply.
Something moved over his face that twisted the tip of the arrow, tearing a hole, gaping.
“Because I’m weak, because I’m a motherfucker, and because you’re all that’s you, I need more so I can have it when I don’t have you so it isn’t me that’s going to save you … this time,” he shared.
Good.
Fucking excellent.
Perfect.
Evangeline got up and walked to him.
He kept his seat but tipped his head when she got close.
She put both hands to his cheeks and dipped her face to his.
He was so long, her feet were bare, but even standing with him sitting, she didn’t have far to go.
She loved that.
And she loved that he’d given her time.
Because she was going to take it.
And then she was going to do what she told herself she’d do from the very beginning.
She was going to guide him to that edge, the one he wouldn’t go near, the one that was farther than he would allow himself to see, and she was going to take them both over.
She slid her nose along his, tipped her mouth like she was going to kiss him, but held back.
He let out his breath and she felt it against her lips.
Almost as good as a kiss.
But not quite.
“Thank you for my warning. Thank you for more honesty,” she whispered. “I hurt for you, what happened to your woman. I hurt for her. Even if it means I’d never have you, I wish I could erase that so I could erase the pain it caused, that pain that still lives in you. But as crazy as it may sound with how hard that had to be to share, how hard I know it was to hear, I still thank you for giving that to me.”
She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs and slid her nose up the side of his and down again, continuing to stare into his eyes.
“But if you need more, baby, I’m here to give you what you need,” she murmured. “I get the score. Don’t you worry. But don’t you underestimate me either. Because I get what I want and if I want you, in the end, you’re going to give yourself to me. And it’s not just that. It’s also that if you want me, and you’re right here, you’re back, you said it yourself, you couldn’t stay away, so I know you want me, and that means I’m going to give myself to you too.”
He put his hands to her hips, gliding them up, over her waist until he closed his fingers around her ribs.
“Not a smart decision but you’re a smart woman, Angie. You know the score. And in any game evenly matched, no one ever knows which side will win.”
“Then we’ll see.”
He looked like he didn’t want to say it but he still muttered, “Yeah, we’ll see.”
She couldn’t help but smile.
The ice of his eyes instantly melted.
And seeing that, she thought, God, he has no clue.
But some surprises were good.
And when she took him over the edge, his surprise was going to be a doozy.
She rested her forehead to his and slid one hand up and into his thick, soft hair, stroking it, and the other one she slid down to his neck.
“Now, there’s some world rocking I’ve been intending to do, and I’m annoyed at it being delayed, so my advice, big boy, is not to make me wait any longer.”
“Angie—” he murmured.
She gripped his hair in a loose hold. “Your game, Branch. My rules. Agreed?”
His gaze stayed fixed to hers.
“Don’t hate me when I’m gone.”
God, she was going to have to go all-in, even more all-in than she’d been, to get him out of whatever that hellhole was where he lived in his head.
And she would do it.
Fuck yes.