“Sitting in the dark,” his voice said, always so jovial. It made everything that much more wrong. “It’s not healthy for you.”
I heard him open the box and start to fish around for something. Metal clinked against glass. Things that sounded sharp. I suppressed a shiver and wondered if now was the time to act. If this would be my chance.
As he searched for something, I slowly, quietly, got to my feet, staying hunched over, and walked sideways along the wall. I knew the room inside out by now, knew where the bed was and the small armchair, the beside table. If I could get to the door without him noticing, then I could attack, as long as he didn’t attack me first.
I didn’t have much in the way of weapons. But I did have chicken bones that I’d broken apart until I found the sharpest, hardest shards. I’d then wrapped them all together into a short spear, with torn strips of my old nightgown.
It wasn’t much, but I also had rage and the basic human need for survival.
He wasn’t human, so he couldn’t have that. And I wouldn’t let him take it from me.
“Quiet these days, aren’t we?” Esteban asked. The sound of the box slammed shut. I paused near the bed, my hands guiding me along it. I could almost hear him fiddling with something in his hands, though I had no idea what it could be. A knife but … more complicated than that.
There wasn’t much else to my plan other than fighting my way out by either killing or maiming him and then hoping I could have an easy escape. It was just as likely that I’d die out there, by the hands of his crew that enjoyed torturing me and defiling me just as much as he did. But on the chance that I could get out alive, I didn’t know where my feet would carry me.
The truth was, after everything was said and done, I would do what I could to get back to Javier. I would go to Puente Grande and beg to see him, just for a moment, knowing full well he would hate me. Possibly even kill me. But even though I was sure he wouldn’t believe me when I told him I never wanted any of this, I at least had to let him know. He was still everything I had and I never did any of the horrible things I did because I stopped loving him.
How fucking pathetic was I? I was hiding in the dark from a psychotic torturer, plotting my escape, and my heart kept clinging to love.
Javier would have been so disappointed in me.
“You know, Luisa,” Esteban went on, slowly. Though his tone was edgier now, his voice was still aimed at the spot I used to be. He thought I was still sitting there in the dark. I wondered how long it would take for his eyes to adjust or if he’d mistaken the dark shadows for me. “Everything good thing must come to an end. You must think of yourself as a good thing, don’t you? After all you were the beauty queen of San Jose del Cabo. That must have done wonders for your self-esteem, for your impression of your own life. Didn’t it?”
I kept my breathing as quiet as possible and started along the bed again. It was agonizing going so slow but I knew I couldn’t mess it up by being impatient.
“Such a beauty they must have called you,” he said. I heard his footsteps, now right across from me but heading toward the wall. “That’s how you caught the eye of Salvador Reyes, isn’t it? You were so damn fucking pretty that he had to make you his wife.” His voice become lower, almost a conspiratorial whisper. “Don’t you know that if you didn’t have your beauty, you wouldn’t be worth anything to anyone at all? Do you think Javier would have been so enraptured by you if you were fat and ugly, if your body at all reflected the kind of person you really are? No, of course not. But you got another free pass in your life’s ride, while everyone else in this country suffers.”
He was baiting me, getting me to snap back, to say something that would give him an excuse to beat me, even though he could find an excuse in anything. I had to literally bite my tongue, thick and swollen from lack of water, to prevent myself from saying what I really wanted to. Esteban must have grown up so damn jealous of everyone around him that it didn’t matter what sex you were, he wanted what you had and he felt entitled to take it.
“It’s not fair, Luisa,” he said and now his voice was cracking with anger. “It’s not fair that you got to have everything you did. And loving parents too? How fucking dare you!” He paused then took in a deep breath. When he spoke again, he was calmer. Ice. “I took Javier away from you. I took your cartel, your purpose. I’ll take your parents soon, too. But now, tonight, I’m taking away something you never deserved to have. Your beauty.”
My eyes widened as I heard the sharp scrape of rusty scissors being yanked open.
“Now are you going to be a good little girl or what?” he asked as he ran blindly forward, his footsteps echoing loudly.
I moved as quickly and quietly as I could, willing myself not to panic, to make noise, but it was hard when he yelled, “Where are you, you little bitch!?” and began to run around the edge of the room.
I heard him bump into the bed, swearing and grunting angrily, too close now for comfort. I had to run for it.
I started for the door, guided by the light underneath it and went for the lock. My hands groped for it, my heart on fire and nerves alight as panic threatened to consume me. I clumsily found the handle, then tried to place where the lock would be but by the time my fingers closed over it, it was too late.
Esteban was behind me and stabbed the scissors down into my shoulder, slicing through flesh, muscle, bone. An image of the chicken I ate flashed in my eyes, the way their bones could break, but it also reminded me of what I had in my hands.