"So do you like being part of the biker club, then?" I asked. I wasn't sure how to ask what I wanted to ask, wasn't sure if it was rude.
No, scratch that. I was sure it was rude. What I wanted to ask was how the hell she did it, marrying a man who was a criminal, having a kid with him, following him to Colorado on the run from whatever the hell trouble they were in. I just didn't understand it.
I would never do something like that, I thought. I just couldn't see myself following someone like that anywhere. Then I had the nagging thought that maybe I just didn't love anyone that much.
"Yeah," April said. "I know it's weird from the outside. Trust me, I know. I used to have more civilian friends than biker ones, but that changed over the years. But I remember when I was mostly friends with civilians, how they looked at me when I went to hang out at the club on the weekends. They thought I was getting, well, you know - " April leaned forward in her chair, glancing at MacKenzie playing happily in the grass before she lowered her voice.
"They thought I was getting raped or gang banged or something. I mean, something must be wrong with me or I must be into some kind of kinky shit if I was hanging around a bunch of bikers. Don't get me wrong. I was wild. But after a while, it became like my family. Then I met Crunch, and it was my family. He was my family."
"I don't think many people understand it," I said. I sure didn't. The only thing I really knew about outlaw bikers was what I'd seen on television. Of course, now that I thought about it, there were rumors about a couple of the enlisted guys who worked for me during deployment, a couple of the corpsmen- that they were hang arounds with a biker gang. I didn't know what that meant at the time, and I didn't want to know.
"No," April said. "Most people don't want to understand, either."
"Do you ever get tired of it, though?"
April didn't answer right away, rocking back and forth in her chair for a bit before she opened her mouth. “The truth?” she asked. “Yeah, of course I get tired of it. We didn’t have a kid when Crunch and I were first together. It was just the two of us. I was a lot more okay with risk-taking back then, you know? But now, MacKenzie's around. I don't want this kind of life for her."
“That makes sense,” I said. I could understand the part about risk-taking. Despite everything I told myself about wanting to settle down, there was still a big part of me that liked an adrenaline rush, the feeling of being on edge. It's one of the things that drew me to the military.
“Don’t get me wrong,” April said. “We love the club. They gave Crunch a place after he went to the Pen. Tank saw to that. There aren’t a lot of employers that are going to want you after you’ve been to the Pen for embezzlement, you know. Even criminal ones. So, we’re very grateful for that.”
I nodded. "Of course."
"It's just that Joe and I talk about whether we want MacKenzie to grow up in this, find a biker like her old man." She paused, looking at me. “I’d rather have MacKenzie grow up to do something with herself, be a doctor like you.”
I laughed nervously. If only she knew. “I’m not a doctor anymore. I gave up all of that, came back home. So you probably don’t want her to be like me, actually, wasting her education.”
“No,” April said, adamantly. “I do want her to be like you. You had a choice, at least - to come home or stay and do what you were doing. I want Mac to have a choice. It’s a choice I never had growing up. My choices were to strip or be a cashier at the grocery store. I chose stripping." She laughed, the sound bitter.
“What does Crunch think about it?” I asked.
April exhaled. “He would never say anything bad about the club. And -" She held her hand up. “Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying anything bad about Inferno, either. But he’s talked about me and Mac going somewhere else for a little while.”
I nodded. “I can understand wanting to get away.”
April opened her mouth to say something else, but then I heard MacKenzie squeal.
“Look!” MacKenzie yelled. “Uncle Axe is on a horse!”
I looked up to see Cade riding across the field atop a lathered Bay-colored horse, heading the barn. Sitting tall in the saddle, wearing his cowboy hat and boots, he looked like something out of an old western. Behind him, the setting sun painted the sky and landscape a rainbow of pinks and reds. A memory of us riding together flashed in my mind's eye, and I couldn't shake it, the feeling of deja vu. I felt the familiar feeling of arousal rush through me, just watching him ride.
"Can I ride a horse while I'm here?" MacKenzie asked. Her voice shook me out of my head, and I cleared my throat.
"Of course, honey," I said. "I'm sure Mr. Austin will let you get up on one of the horses." I looked over to where Cade had been, but he was gone, already inside the barn. I turned toward MacKenzie. "You just tell Mr. Austin you want to ride a horse. I think he'll like that."
“He looks real good on the back of that horse, doesn’t he?” April stood beside me, and I could feel her gaze on my face.