“Listen, if you don’t want to go, I won’t force you, but I’d really like you to. Emily missed seeing you last night and you know Georgie and Deck.”
If anyone could say they knew Deck.
Ream sat on the edge of the bed and I hastily bent my knees so the duvet tented and he didn’t notice Crisis’ breathing.
If he found him under the covers in my bed . . .
“I’d rather not. I have studying to do.” Crisis’ hand brushed against my calf and my heart leapt. I swallowed and shifted away, but it wasn’t far enough because my body knew he was there. My mind did, too, and I had no way to control the intense sensations roaring through me.
“I want you part of my life, sis.”
God, this was insanely awkward. I was completely turned on and my brother was sitting on the bed beside me.
Ream sighed and looked down at his hands. “I shouldn’t have left. I guess I thought with Olaf dead that you were safe and, well, you never seem to want me around. Any of us. ”
I stayed silent because I couldn’t lie to him. He was right, at least that was how I had felt. Not so much anymore. After years being a prisoner, trapped within a shell of a girl I’d never had a chance to grow into, I needed time alone, to heal, repair the holes, find who I was now, not who I’d been for twelve years.
He continued, “You know, if you want, I can teach you how to drive. I didn’t realize you were interested; otherwise, I would’ve offered before we left for the tour. I can buy you a car and—”
I stiffened. “Ream. No. I don’t want you buying me anything more. I already live here and you support me and pay for school.”
“You’re my sister. Of course I would.”
I saw the pain in his expression, the tight brows over his concerned eyes. He took so much of what happened to me onto himself. The drugs, the rape—he blamed himself for not seeing it. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Jesus, Angel.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It was. I should’ve seen what was happening. What Gerard was doing.”
“I hid it from you, Ream. I didn’t want you to know.”
He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head into his hands. “Why Haven? Why? You know I would’ve stopped it.”
I didn’t reach for him; I wasn’t in that place yet to do that with Ream. We were still so far apart even sitting next to one another. “I was scared.” He looked at me and I saw the tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t see you go back down in the basement again.”
He swore beneath his breath.
“Maybe it was my turn to keep us safe.”
“But you weren’t safe.” Ream’s voice raised and Crisis’ hand tightened around my calf.
“And neither were you,” I stated.
He was quiet for a second, then, “What did Olaf and Alexa do to you?”
“What happened doesn’t matter anymore.” My brother could never know about the club or about Charlie; he’d never forgive himself.
“Of course it does. Jesus. You matter. And I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.”
I met his eyes, refusing to waver as I said, “I can’t.” No, I wouldn’t.
“Then talk to someone else. Please.” He raised his hand as if to reach for me, but changed his mind and drew back.
He’d tried to get me to see a therapist Emily once had gone to, but there was no chance I was letting out the demons that lived lurking inside. I knew what would happen . . . I couldn’t survive the pain. I raised my chin and met my brother’s eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it with anyone. When I escaped, it ended. Gerard, Alexa, Olaf, they’re dead and so is what happened.”
The muscles in his neck throbbed and there was a moment I thought he’d fight me on it. “Yeah.”
I scooted up further on the bed trying to move away from Crisis, whose hand gently caressed my lower leg. I knew it was meant to be reassuring after what he’d just overheard, but I had a sweet ache between my legs and I needed to get away.
“You okay?” Ream had always been stoic and intense with this cool wash of distance to him. I’d noticed since I’d been back, he’d changed. Softer, although still overprotective.
“Yeah. I’m good.” Except Crisis was in my bed, stroking my leg and I was getting turned on.
Ream’s brow lowered as he looked at the bed where the duvet had settled over Crisis. Shit. I coughed as I shuffled the duvet. “I better get up.”
“Sure. Yeah.” Ream glanced once more at the duvet then rose and walked to the door. “If you change your mind about brunch, we’re leaving at eleven.”
I nodded.
The door quietly clicked closed and I threw back the covers hiding Crisis. He rested his chin on his hands. “Pink negligee? You know that’s my favorite color, right?”
“I didn’t buy it.”
He grinned. “And definitely nice legs. Runner’s calves.”
This is what I liked about Crisis. He didn’t bring up the conversation with my brother because he knew I wouldn’t want to talk about it. He let it slide and was his usual self.
“You’re a good guy, Crisis.” I had no idea why I said it. Crisis didn’t need an ego boost, but sometimes, I wondered if he really knew that he was.
He never said anything and I didn’t expect him to, but his grin faded and he stared at me with those bright blue eyes. My breathing picked up to match my racing heartbeat as I imagined him grabbing me and pulling me underneath him, his mouth crashing down on mine. I pictured tasting him for the first time, feeling his weight on top of me, not suffocating but protective and warm. I wanted his hands on my body, touching every crevice while I explored his. I licked my dry lips and his eyes darted to them.