I sat on the end of the bed, shoulders erect, unflinching as he stared back at me. “Maybe I need you to leave me alone.” It was stupid remark, but what I really needed was to forget what just happened and just be normal. The problem was, I had no clue what normal felt like.
He laughed. “Look what happened when you said that last time.” He pushed away from the dresser and strode toward me, one hand in his jeans pocket and the other clenched into a fist at his side. He stopped directly in front of me and I had to crank my neck up to look at him.
“What do you want from me, Crisis?” I was an out-of-control sled, sliding down a mountain and I couldn’t stop the words. “We texted because it was part of the deal, that’s it.”
His brows lowered even further over his eyes and it made him appear hazardous. My stomach unsettled and it wasn’t because I was nervous around him, but because I put that look there.
Crisis crouched like he’d done in the stables months ago, but this time, he put his hands on my thighs. I should’ve moved away, felt uneasy with him touching me, but I didn’t. His hands weren’t groping or prodding; they were steady and calming. “That’s not it. And we didn’t do it because of some goddamn deal. We both know that.”
My breath hitched and his hands tightened on my thighs. Then I caved because it was wrong. What I said was a lie and I’d never lied to him. I’d used avoidance maybe, but never lied.
“Yeah.”
He sighed, stood and gently ran his hand over the top of my head before striding toward the door. “I’ll tell Dana you’re staying in. We can watch a movie and order pizza.”
“No. I want to go.” I paused then added. “I need to do this.”
“Why?”
“I just . . .”
“You have nothing to prove, Haven.” Crisis had his hand on the doorknob, his back stiff. “But if you think you do, then we’re coming with you. Kite can be the DD.”
“No. You can’t.” I didn’t want the attention he dragged with him.
He glanced over his shoulder at me. I did a quick scan of his face. He wasn’t scowling. He wasn’t smiling either. His brows were drawn together and he looked . . . pensive. Contemplative.
“I can. And we are. And don’t change. Nuns are a sweet-ass fantasy of mine.” He jerked open the door and shut it behind him.
I collapsed back on the bed, arms outstretched above my head, clasping the pillow and pulling it over my face. My screwed-up mind was short-circuiting.
Something had triggered the memory. A hand on my shoulder wouldn’t normally set me off, but my emotions were shooting off like pellets and I needed to run again.
The wind pushed against the windowpane and I trembled. Closing my eyes, I sang to myself, the sound muffled under the protection of the pillow.
16 years old
“HAVEN?” THERE WAS a light tapping on my door and my eyelids peeled open. My eyes rolled back in my head before refocusing.
Gerard stiffened, his hands locked onto my wrists, pressing them into the mattress on either side of me. “Answer him,” he spat into my ear. “Tell him you’re in bed already.”
I was too drugged up to refuse, my haze a spiralling spectrum of colors in my surreal dreams. Gerard’s voice was wonky and deep as if he was talking in slow motion.
A sudden hard sting hit my cheek. “Tell the little fuck to go away.”
“Sis? You missed classes again. I need to talk to you. Let me in.”
My head twisted to the side, the pillow easing the burning in my face from Gerard’s slap. There was a loud banging on the door and I stared at it, the wood appearing as if it warped and pulsed with the sound of his fist.
Cruel hands gripped my shoulders and shook me violently. My neck whipped back and forth as if it was attached to my body by a thin layer of skin. “Damn it. Answer him before he breaks down the damn door,” he growled in a low whisper, the heat of his breath wafting onto the spot just below my ear lobe. It tickled and I tried to move away, not liking the feeling, knowing I didn’t like what was happening to me, but being unable to do anything about it. I wanted to go back to the haze, the escape, but Gerard hovered above me, his glaring eyes furious.
I watched a bead of sweat appear at his hairline, dribble down to his right brow then drip onto his eyelash and disappear. His heavy weight lay on top of me and my nightgown was scrunched up above my breasts. The smothering heat of his revolting skin blanketed me and I had to get away, but my limbs were pathetic and weak, as if they were trapped in quicksand.
“Haven!” Ream shouted. One loud bang sounded on the door.
“Ream,” I answered in a soft ragged voice.
Gerard leaned closer, grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head up so that his mouth was against my ear. “Tell him you’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
Pain ripped through my scalp, awakening some form of reality of what was happening. “Tomorrow,” I managed to get out.
“No. Now. Something’s wrong. Let me in.”
Gerard swore under his breath. “Pull your shit together. You have two minutes to get rid of him or he’s dead.” He rolled off me and went into the closet.
I tried to focus, but my vision was blurry and everything was distorted, but I had to let him in before he broke down the door and Gerard came out of the closet and killed him.
“Okay,” I said, but it took me a while to get to the door and I could hear the floor creaking under my brother’s feet outside as he paced back and forth.