I blinked at his words, not to mention his sneak attack, and pulled at his hand at my neck.
It tightened so I stopped pulling and asked, “What?”
“Since Faye had the baby, you’ve been off.”
“I have not,” I replied. “I’ve been me. And, by the way, I acted not me today because Rich put me on edge.”
He ignored my second statement and returned to his earlier theme.
“You miss my calls, when you never missed my calls. You call back hours later, but only if I leave a message. You never call me, which you used to do just because. And you’re comin’ to my place later and later, or textin’ me to ask me to show at yours later and later ’cause you supposedly have shit to do.”
“I’m one man down at the yard and in the middle of hiring a temporary replacement who actually won’t be a temporary replacement once Dane goes down, so he has to be the right guy for the job,” I reminded him.
“You shiftin’ lumber?” he asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Then you gotta put an ad in the paper and sift through applications, Emme. It isn’t like you’re out in the yard workin’ shoulder to shoulder with your boys.”
I felt my back get straight and my eyes get squinty. “You don’t know all the ins and outs of my job, honey.”
“I know hirin’ one guy doesn’t take five extra hours of your day, babe.”
“I didn’t say it was taking five extra hours,” I shot back.
“Then why are you suddenly unavailable pretty much all f**kin’ day?” he asked. “Unavailable when before I always got you.”
“We’re settling in, Jacob. Before, what we have was just starting. Fresh. New. Now it’s a part of life.”
“Emmanuelle, we been seein’ each other not even two months. It’s still just starting. And, babe, just sayin’, that just starting feeling is the best one to have so maybe we might want to hold onto that for as long as we can.”
“I have a life, Jacob. I have to live it and fit us in it.”
This was the wrong thing to say.
I knew it when he pulled away, dropping his hand from my neck, and said, “Sorry, babe. Had no idea it would be tough for you to fit me in. Fit in gettin’ to know my folks. Put a little effort into makin’ my dad like you. Shoulda had a mind to that.”
He was taking this too far.
“That’s not what I meant,” I snapped.
“It’s what you said,” he fired back.
I pulled in a ragged, annoyed breath.
Then I said, “Maybe we should finish this after your folks go home, or at least when they’re not just down the hall.”
He shook his head and stated bizarrely, “Told you, it started happening, Emme, I’d put a stop to it.”
I felt my brows draw together and asked, “Stop what?”
“You disconnecting.”
Another sneak attack, one I responded to physically.
I took a half step back and whispered, “I’m not disconnecting.”
“You totally f**kin’ are.” His eyes on me grew intense and he went on, “Just don’t get what tripped it. But whatever tripped it, I’m putting a stop to it.”
“Jacob—”
“And I’m doin’ it by sayin’ you’re spending the night. You don’t, we got problems. And tomorrow, you’re gonna suck it up and give it another go with my dad. He knows you, my Emme, the Emme you give me when you aren’t pullin’ away, he’ll love you. Then, when they leave, we’re gonna sit down and talk about a variety of shit.”
I wasn’t doing any of that and therefore informed him, “I’m not down with that plan, Jacob.”
“I don’t give a f**k, Emmanuelle.”
It was definitely time to lay it out but what I had to lay out could not be overheard.
So I got close and whispered, “Okay, I was late. That was bad. I forgot. That was worse. I shouldn’t have done either, but I apologized. I know you love him and you’re close but it was your dad who was uncool with me, Jacob. All day. And if you’re so close with him and can’t see it, hark back to how your mom reacted to it. She was not pleased because she knows, like I know, it was uncool.”
“He wants his son to be happy and a woman who doesn’t give a shit enough about a meet with his parents to remember it and then acts like she’d rather be anywhere else, say, nailed to a cross, is not gonna be the kind of woman who might make his son happy.”
It kind of sucked that he could be funny when we were arguing.
I powered through Jacob being funny.
“Uh… pointing out, I did want to be somewhere else seeing as your dad wasn’t being cool with me. And now I want to be somewhere else seeing as you aren’t being cool with me.”
Jacob held my eyes a moment, looked to his boots then he looked back at me and instigated yet another sneak attack.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I felt those words like a body blow and lost my breath.
Like the first time he said them.
Which was the only time he said them.
“Love you, Emme. Said it once, haven’t said it again. You said it, haven’t heard it again. So I’m gonna make it clear. I love you, baby, and I feel you disconnecting from me. You love me and I hope me tellin’ you that’s what I’m feelin’ means something, enough of something for you to listen and help me put stop to it.”
My voice was gentler when I said, “I’m not disconnecting, honey.”
“Feel it, Emme.”
I didn’t want that. I never wanted that. Not ever.
To stop it, I whispered, “I love you too, Jacob.”
His eyes closed, relief sweeping through his handsome face.
Such relief, it rocked me.
Such relief it made me ask myself, was I disconnecting?
Before my mind could answer that question, he moved fast. Lifting both hands, he put them to my neck, sliding them up in my hair and he got close. But he brought his face closer.
“You’re right. All day, my dad was a dick. You forgot, you were late, that was disappointing. I didn’t get it, but you apologized. I talked to him, didn’t help for long. Tomorrow, he pulls that shit again, I’ll take your back. But Emme,” his voice now held a warning, “we had our chat, he didn’t hear me. So tomorrow, if he makes me do it again, I’m not gonna take him outside to say what I gotta say. To make my point, I’m just gonna let fly. Today, I had a mind to you bein’ not yourself. Tomorrow, I’ll do what I gotta do. You need to be prepared for that.”
That didn’t sound like fun.
Therefore, I suggested, “Maybe you should give him a safe place and talk to him in the morning with me not being around.”
“And maybe we should make the statement that you’re here, this is your safe place, my home or anything that has to do with me, and he has to have a mind to that.”
His suggestion was better.
And his words were amazing.
In this entire messy discussion, I knew a few things for certain. If it wasn’t important, Jacob wouldn’t have mentioned it. If he said he was feeling something from me, he was feeling it. And if he was feeling something, maybe there was something to feel.
Which turned my mind to the fact that, bottom line, I forgot about meeting his parents. That was crazy. He was right. I’d known for weeks they were coming and we’d made plans I should never have forgotten. I’d never met a boyfriend’s parents, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know it was important.
I wasn’t flighty. I wasn’t forgetful.
I didn’t know how it happened. I just knew it did.
And it shouldn’t have.
Therefore, it was time to backtrack.
I lifted my hands to his chest, leaned in and admitted, “I screwed up. I don’t know what I was thinking. How I got caught up in what I was doing and forgot. I don’t even know why I started doing what I got caught up in doing. What I do know is, screwing up so bad, I got nervous and that’s why I was funny with you today.” My voice dropped. “And the more your dad came at me, the more nervous I got, the worse it got. But it wasn’t your dad. It started with me, and for that, I’m truly sorry, honey.”
Jacob’s eyes held mine a moment, they did this intensely, and it wasn’t comfortable mostly because it felt like he was trying to see through my eyes to read the words written on my soul.
Fortunately, it was just a moment before he moved in for a lip touch, which felt really sweet since that was Jacob’s way of accepting my apology.
He pulled back and one of his hands stayed in my hair. The other one slid down my spine and he wrapped his arm around me.
“Over and done,” he murmured but his gaze never left mine as he asked, “Were you nervous about meeting them?”
I didn’t think I was. People liked me. I didn’t think I was the awesomest person on the planet but I wasn’t a bitch.
But maybe that was it. Maybe it was latent nerves, I woke up that morning, and because of that, blocked it and acted like an idiot. And maybe that was why I’d been being weird lately, giving Jacob the vibe I was pulling away.