Not that I’m expecting anything with him.
But still… the prospect of a hot, one-night stand with him is a thrilling prospect. It’s so not me… the anti-heroine.
Do I have the daring to do it? It’s something I need to consider, but one thing is for sure, if I do… I’ll have to do the pursuing, because he made it clear that I had to voice what I wanted. The thought of doing something so outrageous, so beyond the limits of my comfort, makes me slightly nauseated.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t have it in me. He’s exactly right. I’m always going to be the woman that waits for the guy to make the move… to save me… to give me an orgasm. I don’t have it in me to be the seducer.
Sighing in frustration, I open up the last cage and reach in past a sleeping black and orange tabby to pull the litter box closer to me.
“What’s with the dramatic sigh?” Brody asks.
“Nothing,” I say absently, and then I change my mind. Brody has hard life experiences, and from those experiences, untold amounts of wisdom which I intend to tap into. “Actually… have you ever felt like you were just stagnating… just running in place without any idea of where you’d go if you could ever get off your hamster wheel?”
“I’m happy to say ‘no’ to that answer,” Brody says as he closes the last cage that he was working on. Turning to me, he leans up against the metal housing and shoves his hands in his pockets as he waits for me to enlighten him.
“Never?” I ask in slight disbelief. “Not even after you got out of prison?”
“Not even then,” he confirms. “I didn’t have any ambitions or goals at that point, so there wasn’t anything to stagnate. I was satisfied with just being, if you know what I mean.”
I don’t know what he means, but I could imagine. Brody’s charmed life of medical school and a prosperous future were ripped away when he went to prison. Since getting out last spring, he was absolutely content to just sling drinks at Last Call and hide himself away from the rest of the world. Thank God Alyssa reached through to him… got him to want to live life again to the fullest. Now he runs The Haven with her and couldn’t be happier.
It’s what I want.
To be absolutely happy with my profession… my life… my world. I want to get off the freakin’ hamster wheel of mediocrity.
“So I take it you feel like you’re stagnating?” Brody asks as he pins me with his eyes.
“Think about it,” I tell him in a rush. “I have a degree that’s practically useless, I got laid off from my job with which I had hope to put said degree to use, I clean houses for a living now, and oh, yeah, I work for a sleazy photographer who comes on to me every chance he can, and I have to put up with it because I need the job too damn bad. On top of that, I haven’t even started looking for something else, because I don’t know what the hell to do with my life. No fortitude… no drive. I’m an anti-heroine.”
Brody’s eyebrows rise high, and he gives me a smirk. “That’s a mouthful. Got anything else?”
“I’m done,” I mutter quietly, feeling dejected over the lameness of my life. We both walk out of the cats’ housing and head to the large supply shed so we can load up on restocking supplies in the kennel room.
As we reach the door, Brody reaches out and touches my shoulder to stop me. “Savannah… you have more fortitude and spine than most people I know. Don’t forget what you did… one of the bravest things I’ve ever heard of in my life,” he murmurs.
My skin prickles at his pointed reminder to me of a past that is filled with fear, pain, humiliation, and oddly… achievement.
“That was so long ago,” I protest as I turn to step inside the supply shed.
“Not so long ago,” he argues softly. “It speaks of who you are at the fundamental core of things.”
His words press in upon me. Really? Is he right? Do I have more resolve and moxie than even I give myself credit for?
He’s talking about a secret I once shared with him and Alyssa… that’s really not a secret, because it was splashed all through the newspapers back in Indiana. I went through hell during my senior year of high school, taking on a predatory monster and his super wealthy, socially connected family. I was bullied, berated, and mocked for my actions. I lost my closest friends and caused my parents’ untold anguish what with the eggs being thrown at our house and the late night, threatening phone calls. I was called a whore, a liar, and made into a public spectacle.
But in the end, I stuck to my guns and I won. I was vindicated, and I went through untold torture to get to the finish line. I stuck my chin out, stiffened my spine, and I never gave up.
Yeah, Brody is right… that was definitely my shining moment in life. I had something within me to battle against evil, and I never gave up. I never waited for someone to save me. I saved myself.
Gavin Cooke doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Anti-heroine my ass.
11
I hear something… a creak maybe… down on the first floor, and my ears perk up. Glancing at the time on my laptop, I see it’s getting close to ten o’clock and I’m on f**king pins and needles waiting for Savannah to get here. I even left my office door open this morning so I could hear when she arrived. So I could, by chance as far as she knew, go down into the kitchen to get something—a bottle of water maybe—and see her.