Cade called Daniel on his drive to the gym. “Hey, man, I need you to box with me.”
“Now? I’m actually just finishing at the gym, but I’ll wait up for you.”
Cade stormed into the huge building, rented privately for two hours a day just for six of them—a group of billionaires called the Sexy Sixpacks among the gym owners—so they could work the shit out of themselves without having a dozen women ogling, and other dickheads just staring. Graves, Daniel, Luke, Cade, and Andrew, and another billionaire whose name remained anonymous to all.
Today, only Daniel was in the premises as Cade flung his duffel to the floor, yanked off his T-shirt, and shoved his hands into his boxing gloves. Daniel was one of his oldest friends. He was the most centered, focused man Cade knew, and after Luke, the second to get engaged recently.
Cade wished he were the sort of man who could ask for advice from a man like Daniel. But the times when he most needed advice were the times when Cade felt even more withdrawn and reclusive, the words proving too hard to find. And whenever some words did manage to get past the labyrinth of his chest, they only seemed to be curse words to insult and lash out.
But then, he knew his friend would understand what Cade needed right now without even having to say a word. Daniel was already putting on his gloves. He was as tall and broad as Cade, except he was blond rather than dark haired, and since he’d already put in an hour’s workout, he was at a slight disadvantage and was probably going to get his ass kicked.
They jumped into the ring, each on opposite ends, and as soon as they hit the center, Cade landed the first powerful punch and knocked him down to the ground.
Scowling, Daniel spit on the floor and jumped back up, then used one glove to urge Cade back down to the boxing heavy bag. “Work it out first, man, what the hell’s wrong with you? What the hell happened to warm-up?”
“You’re already warm, dickhead, and I feel like getting killed tonight.”
“Shut up and hit that sucker.”
Cade immediately pummeled the hundred-pound heavy bag for a couple of minutes until he was sweating and breathless and his ab muscles were aching. But still, he was tormented. Ivy was going to be okay, the doctor said, but he was so angry he couldn’t calm down, was afraid to believe it, was afraid she was lying to him, still hiding things from him.
“Ivy,” he said after a couple of minutes, panting as he hit the dangling red leather bag again and again.
Daniel watched him with a slight frown. “Luke told us you’re with someone, man. I’m so happy for you, Cade. You deserve it.”
No, he didn’t deserve it. Obviously he didn’t.
He punched the bag, alternating, right hook, left hook, right jab, left jab, then faster, faster, until he sucked in some air and hugged his arms around the bag, closing his eyes as he struggled for breath. “She had … cancer.”
“What? What do you mean? She had cancer? Is it gone now?”
Cade angrily gritted his teeth, pushed back and pounded the heavy sack so hard it started swinging side to side with each punch. “Fucking holy fucking goddamned shit!” He hit it until the blows made every muscle in his body work, made his heart pump, his lungs burst. “Fucking holy fucking goddamned fucking shit, Daniel!”
“Cade, shit man, calm down! We’re all at risk here. Hell, the roof could fall on me any second now and I’d be dead. Come on, man, box with me, I feel like getting my face rearranged.” Daniel hopped back into the ring, and Cade followed him up, tapping his gloves together as they got into their positions.
He swung and missed when Daniel ducked. Daniel landed an uppercut that sent pain up to his brain. God, it felt good. Good.
“Are you afraid it will happen to you all over again? Like with Laura?” Daniel asked.
Cade rubbed his jaw and then got in position. “No, man, this time it feels so much worse.”
He jabbed Daniel’s ribs, then slammed his friend’s jaw with a hook that shot his head sideways. Danny spit out some blood, then straightened, shook his muscles, and positioned again. “That serious, huh?”
Cade bounced boxer style as his eyebrows drew low over his eyes, keeping his guard up as Daniel swung his way. “We’ve never said it,” Cade growled as he ducked and halted a hit with his right arm, then he squatted and swung back up to slam a good one on Daniel’s jaw again. “We pretend it’s not serious.”
Hell, they said they were playing, but now Cade knew the only one being played had been him.
Cade’s guard faltered as he thought of her in his bed right now, with that strange little wig and her big vulnerable eyes, and Daniel hit him right in the gut. Cade oofed as his breath left him in a single gust.
“You know, Cade, you’re probably working this off at the wrong place, man. Sounds like you just need a bed and your woman in it.”
“I can’t fuck her; she just got out of the hospital!” He was enraged at the suggestion, because his body liked it, instantly warmed to it, but he knew it wasn’t happening soon. Nope. Not for a lot of days. Not for many torturous, tormenting days. He didn’t even know when, damn it.
The thought of not being able to bury all this inside her made him fight with more vigor in his urge to get rid of it, and when Daniel got in a couple of punches, Cade almost growled with pleasure. He didn’t even flinch, his body impenetrable as they started pounding each other hard.
The blows were nothing compared to the painful torment inside him. He bore each hit unflinchingly, welcomed each and every one, wishing they could ease him and the storm that raged inside him now. With enough of them, maybe he could rid his mind of the image of her, in that hospital bed.
He’d lived thirty-five years without her. Thirty-five years.
He never could have imagined he would feel that his world would come crashing down on him if he had to live a single one again—just one—without her.
When they finished, Cade hopped into the showers, the water running down his face. He was afraid of seeing her … afraid of himself, his emotions.
He’d withdrawn himself from Laura. Had it been self-preservation? He didn’t know. But he’d never felt so violent like he did right now. He was afraid of hurting Ivy because, whether she liked it or not, she’d hurt the shit out of him.
All the energy he’d worked off boxing seemed to return as he drove back home and entered his apartment.