And it was breaking her heart. Walking away, turning her back on the only man her young heart had ever raced to was killing her. It hurt physically. It made her stomach cramp. It made her heart feel like a raw, aching wound.
She wanted to hide. She wanted to hide and nurse the pain and the fear. She was terrified.
Terrified of the things she knew Dawg could make her feel and terrified of the knowledge that she would do anything, commit any act he asked of her, for just one more chance to take another hot, mind-numbing kiss from his perfect lips.
She would become no more than one of a long line of Nauti playthings, and that would destroy her. She could never share him with another woman, and on the same coin, she could not have survived, emotionally, being shared.
As she moved quickly along the floating dock and over the bridge that stretched to the shore, the sound of a motorcycle moving into the parking lot beyond had her heart racing with dread.
She hadn’t just destroyed her own dreams but perhaps a friendship as well. Dawg and her brother were close friends. When the Mackay cousins weren’t busy sharing their women, Alex had invariably been in their company until he joined the military. And even now, when he returned home on leave, he spent a lot of time with Dawg and the other Mackay cousins.
This could destroy that friendship, and Alex didn’t have many friends.
The implications of the past night were racing through her soul with a power that had sobs tearing from her chest. She reached the car she had borrowed at the same time her brother pulled up to the vehicle on his motorcycle.
The powerful throb of the motor eased, then went silent as Alex extended one long leg, bracing his foot on the pavement as the other propped on the foot pedal on the other side.
He wiped his hand over his face slowly before staring out at the houseboats for a long, silent moment. This was her older brother; he had all but raised her. Her parents rarely had time for anyone but the store and themselves and whatever scheme her father had for making more money. It had left Alex with the responsibility of raising the daughter they never seemed to know what to do with.
And now he had to face the fact that his sister had obviously just had sex with not just his best friend but a sexual legend in the county. And Dawg wasn’t even twenty-five yet.
She stood still, silent, unable to stop crying as he stared back at her silently. His gray eyes were heavy with sadness, his regal, handsome face drawn into a weary expression.
“Did you tell him no?” he finally asked her gently.
She shook her head. She hadn’t even thought to tell him no.
He turned his head, staring toward Dawg’s houseboat in resignation. She could see his anger in the tight, controlled line of his lips, in the flash of dark emotion in his eyes.
His jaw bunched with it as the lean muscles in his shoulders and arms flexed warningly.
“Did you want to tell him no?”
She shook her head again, shaking beneath the knowledge in his eyes.
She couldn’t have told Dawg no if her life had depended on it. Each touch, each kiss had been a fantasy come to life.
He nodded slowly. “Let’s go home then. We can talk about it there. No sense in making things worse by lingering out here long enough for anyone to see you. If you want to keep this quiet, you’re going to have to pretend it didn’t happen.” His gaze sharpened then. “Do you want to keep it quiet, Crista?”
“Yes.” She bit her trembling lips as she swiped at her tears. “Oh God, Alex. I just want to get out of here.”
“Do you have your keys?”
She dug them out of the pocket of her shorts and quickly unlocked the door before jerking it open.
“Crista.” His voice, despite its gentleness, resonated with a dark, hidden fury. “Was he alone?”
Her hand gripped the doorframe as she met his gaze. “It was just Dawg and me, Alex. I swear.”
This time. She knew if it happened again, if she dared to let it ever repeat, then it wouldn’t be just Dawg.
And when that happened, Dawg would make an enemy of her brother for life.
“Let’s go home, Crista.” He breathed out roughly. “I’ll follow you.”
As they pulled from the driveway, she couldn’t help the sob that tore from her chest again or the fear that rolled through her.
She had cried last night when he touched her the first time. Because she had dreamed of it for so long. Because he had stroked more than just her body, kissed more than her lips. He had touched that inner core of her being that she hadn’t realized could be possessed. When his fingers had parted the folds between her thighs and his expression had hardened with lust, he had wet his fingers on her juices, then brought them to his lips, his lashes lowering sensually at the taste of her.
A second later he had dipped his fingers between her thighs again and brought them to her lips.
And she hadn’t been able to deny him. She hadn’t been able to deny him a single thing in the hours they had spent touching and tasting each other.
Everything he had asked of her, she had given. God help her if he ever had her that weak again.
She would never be able to deny him. Never be able to hold on to her pride or her soul. Because if he shared her, he would break her heart forever. But if he asked it of her, she knew she would never be strong enough to tell him no.
“God! You’re so f**king hot. So tight. So tight, Crista. So tight that when Rowdy and Natches get their dicks inside you, you’ll destroy us all… ” She hadn’t heard the rest of the statement; her mind had shut down. Her soul had withered in her chest.
She had to get away from Dawg, because if she didn’t, he would own her soul. And that terrified her more than the thought of leaving her home ever had. She would never be able to defend herself. She knew his touch now, knew his kiss, and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would never love anyone as she loved Dawg Mackay.
ONE
Somerset, Kentucky
Eight Years Later
It was a nightmare.
No, it wasn’t a nightmare, because she was pretty damned sure she was awake. And in nightmares, bullets weren’t real. They weren’t real, and they weren’t exploding around the warehouse like hellish fireflies destroying everything they lodged inside.
Nightmares came with a certain understanding that it was a dream, not real. This was definitely real, and if something really good didn’t happen very soon, then she was going to have holes in her body that were not supposed to be there.