Jenna nodded. “Your mother sounds like a very wise woman.”
“I don’t know about that. She isn’t without her own faults and failures. But knowing she failed and picked herself up and started over made me believe I could do the same thing.”
“Then it sounds like she knows what she’s talking about. The voice of experience and all that.”
“Yeah, I listened to her advice and I took the leap.”
“Was it scary?”
“Scary as hell. And I did fail a few times. Got my ass kicked down to the farm clubs, had to work my way back up. Learned along the way that you have to work hard to succeed in this sport, the wrong attitude will get you sent down faster than you can spit, and the cream rises to the top.”
“You’ve obviously had a successful career, so you’ve done some things right.”
He nodded. “Some things, yeah. But lurking right around the corner is failure. You can’t overthink everything. Like those losses we’ve had recently. Spending time dwelling on them doesn’t help. If all you focus on is the failures, you can’t keep your eyes on success. I don’t think any athlete—or any performer—ever forgets that. If they do forget it, they’re likely to fail.”
“So what you’re telling me is I’m not the only one who’s afraid.”
He rubbed his thumb over her the top of her hand. “No, babe. You’re not the only one.”
“I’ll give it some thought.”
“Maybe you could start by singing in front of your family.”
Her eyes widened. “No. I can’t.”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you’re giving your family enough credit. They seem really supportive.”
“Yeah. They’re incredibly supportive. That’s the problem.”
He frowned. “I don’t get it.”
She rubbed her temple. “I know you don’t.”
“Then explain it to me. Your parents seem to love all their kids. I don’t think it would matter what they did. Either way, you have to start somewhere. How else will you achieve your dreams? What do you want to do?”
“I’ve told you before. I’m already doing—”
He put his fingers to her lips. “No, really. What are your dreams? Be straight with me. What would you really love to do with your life?”
Jenna was about to brush Ty off with another lame excuse, but they’d really gotten into a deep and heavy conversation tonight, and he’d opened up to her about some of his own fears. It was only right to be as open and honest as he’d been.
“Honestly, one of the things I’ve often thought about is opening a second Riley’s, only this one for singing. Like the karaoke club we went to that night. But this one would be different. Instead of an occasional open mic night like they had, it would always be open mic night. And we’d bring in live bands instead of using a karaoke machine. Just a music bar. With no television screens.”
He laughed. “Obviously you’ve given this a lot of thought.”
She shrugged. “Now and then.”
“I think that’s a great idea. You’d have Riley’s Sports Bar and Riley’s Music Bar.”
“Yeah. It’s a pipe dream, though.”
“Why?”
“Who would run it? I run the sports bar. My mom and dad are mostly retired now. They hardly ever show up at Riley’s, and they never work the bar anymore. I run it single-handedly. I’m responsible for the bar.”
“Does it have to be a family member running the sports bar? You have a couple assistant managers, don’t you?”
“It’s kind of a family tradition that the bar is owned and operated by family, so yes. That’s always the way it’s been. And I do have assistant managers, but they’re not family. I would never think to ask Mom and Dad to turn the operation over to them. They’re not family members.”
“I think you’re too wrapped up in this whole family thing. The main focus is on the bar and how it’s run. If you have people who run it efficiently, who cares if their last name is Riley or not? Your assistants run the bar on your nights off.”
She lifted her chin. “That’s different. It’s not on a permanent basis and our regulars know that a Riley manages the bar. That’s what they expect. That’s what my parents expect. What my dad expects. After his heart attack last year, I don’t want him to think he needs to come back to work just so I can open another bar.”
Ah. There it was. “So again, your dreams are on hold.”
“Not on hold. I have my path and I’m living it.”
“You put way too much pressure on yourself to be what everyone else needs you to be, instead of what you want to be. Why can’t you have what you want?”
“Because I can’t, and that’s just the way it is.”
It sounded more to him like she was afraid to ask for what she wanted, afraid to take that step forward to grab her dream.
And there wasn’t much Tyler could do to push her. Jenna was going to have to take those steps herself.
DAMN TYLER FOR PUTTING THE IDEA OF A SECOND BAR in her head. It was all she could think about now.
A crazy idea, one that would never, ever happen but now that it had been dredged up from the dark recesses of her dreams and fantasies folder, she couldn’t shove it back down again.
She’d started drawing up plans for a new bar a week ago. Ty was out on a road trip again, so when she wasn’t working, she had idle time on her hands. Her mind wouldn’t let the idea go.
Talking to him, really opening up to him about her childhood and what had happened, and singing for him was doing strange things to her. She’d never told anyone about her childhood. She’d never told anyone about Europe.
Why had she used Tyler as her personal confessional? Because he knew all the right questions to ask, or because he’d made it so easy to tell him? She had no idea. Admittedly, it was kind of nice. But she knew better than to stake any kind of permanence on their relationship. It was nice for right now.
Funny how things had changed so quickly now that she was sort of kind of seeing Tyler in a not really dating, but no longer just sleeping together kind of way.
When he was on the road, he texted and called her every day. She got used to hearing from him and missed him when he traveled. He told her on the phone that the next time the Ice played in Chicago she was going to have to go with him so she could meet his parents.