I nodded.
“Hope I live to see it,” she continued and my heart lurched.
“Grams—”
“Want one thing before I die: to know you’ll go on after me and do it safe and happy. That boy’s got the capacity to give you both, he doesn’t destroy you in the process. I hope I live to see him battle that blaze so he gives my girl safe and happy.”
“You’re going to make me cry,” I warned.
“Boudreaux do not cry, chère. You know that. Place to cry, on the back porch in the sun is not it.”
I pulled in a deep breath through my nose and again nodded.
“There’ll be good times, Hanna. Fill yourself up with them, hold onto them tight, ‘cause when the bad times come, you’ll need them,” she advised.
“Now you’re scaring the pants off me,” I told her.
“Boudreaux don’t show fear. There’s a place to feel fear and on the back porch in the sun is not it.”
I avoided her eyes by setting the afghan I’d finished aside and getting another one.
“Listen to your Grams, precious,” she ordered.
“I’m listening,” I told her, shaking out a blanket in preparation for folding it.
“You keep your chin up, you control tears and fear, you’ll be all right,” she told me.
“Okay,” I replied.
“Proud of you, chère,” she whispered.
I looked at her and smiled. “Love you, Grams.”
“I know, child. What do you think’s keepin’ me on this earth? Not easy to let go that kind of love. That kind of love’s got the power to hold you tethered to a world you should have left a long time ago.”
Oh my God.
Tears stung the backs of my eyes. I dropped the afghan and moved to her. Then I pulled her little, bony body in my arms and hugged her as tight as I dared.
She hugged me back.
Then she pushed me away, demanding, “Need a refill of tea. And get your boy one. He’s losin’ water.”
I pulled myself together, did as I was told and discovered I was right. Spot was lying in wait, not for cuddles but for blood. I discovered this when he hissed and launched an attack on my ankles the minute I stepped inside.
I stopped and looked down at him. “You don’t fool me, buddy. I know you love me.”
He reared back, hissed again, batted my toes then jerked away. He ran-waddled down the hall and disappeared.
I went to the kitchen, thinking that my days were filled with work and my evenings were filled with Raiden. I needed to figure out how to spend some time with KC so I could share things I needed to share without sharing things I couldn’t, and load up on more resources to fight fire so I’d be prepared when the time came.
Because no matter how good it was, and it was good, always underlying it was the understanding the time would come. I knew because I felt it and my wise grandmother told me.
And I had to be ready.
Chapter Fourteen
Scorched
Sunday evening…
I parked my Z next to Raiden’s Jeep, got out and jogged on my toes to the side steps of his place.
He’d taken off early yesterday morning on unexpected business, which stunk, but he phoned an hour ago saying he’d be home soon and telling me to meet him at his place.
So I’d had my first almost two days without Raiden in a week.
I should have taken this time to phone KC, get her up to speed and load up my resources. More to the point, I should have taken this time to phone my pregnant friend and make sure all was good in her world too. She had a toddler, a husband who worked long hours, a huge house and volunteered at three charities.
Both of us being busy, it wasn’t unusual for days to pass where we didn’t check in, even weeks sometimes. But since she had a lot going on in her life and I did, too, this was not one of those times I should allow things to slide.
I just didn’t do it. I didn’t know why.
Maybe I was holding this time precious.
Maybe I was just an idiot.
I determined I’d call her the next day as I jogged up the steps and stopped outside Raiden’s door.
I knocked, calling, “It’s me!” I turned the knob and stepped in.
Raiden was at the kitchen-ish area wearing cargos, boots and a skintight tee.
My belly fluttered. I smiled and greeted, “Hey,” as I turned and closed the door.
I turned back, saw he’d turned fully toward me and I was about to take a step toward him before he said, “Stop.”
I went still and my head tipped to the side.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Don’t move until I tell you to and then do exactly what I tell you to do.”
Oh my God.
He was in the mood to play.
Instantly, I felt myself get wet between my legs as my heart started hammering and every inch of my skin began to tingle.
He leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms on his chest, his eyes moving over me. I added my ni**les getting hard to the rest, marveling at the same time, glorying in the fact I had all that from him with a few words and a look from across a room.
As the seconds slid by, my breath began to get heavy.
Suddenly, he asked, “Trust me?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately.
“Then on all fours, baby, crawl to me and do it slowly.”
Oh God.
I didn’t know if I could do that. I didn’t know why, but I didn’t know if I could do it.
I held his eyes.
“Raiden,” I whispered.
“Do you trust me?” he semi-repeated.
I swallowed before I nodded.
“All fours, Hanna. Slow.”
I closed my eyes telling myself this was Raiden. He wouldn’t humiliate me. He wouldn’t debase me. I could trust that he would lead this to something good.
I opened my eyes again, kept them on him and slowly dropped to my knees. Keeping my head back, I fell forward to my hands.
Then, as he asked, slowly, I crawled toward him.
My stomach lurched when I was almost there and he uncrossed his arms and moved toward the bed. Confused, guessing, uncertain I liked this, the word “solitaire” on the tip of my tongue, I followed him.
He stopped at the foot of the bed.
I stopped two feet away from him, neck arched way back, eyes on his.
“Closer, Hanna, then up on your knees,” he ordered.
Fighting my nerves, I moved closer then got on my knees. I still held his gaze but my face was in line with his groin.