When he was up, he reached out a hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. My scalp tingled, the tingle shooting straight down my spine, and I wished I could touch his hair or that he’d do that again (and again) while he walked away.
I watched him go while internally shivering through the remnants of the hair tuck maneuver.
Once he was out of sight, my mind turned to the date.
I wasn’t certain how it started, but once we were over the Bodhi and Heather thing and the how into him I was thing, Raiden steered conversation to safer subjects. People in town we both knew. How great Rachelle’s café was doing. Grams. How I did up my house.
I thought, in the end, it was going well.
Conversation was easy. It flowed. There were smiles, some laughs for him and for me, the food was delicious and I’d loosened up because of my company, not to mention three glasses of wine.
The one thing that was weird was that Raiden shared zilch about himself, outside talking a bit about his Mom and more about his sister, both of whom, when he spoke of them, it was clear he cared a lot about.
But he didn’t tell me about his house when I was talking about mine. He didn’t share about what he did for work. He didn’t talk about the time he was away. In fact, it was him that led the conversation and I followed its flow, sharing generously without getting but a hint of anything personal back.
It was on this thought I realized I had to use the restroom, and this thought led to the fact I should have told Raiden that before he left. I figured he’d know where I was when he got back and saw me gone. A bonus, it would save me having to give him that information and the nerve wracking moment of walking away while he was watching.
So I grabbed my bag, moved from the table and headed in the direction of the restroom.
I got to the ladies in the back hall and put my hand on the door, but stopped dead when I heard Raiden’s voice coming from around the corner that was at the end of the hall.
“She’s clueless,” he stated.
I stared at my hand at the door, my mind going blank.
“Totally,” Raiden went on. “Hanna has no idea those two ass**les are transporting ice with her afghans.”
My breath clogged in my throat.
Ice?
As in methamphetamine?
“Yeah, it’s completely escaped her,” Raiden continued. “She thinks the girl is helpin’ her out. Hanna’s got no part in it. I end this with her tonight, we’ll meet, plan the takedown.”
I end this with her tonight.
Oh my God.
What?
How?
What?
“She trusts them. Whacked,” Raiden carried on. “Motherfuckers are using her. Thinks they’re her friends. She’s got no f**kin’ clue.”
I pushed the door and hurried inside. I somehow had the presence of mind to tiptoe in because the bathroom was tile, the hallway carpeted, muting my footfalls and he obviously didn’t know I was there.
The door swung closed behind me. I put my back to the wall beside it and deep-breathed.
Holy Moses, Bodhi and Heather were using my shipments to transport drugs.
Holy Moses! How would they even do that?
And why?
And…
And…
For some reason, Raiden was out with me to ascertain my part in this hideous scenario.
He wasn’t into me.
He was using me.
Like Bodhi and Heather.
My friends who I rode trails with, snowboarded with, laughed with.
Using me.
“Oh my God,” I breathed, pain searing through me, the heat white-hot, leaving devastation in its wake.
I wasn’t an idiot. I was…
I didn’t know what I was.
A moron.
A loser.
I shoved my bag under my arm so I could put my hands over my face and I pulled in huge, broken breaths to control the tears clawing at the backs of my eyes.
A new dress.
Excited laughter with my best friend.
Shoes that I’d have to knit five afghans to pay for.
And all because I was a moron.
Thoughts assaulting my brain, it took everything I had to pull myself together.
Raiden couldn’t know I knew. I had to pretend. I had to finish this stupid, stupid date.
Then I would end things tonight.
Then I would take care of business.
Then I would learn my stupid lesson.
A narrow life was better.
Books. Movies. Friends I’d had since junior high who I could trust. A great-grandmother who adored me. An ornery cat who liked me occasionally. A job I enjoyed that was free of the drug trade.
That was it.
The rest of it…
No.
I had no idea I’d been smart before. I had no idea I’d been living the right life.
I had no idea.
Now I did.
“Shit,” I whispered.
I rushed into a stall, took care of business then left the restroom carefully. Checking the back hall, which was empty, I stealthily moved out and saw Raiden at our table. I skirted the main area of the restaurant, walked outside and took in huge lung-fulls of crisp, mountain air, coming up with a plan while doing so.
The wine had gone to my head. I was a bit tipsy and more headachy.
I needed to go home.
I squared my shoulders and swallowed my tears. I turned to the front door, walked in and moved to the table, Raiden’s head coming up when he saw me, his brows snapping together at my direction.
God, he was gorgeous.
Amazing.
Phenomenal.
Using me.
“You okay?” he asked as I sat.
I drew in one more breath.
Then I turned to him. I took him in and felt my dream take its final, shuddering breath before it died…
And I lied.
Chapter Six
Last Chance
The drive home was silent. The whole time I looked out the side window.
That wasn’t strictly true.
The drive home was silent, except once we were in the Jeep on our way home, Raiden asked, “This happen often, headaches comin’ on this fast?”
“Yes,” I lied.
Raiden left it at that.
I spent my energies holding myself together.
This took a lot of my energies.
Therefore, by the time we got to my house, I was exhausted.
Raiden parked, and as he was shutting the Jeep down, I swiftly unbuckled my seatbelt, threw open the door and climbed out as gracefully as I could.
I was hoofing it double time to the front door when my efforts were foiled by Raiden’s hand closing around mine.