But when was it enough? It seemed that no matter how much money he brought in, no matter how many clients he netted, it was never enough. He’d always put her off and said maybe next year. Or when he reached his goal of X number of portfolios that he managed. She knew for a fact that he’d surpassed his supposed goal on three separate occasions. And yet he still hadn’t agreed to have children.
It was very possible that he wouldn’t greet this news well at all. She may end up a single mother with an absentee father for her child.
Guilt surged through her chest for making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. Tate wasn’t a horrible person. He’d be a good father. She knew that much. It didn’t matter if this child was planned or not. He’d love him or her every bit as much as Chessy already did.
When she arrived at their house, she parked and got out only to be met at the door by Tate. He looked as though it took everything he had not to pull her into his arms or touch her in some way. But instead he merely stepped back and swept his arm inward in silent invitation.
Her nerves a mess, she walked inside, feeling as though she was in foreign territory rather than the house she’d made a home over the last five years.
“Come into the kitchen while I cook dinner. I’ve already gotten a start on the crepes.”
Anticipation made her mouth water. “Crawfish and crab crepes?”
He certainly knew her weakness and his smile proved it.
“I may have made your favorite,” he said slyly.
She sighed. “You don’t play fair, Tate.”
He shrugged in response. “I warned you, Chessy. I’m not going down without a fight. I believe in us. I love you. There’s no way I’m just going to let you go without throwing everything I have your way.”
Well, that answered the question of whether he was going to ask for a divorce. Was his big thing he wanted to tell her simply an opportunity to beg for forgiveness again? And how much longer could she stand up under the onslaught when she loved him with every aching breath?
She loved him, yes. Without question. But trust him? No, she couldn’t say she fully trusted him any longer. Not when he’d repeatedly chosen his clients and career over her.
“Is that what you wanted to tell me tonight?” she asked.
“It’s one of the things,” he said calmly. “But not the thing. We’ll discuss that over dinner. While the crepes are in the oven, I’d like to hear about you. You sounded upset on the phone and you said you hadn’t been feeling well.”
She shook her head. “We’ll discuss it after dinner. After you’ve told me what it is you have to say to me.”
He looked frustrated with her stubbornness but he didn’t press. Instead he opened a bottle of wine and poured one glass and started to pour another until she held up her hand.
“No, don’t,” she said quickly. “I don’t want wine. I’m afraid it will upset my stomach.”
“So you have been ill,” he said grimly.
“I’m separated from my husband,” she said in a terse tone. “Do you expect me to be radiant? I’ve been miserable, Tate. This is never what I wanted. You chose this for us, not me.”
Anger sparked in her blood and she could positively feel her blood pressure rising. She took several calming breaths, knowing it did the baby no good for Chessy to become so upset.
Tate’s eyes darkened with sorrow. His hand shook as he reached for his glass of wine.
“I didn’t choose our separation,” he said quietly. “Never that. I f**ked up. I get that. It was stupid. I just reacted without thinking. It’s a mistake I’ll pay for dearly for the rest of my life. I hope you can find it in your generous, loving heart to forgive me. To give me yet another chance to make things right. I don’t want to live my life without you, Chessy. I can’t bear the thought of it. There will never be another woman for me. You’re it. And I want it all, but I want it with you.”
Her heart squeezed at the sincerity and graveness in his tone. She had no doubt he meant it in this precise moment. That wasn’t in question. He’d also been absolutely sincere after the night of their anniversary, and look where that had gotten them. It wasn’t a matter of him speaking an untruth now. It was the question of how long that vehemence would last. A week? A month? She had no faith that he’d continue to put her first in his life and she refused to live with that uncertainty any longer. She had a child to think about now and her child deserved a full-time father, not someone who was gone all the time and never there for the important moments in life.
“I don’t know what to say—to think,” Chessy said, her mouth turned down in an expression of unhappiness.
“Just say you’ll think about it,” he urged. “I don’t have to have an answer today or even tomorrow. Just promise me you’ll think about it and not give up on me quite yet.”
She closed her eyes but nodded, knowing there really wasn’t an alternative. She couldn’t very well say with any authority what would happen once he told her whatever he had to tell her, and she then told him she was pregnant. She knew he’d fight even harder for them to get back together once he learned she was pregnant, but not telling him wasn’t an option. He deserved to know he was going to become a father no matter her reservations about him as a husband.
There was visible relief on his features. His eyes brightened and lost some of their dread.
“I swear you won’t regret it, Chess,” he said gruffly.
He turned away and cracked open the stove, peering in at the bubbling cheese that was just turning a yummy brown. She sniffed appreciatively, her stomach growling in anticipation. She hadn’t even attempted to eat today because the mere thought of food was revolting to her.
He grabbed oven mitts and slid the casserole dish from the oven, setting it on the stovetop while he closed the oven door.
“We’ll give it five minutes or so to rest and then we’ll dig in,” Tate announced.
As he spoke, he went to the cabinet where the plates were and took two down. Then he retrieved knives and forks from the drawer and set the small table in the breakfast nook where they so often had eaten together. The formal dining room had only been used on the occasions when they entertained clients or their friends.
He carried the still-steaming casserole dish to the table and then fetched a spatula to spoon up the delectable entrée. Chessy took a cautious sniff, praying her stomach didn’t rebel.