“What happened to her?” Ash asked gently.
Her lips trembled, but she held herself together, her gaze never faltering, though it grew suspiciously brighter with the evidence of tears.
“Cancer,” she said, her voice aching with sorrow.
“Recent?” he asked in a quieter tone.
The last thing he wanted was to upset her, but it gave him absurd pleasure that she’d open up to him. Communicate. It was a start. The start of something more permanent if he had his way. And he had every intention of getting his way. It was just going to require a great deal more patience than he was used to having to employ.
Adrenaline spiked, burning through his veins. She was a challenge. One he looked forward to conquering. It had been a long time since he’d been excited about anything. And Josie definitely excited him.
“Two years ago,” Josie said, sadness creeping into those beautiful eyes. “But she was ill for a lot longer. In the end . . .” She broke off, her voice cracking at the very last.
“In the end what?” he prompted gently.
“In the end it was a relief even though I was devastated over having to let go and say good-bye. She was in so much pain. It hurt to see her like that. It hurt her. She hated for me to see her that way, to have to take care of her. She worried for so long that she was taking up too much of my life, that she was holding me back and saddling me with the responsibility of taking care of her. But God, she was my mother. I would have done anything for her. I never regretted a single moment of our time together. And in the end, she was ready to go. She’d fought for so long and so hard. She was exhausted and no longer had the strength to fight. That was the hardest for me. To watch my kick-ass mom slowly fade. I just wanted her pain to be over and for her to have peace. So when she passed away, there was relief. And I know that sounds horrible.”
He shook his head. “Not horrible, Josie. Human. She was your mother and you loved her. No one likes to see their loved ones endure pain and heartache.”
Josie nodded and wiped at her eye with the back of her hand. Her fingers were shaking when she lowered her hand back to the table.
“Wow, not great dinner conversation, right? Sorry to babble on like that.”
“I asked,” he said simply. “What about your father? Do you have any siblings or are you an only child?”
She blew out an unhappy sigh. “I’m an only child. My parents wanted more, but my mother couldn’t have any more after me. She had cancer once before and with all the treatments, not only could she not bear another child, but she was too weakened by the whole process. I—we—thought she’d kicked it, you know? She went twenty years in remission and then it came back. Much more pervasive this time. She didn’t respond to treatment like she did before.”
She shook her head. “Sorry. There I go again.”
He reached across the table and slid his hand over hers. “We’re having a conversation, Josie. It’s what two people do when they go out on a date. Stop apologizing. If I wasn’t interested, I wouldn’t have asked. However, if it’s too painful a subject, we can certainly talk about other things. But I’m interested in every part of you. I very much want to hear about you, your life, your family, whatever makes you tick.”
She smiled and didn’t pull her hand away from his. A fact he was absurdly triumphant over.
“Now, you said parents. Did your father pass away as well?”
Her lips tightened and coldness crept into her gaze, turning the aqua color more to blue. It was like looking at a frost-covered windowpane.
“He left her—us—the first time she had cancer. Not right away. He waited until she was well enough to make it on her own and then he split. His reason? He couldn’t stand the heartache of losing her to cancer. He didn’t want to have to watch her die and so he left instead. Isn’t that the biggest bullshit you’ve ever heard? It makes no sense to me. It’s never made any sense that he’d walk away from his wife and child, all because he worried she’d die. He lost her either way, but he lost me too. I never forgave him for that. For leaving us both when we desperately needed him. Especially my mother. Who after undergoing extensive treatment then had to find a job so she could support me and pay the bills.”
“Yeah, it is bullshit,” Ash said darkly. “So you haven’t seen him since? How many years ago was this?”
“Eighteen,” she replied, her voice tight. No matter her anger—and he didn’t blame her for being angry—there was also hurt in her voice. Betrayal. He rubbed his thumb over the tops of her knuckles in a soothing motion, silently urging her to go on.
He had her talking now and hopefully she’d relax and open up further.
“I was ten years old when he left. For a long time he didn’t even try to contact her or me. Then when I graduated high school, he called me. He wanted to send me a graduation gift. I told him where to stick his graduation present.”
The more she spoke, the cloudier her eyes got and her lips formed a grimace.
“He didn’t contact me again until Mom died.”
Tears glittered brightly in her eyes and she used her free hand to rub her thumb along the corner of her eye where a damp trail had formed.
“Sorry,” she muttered again. “I don’t talk about it at all. I mean I never shared this. It’s just sort of all coming out and I didn’t realize how angry I still am about it all.”
“That’s understandable,” he said. “That’s a long time to keep that shit bottled up.”
She nodded her agreement.
“So he contacted you when your mom passed away? Did he know she was sick again?”
“He knew,” Josie bit out. “He never came to see her. Never called. Never spoke to her. After she passed away, he called wanting to see me. He said he was sorry about Mom but that he wanted us to be a family. I told him that family doesn’t do the kind of shit he pulled and that my family was dead. That was two years ago. He’s never tried to contact me again. I don’t even know where he lives. He moved a lot after he and Mom divorced. His job takes him away quite a bit.”
“Do you ever regret not seeing him?”
She looked startled by the question. “No. Not at all. I don’t think I could see him without flying into a rage. Especially right after Mom died. If he’d been there, I think I would have just gone off on him. I was furious and heartbroken. And I was pissed. Pissed that he’d been such a coward and that he hadn’t been there for my mom when she needed him most.”
“I get it. Believe me I do. I don’t see my family. Well, most of them. Recently my sister came to see me but until then I’ve had nothing to do with any of them.”
She cocked her head to the side, studying him. Their hands were still joined and he traced several patterns on her skin, from her knuckles to the top of her wrist and back. He liked touching her. Could touch her all night. And it wasn’t sexual. He simply enjoyed the satiny softness of her hands. Fingers that were stained with paint, a different color on each tip.
“What did your family do?” she asked softly.
“Long story. I’ll tell you about it sometime. Right now, though, I’m much more interested in hearing about you.”
She frowned. “That isn’t fair. I’ve told you about my family. I won’t say another word unless you reciprocate.”
He chuckled and his hand tightened around hers. Her eyes widened and she glanced down at their joined fingers. Yes, she felt it just as much as he did. But she was fighting it and he wasn’t.
“Very well then. I’ll give you a tidbit and then it’s your turn again.”
Her gaze narrowed. “That depends on how worthy I feel your information is. You must give a piece of equal value to the one I gave to you.”
“Now that’s impossible,” he murmured. He looked intently into her eyes, that drowning sensation washing over him. “No information I can give you will be as valuable as you sharing yourself with me.”
Her cheeks grew pink and she dropped her gaze. Her hand twitched beneath his, but he held it firmly so she wasn’t able to draw it away.
“Maybe you think so,” she said in a husky voice. “But perhaps I find information about you to be much more valuable. You see, you have me at a disadvantage. You’ve checked up on me, had me followed. I have no doubt that you know far more about me than I’m comfortable with. So it’s only fair that you even the odds by telling me all your deep, dark secrets.”
She was flirting with him. In a shy, adorable way, as if she were uncertain of how to do so. He’d never experienced such an intense surge of . . . excitement. There was lust, absolutely. He wanted her like he hadn’t ever wanted a woman before. But there was more. He was interested in her. What made her tick. He wanted inside her head every bit as much as he wanted inside her body. Most of all, he wanted her trust, even if nothing he’d done so far deserved such a gift.
Given time he’d prove himself to her. If she only gave him a chance.
“Deep, dark secrets, huh. I fear you’re in for disappointment. I’m frightfully boring. I’m married to my business, and I despise my family almost as much as they despise me. My real family are my business partners and their women.”
“Except that your sister came to see you recently. Have you reconciled?”
This time he pulled his hand away, leaning back in his chair. His gaze went beyond Josie for a moment before he allowed it to drift back to her face.
“I suppose you could say that. I’m not completely convinced of her sincerity as of yet. I’d like to think she’s finally making a break from the wolf pack, but only time will tell.”
“What did they do? To you both?”
Ash sighed. “Gave birth to us? Hell if I know. My mother has zero maternal instinct, and yet she had four of us. It baffles me that a woman that self-serving would continue to have children she considered a burden.”
Josie’s nose wrinkled and her eyes flashed with sympathy.
“Have you never gotten along with them? Even when you were a child?”
“I rarely saw them when I was a child,” he said dryly. “We were packed off to school and only came home during the holidays and even then we had a nanny. More often than not, my mom and dad were off doing their thing. Traveling. Involved in the social scene. My grandfather made a lot of money in his lifetime, but we don’t come from old money. We would be considered nouveau riche, a fact my mother has never been able to get over.”
“Forgive my assumption, but she sounds horrible.”
“It’s no assumption. She and my father are both lousy people. Not just lousy parents, but lousy in every aspect. I firmly believe the only reason she had so many children is because my grandfather came from a large family with several siblings, and he wanted my mother to give him several grandchildren. And if nothing else, my mother will not piss off the old man because she depends on him too much for support. So she had us, but he paid for our upbringing, such as it was. The only times she or Dad ever had time for us was if the old man was present. I don’t know what was worse. Them being lousy parents or them acting like caring parents around others.”
“That sucks,” Josie said. “I adored my mother. And my grandmother. They were wonderful women. So what happened with your sister? And how old is she?”
“Brittany is the youngest. She’s thirty now. My mom married her off right out of college to a much older man who had the right pedigree. The marriage lasted two years and Brittany bailed, getting nothing in the divorce settlement. That pissed my mother off even more because in her words, she’d worked damn hard to land a husband for Brittany and the least she could do was suck it up and remain a dutiful wife until her husband died, leaving her a rich widow and the means to funnel money to her parents.”
“Wow,” Josie whispered. “That’s insane. I mean that’s stuff from some historical saga. I didn’t think there were really people like that in this day and age.”
He smiled. “Sorry to burst your bubble.”
“So what prompted Brittany’s visit?”
“She wants out,” he said quietly. “As I said, she got nothing in the divorce and she’s been living with my parents ever since. She has a college degree but has never had a job. She came to ask me for help. Primarily financial help, but I think she was looking for an ally. Emotional support as well.”
“And did you help her?”
“Of course. I set her up in an apartment, got a bank account opened for her with enough cash to last until she starts work. In a few days she’ll take a position in one of my hotels. The rest is up to her. I gave her the means to start a new life, but it’ll be up to her to make it successful. My mother is going to give her shit. She’ll want Brittany back under her thumb where she pulls all the strings. I just hope Brittany has the balls to stand up to her.”
“I think it’s wonderful that you did so much for her. She must have felt like she had no one to turn to.”
Ash shook his head. “She didn’t. And regardless of how shitty she may have treated me in the past, I do realize that she didn’t really have a choice. Mom wouldn’t have allowed anything else. She seems sincere now, and if she is, then I’ll do whatever I can to help her. I don’t care what my parents and other siblings think of me. Brittany hasn’t gotten to that point yet, but she will.”
“Other siblings? How many do you have?”
“Three including Brittany. I have two older brothers who are both in their forties and neither one of them can support their families without help from my parents and the old man.”