But I should have had a more physical conversation with him. If I'd have run him out of town, none of the rest of it would have ever happened. He may have been older than I was, but I should have beat the living shit out of him right then. Everything would be different.
Not only for them, but for June and I.
We might have ended up in West Bend, running the ranch, a couple of kids in tow. We might have grown old together, the way we'd talked about.
Back then, I'd thought she was it. The one.
Back then. Who the fuck was I kidding? She was the one.
She always had been, from the very beginning.
People say you don't know yourself well enough when you're in high school to know if you want to get married. They say you'll change so much you'll just wind up growing apart.
The part about changing was true. I sure as shit wasn't the same person I was in high school. But growing away from June?
I had been trying to do that for years, and I couldn't.
No matter how hard I tried.
And it was destroying me, eating me up from the inside.
Standing there with her outside the house, I could barely think. I was the one who wanted to beg her. I wanted to grab her, throw her over my shoulder, carry her inside the house. It was painful standing there, but not just because of what she was talking about. She was a painful reminder of who I used to be.
Of who I could have been, with her.
Of what I would never have now.
That night, I slept fitfully, the way I always did. But it wasn't the dreams of Iraq that haunted me. It was dreams of June.
The next afternoon, I walked down the sidewalk, headed for the general store. MacKenzie wanted cowboy boots, and I was going to get her a real pair. She'd ridden one of the horses this morning, squealing with delight perched high on top of the saddle. I figured I'd make her day if I could find her a little pair of boots all her own.
Maybe I was getting soft in my old age, but that kid killed me. Having her here was like getting to peek into another life, the one I would have had if I'd have stayed here.
I lingered on the sidewalk. It was amazing, how much the town had changed. And how little had changed, all the same. Funny how that worked. The old barber shop was there, with its same outdated sign, repainted a hundred times, the cracks showing through the layers of paint. There was a new sporting goods store, with expensive gear. Catering to the tourist crowd, I supposed. And Nina's coffee shop was still there. I glanced in the window as I passed by, and saw her.
June.
No, not her.
Them.
Her and a sheriff. I stood there, staring through the window like a crazy person, but neither of them noticed. Shit. June and a fucking cop.
I squinted. It took me a minute to recognize him. Fucking Jed Easton. He looked different, but it was him. He'd always had a thing for June, back when we were kids.
I turned around, fists clenched, headed back in the direction of my dad's truck. I needed to leave now, before I did something colossally stupid, something that would jeopardize Crunch and his family. I needed to think about them, not myself.
Fucking Jed. So he was the town sheriff now.
And June.
My mind swirled with possibilities. Would June be ratting us out to a cop? Or...was she dating him?
I didn't know which alternative pissed me off more.
“I’m going for a ride.” I stormed past my father on the way to the bedroom to change clothes. What I wanted was a fucking drink.
Screw June and whatever it was she had going on with Jed back in town.
"Cade." My dad stood in the bedroom doorway.
"What?" The word came out as a snap, harsher than I intended.
"Did something happen in town?"
“No,” I said automatically. “Maybe. I don't know.”
“Anything that’s going to affect that little girl in there?” he asked, referring to MacKenzie. My father was already protective of her, and I felt a pang of guilt that she was involved in all this club bullshit.
“I don’t know, Pop,” I said. I could feel the blood pumping in my ears, and I could barely hear what he said above the din of my own blood pressure. All I knew was that I had the nearly irrepressible urge to throttle that Jed guy. "Do you know Jed Easton?"
"Yep," he said. "Sheriff in town."
"What do you know about him?”
“Why are you asking?” My father's eyes narrowed, immediately suspect. I'm sure he thought I was asking for some reason that had to do with my criminal enterprises. My father thought I was scum of the earth, I knew it. I couldn't exactly fault him for thinking that way. Not when it was true.
"June was at Nina's, having coffee with him."
My father studied me. "Do you care because she was having coffee with a cop, or because she was having coffee with someone that wasn't you?"
Screw my dad, too. I reached for my hat. "I need to get out of here."
My dad nodded, a knowing look in his eyes. "Saddle up Moonie. She needs to be ridden."
As I rode away from the house, I could feel myself start to calm down, the same way as when I rode the bike. That bike had been my saving grace too many times to count, a way to get away and leave it all behind.