I didn’t recognize who stared back at me, and I really didn’t care. No expectations. That was the best way to live. I’d done it for so long now it was second nature.
I looked away and snagged Deck’s blue toothbrush hanging in the metal holder on the wall. I opened the drawer, piled a ton of toothpaste on the tip and stuck it in my mouth.
I wonder if he knew I used his toothbrush every time I stayed here. Ha … Deck knew everything. He was the sniper of knowing everything, except what was right in front of him—me. He didn’t know me. Although, it wasn’t his fault. I did everything I could to make certain he didn’t.
I spit into the sink then brushed some more, trying to get rid of the sandpaper feeling on my tongue and down my throat. I spit again, stuck my mouth under the running water and swooshed.
“What were you thinking?”
I spit my mouthful of water into the sink. “Jesus, Deck. Make some noise when you enter a room, would ya?”
I held up his toothbrush and smiled. His brows rose, but he said nothing. I put it back then turned off the taps.
“I asked you a question.”
I grabbed a facecloth from the metal basket on the counter. “Heard you, too. Just not feeling up to answering your sexy ass right now.” I turned on the water again, wet the cloth then looked in the mirror while I wiped away the makeup smudges under my eyes.
I was paying attention to the big, black mascara mark under my left eye when I should’ve been paying attention to Deck, because you should always pay attention to Deck. He was quick, agile and reminded me of a panther. He had those penetrating eyes too that knew which way you were going to run before you knew yourself.
He was behind me before I had the chance to stand up straight.
“In my personal space, sexy. Want to back off?” Before my body betrayed me and I was panting for him to grab me and kiss me like in one of my fantasies.
Deck had never kissed me and it pissed me off that my body reacted that way around him. He was my grim reaper when it came to having a love life of any kind, but I couldn’t help my body’s reaction to him; it had always been that way. Love can’t be stopped. I should know. I’d been living with him wrapped around my heart since I was sixteen. Even when my life changed into something that wasn’t real, my feelings for Deck never faltered.
He didn’t back off. Instead, the heat from his body seeped into me and I wanted to dunk my head in the toilet and flush. But that would mean moving and if I did, my butt would be against his cock … no, he was tall … his cock against the small of my back. Whichever, it was so not a good idea.
“What you did was reckless.”
I sighed and tossed the facecloth down on the edge of the sink. Reckless—no. Stupid to get caught by Deck—yes. A blob of toothpaste sat in the bottom of the stark-white sink and the urge to clean it away hit me, but I couldn’t. That wasn’t who I was now.
“He could’ve raped you.”
Hardly. I had my knife with me just in case shit went bad. “Oh, come on, Deck. Luther’s a pussy.”
“Rapists and murderers excel at luring women. They pretend they’re pussies then tie you up in five seconds flat and are no longer pussies.”
I blew air through my lips, making them vibrate, and rolled my eyes. I placed my palms on the lip of the counter and looked up into the mirror. Big mistake. Deck’s eyes met mine and they were steady. Yet, in the depths swirled a heat so hot I was fusing into them.
“Lionel,” he said.
“What?”
“His name. Lionel Harrington. Twenty-eight. Programmer. Never been married and has connections with men you don’t want anywhere near you.” Obviously, Matt had known about Lionel’s connections, too, and that was why he’d called Deck. The plan would’ve worked out fine if Avalanche hadn’t been Lionel’s latest hangout.
Deck’s hands did something they’d never done before. They lowered onto my hips and he was looking like he was going to fuck me from behind right here in his bathroom. Was I awake? I had to be still passed out and having one hell of a wet dream.
Deck kept his emotions in check and it was rare I caught anything but his steady resolve of control. But Tuesday, he’d punched Tyler and the espresso machine in my shop.
Should’ve known Deck would’ve checked into the guy. Probably did it on the plane back here last night after Matt tattle-taled on me. Shit, Deck was getting too close. Over the last few months, his men had been on my ass every second. Pretending was getting harder and harder.
“The babysitting is over, Deck. Well done. My brother would be proud. Time to move on.” I needed him to back off for a number of reasons. One of them being it was the anniversary of Connor’s death soon and I couldn’t have him around. “And I have to go. Rylie will need my help.” I needed to breathe and put my heart back in place because it had leapt through my rib cage and was free-dancing something fierce across my skin.
I shoved him with my shoulder, but the stone statue didn’t move. Instead, his fingers tightened on my hips and a current of electricity went shooting across my body.
“Not this time.”
“Excuse me?” Red alert. Red alert! Something was off and it was standing pressed against me. Deck had never touched me, kissed me, done anything sexual, and suddenly this was everything sexual.
But being with Deck … that would be the deliverance of my world collapsing. And if mine collapsed, so would his.