I started working to fill the void after school and help my mom pay the bills. My life became something entirely not my own. I needed to escape my new reality. I found other things to occupy my time. They were the only things that made me forget the bullshit that filled my life.
A friend, who will remain nameless, gave me my first taste of cocaine towards the end of senior year. A small bump, but it rocked my world. I’m not condoning drugs, but the rush it gave me is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and spent the rest of my life chasing. I knew it was something I couldn’t do again, at least not anytime soon. I needed to stay on track and graduate from high school.
I worked at night and tried to stay awake during the day in class. I wasn’t always successful keeping my eyes open; the boredom of hearing a teacher give a monotone lecture was better than any sleeping pill I’ve taken in my life. I wanted to kiss the ground and thank my lucky stars the day senior exams rolled around. I had made it and done well enough that no matter my exam scores, I’d receive my diploma.
My mom had a new boyfriend, Joe, and he occupied her free time by the time graduation day arrived. I was nearly blind from my mother snapping so many pictures; she wanted to capture every moment of her oldest child graduating from high school, an event she never experienced for herself.
My mom found out she was pregnant with me at the beginning of her senior year, and she dropped out to raise me and work full-time. I have a younger brother and sister, but we were never really close. The age gap was too great, and we were nothing alike. They were close, but I was the outsider.
“Is dad coming today?” I asked as she placed the small pink camera in her purse.
“I don’t know, baby. I haven’t spoken to him in a long time. I sent him the invitation; the rest is up to him,” she said before kissing me on the cheek. I knew with her words that he wouldn’t be there. He barely even acknowledged my existence since he left months ago.
As I walked down the aisle, I looked through the crowd trying to find him, but he wasn’t there. I don’t know why I even f**king bothered; I knew the bastard wouldn’t be there. Besides the money he made, he wasn’t missed in the house. He was a miserable bastard and not very loving. Things had been calmer, and my mom and I got along better without his sorry ass around. I sat there stewing about my feelings, or lack thereof, for my father while everyone gave speeches that I had tuned out.
The kid next to me stood up, and it was my queue that I’d be next. My moment had finally arrived; high school official ended the second I walked across the stage and shook the hand of the principal. I could hear the cheers from the crowd and the hoots of my mom from a distance.
There would be no graduation party filled with family afterward. My mom had to work, and there wasn’t extra cash to pay for a party. I understood and had enough to do that evening to fill the time and celebrate. Scott’s family was throwing a party, followed by a party for all his friends, without the older crowd to bring us down.
My friends and I gathered in front of the school after throwing our caps in the air. Our parents took pictures of us as a group; none of us knew how close we’d be after high school. They were going off to college all over the country while I’d stay home to work and figure out my future. We still had the summer to party and hangout, but I knew shit would change soon enough, and I’d be left behind.
I had a mission for the evening of graduation—Mindy. I’ve liked her for years, and she hardly noticed me, but tonight that would change. She left for college two years ago, and I’ve changed and grown into a man during her absence. She’d be mine tonight… paybacks are a bitch.
I strolled into Scott’s backyard shortly after nine, and the party was already in full-swing. The family had cleared out; a bonfire was roaring in the middle of the yard, and people were everywhere. I found Scott in his usual spot, dispensing drinks.
“Dude, can you believe it’s all f**king over?” he asked handing me a drink.
“I thought this day would never come.” I sipped the beer letting it run down my throat. “The last couple of months f**king sucked. I’m ready for whatever’s next,” I said.
“I can’t wait to get out of this shit hole town and head off to Chicago for school. I can’t believe I got into Northwestern,” he said with a smile.
“I’m happy for you. Maybe I’ll come out and see you sometime. It’s going to be weird without you here, though,” I said my smile dropping with the thought.
“I’m sorry, Kayden. I keep forgetting you’re not going off to school like the rest of us. What happened to you is not right, dude, just not f**king right. You would have been offered a full scholarship,” he said with a sincere look on his face. Scott’s my best friend and I’d be forgotten and replaced within months of his departure.
“Scott, don’t be sad for me. I’ll make it and figure shit out,” I said slapping him on the back. “This is a night of celebration, and I see your sister is here.” I motioned with my head in her direction.
“Yeah, but she’s still the same miserable bitch she’s always been,” he said with a sour look.
“Well at least you’re not going to the same school, you’ll rarely see her.”
“You got that shit right. She’ll get hers, that nasty bitch,” he said taking a swig of the beer he’d been fidgeting with during our conversation. Scott and Mindy always had a tumultuous relationship. She treated him like shit since he was little. She never got over the fact that their parents fawned over Scott; he was the golden child, the one who would carry on the family name. He was lavished with love and affection, and Mindy became more miserable over time. Scott never felt her absence when she left for college.