“You want hope where hope doesn’t exist.”
Fighting against the sadness is doomed when my chin begins to quiver as I say, “I’ll always hope for you.”
“After all this, you want me?”
I nod.
“Then tell me,” he demands with intent.
My words come easily. “I want you, Declan.”
His hands drop from my shoulders and land on his belt. With punishing, black eyes boring down on me, I hear the light clinking of metal as he undoes the buckle. My pulse explodes in a rush of hammering beats that knock hard against my ribs in anticipation. But at the same time, my panicked heart flutters when he yanks the belt out from the loops of his slacks.
I stand here, unmoving, and simply watch him. He takes the back of his hand and runs it down my cheek to my neck and then my shoulder. In a flash quick move, he jerks me around, crossing his forearm over my chest, and pinning my back to his front. My hands grip the sides of his thighs, balancing myself on shaky legs.
“Tell me to stop. Tell me to take my hands off you,” he says with his lips pressed to the shell of my ear.
“No.”
Fast hands yank my arms behind me, and he binds the belt above my elbows. His restraint is unrelenting, pinching my shoulder blades together. I gasp at the sting of the leather biting into my flesh, and then yelp out when my feet are suddenly kicked out from under me, and I fall hard on my knees. But before I can cry out against the burning pain that’s radiating up my thighs, Declan grabs my hair and shoves my head facedown into the bed, making it hard to breathe.
You’ve heard of the theory of atonement, right? Making a restitution to mend what’s been broken. I was willing to be whatever vessel Declan needed me to be so that he could deal with his pain. This was my punishment, my meager attempt to right the wrongs, but what came next would test my limits of love for him. How far would I let his destruction go? At what point would I draw the line? Did I even have limits when it came to Declan? It was in that moment, bound and on my knees, that I would soon find out.
Gasping for air, I scream out when he twists my hair in his hand, ripping open the scab on my scalp. My body tenses as he violently grunts with each movement; he’s so different from all the other times in the past. I sense it all around me, the putrid hate.
He lifts off of me and shoves my pants and panties down to my knees, and my heart freezes in terror when he spreads my ass cheeks open and spits on me.
Oh God, no!
His hand grips my shoulder for leverage, and every muscle inside of me constricts when he brutally forces his cock in my ass, ripping me in the most grotesque way. I shriek in sheer agony, my cries bouncing off the walls as he growls with each abusive thrust.
I do everything I can to wrench my body away and fight him, but he’s taken away my strength and power. I’m at his mercy, and he’s a dark rage of unholy wrath as he takes the one part of me I never wanted to give.
Gone is Declan’s control, the awareness of how far he’s pushing me.
My screams are muffled when he lays a fierce hand on the back of my head, shoving my face further into the mattress. I wail and gasp, thrashing my body against his merciless pounding. The next thing I know, he shoves his hand into my mouth, all four fingers, prying my jaw open and pulling against my cheek. The fire that sears my flesh and the corner of my mouth is ruthless. It’s his way of shutting me up because every attempt I make to scream or cry results in gagging on my own saliva.
Stop! God, please, no! Stop!
With my head turned to the side, drool running out of my mouth and down my cheek, I dart my eyes to look up at Declan, and what I see scares the shit out of me. He’s completely depraved, a wild beast attacking me, and the pain multiplies as he shreds me. My body ricochets back and forth as he continues to pound into me. Each thrust is painful, unwanted, and takes me right back to the basement I spent so many years in being raped and molested. My mind can’t even process what’s happening as a blanket of darkness consumes me.
I close my eyes, praying for this to end, and the next thing I know, I’m taken back to the only other time this has happened. I’m twelve years old, bleeding for the first time, and Carl’s pissed because Pike can’t get hard to fuck me in the ass. I’m naked, and Carl has my face shoved down on the cold concrete floor. His grunting fills the basement as he rapes me from behind. Blood rolls off my back from the lashings he gave me with his belt. His fat belly slaps against my hips as he rips me open, splitting the tender flesh.
My screams go unanswered.
My body begins to heave and convulse when I come into the present. No longer is Carl raping me, but Declan. The voices in my head are screaming for him to stop as he continues to sodomize me, but it’s all I have since he has my jaw wrested open, gagging me, and making it impossible for me to fight back.
“Shut it off, Elizabeth.”
My eyes pop open when I hear Pike, and he’s here. Tears fall when I look into his consoling eyes. He’s right here with me, on his knees beside me. He runs his fingers through my ratty hair and attempts to soothe me.
“Just look at me, okay? I’m here with you. You’re not alone, but I need you to turn off your feelings right now.”
I fight to relax my body while Pike continues to talk to me and stroke my hair. And soon enough, in a matter of seconds, my muscles slacken and my breathing slows. My eyes are locked to my savior.
“That’s it. No one can hurt you if you can’t feel,” he reminds me. “I’m here with you, Elizabeth. Just keep your eyes on me. It’ll be over soon.”