Confusion swamped her. “Ian, I don’t understand. You were mad at me. You think I slept with Nelson.”
His face turned up, and there was no way to miss the torture there. He was usually so shut down, but every aching emotion was playing across those normally arctic eyes, and it kicked Charlie in the gut. “I don’t count anything that happened while you were with your father against you. You have to know that I never would do that. But I should care if you slept with Nelson. Goddamn it, Charlie, I should care about that. That’s the problem. I think it doesn’t fucking matter. I think I would still want you. That’s the insane thing, Charlie. I still fucking want you. I still crave you.”
Nothing had changed. Not really. He didn’t trust her.
Simon’s words came back. How about just giving him time?
She’d been willing to give him everything else. He was likely right. Her uncle had put them on a path. So what if he didn’t believe her now? How could she change that if she left?
If there was no way out of this war her uncle had started, then she should fight on the right side, and that meant standing up, not sitting on a bench and waiting for the inevitable. And that meant giving her Master what he needed.
He’d just discovered that his world was on a timer set to explode. Everyone he cared about was in danger, and he couldn’t trust anyone around him. They would all look to him to lead, and he had no one to lean on.
No one except her.
He might only be willing to say he wanted her, but he needed her. Her ego didn’t mean a thing in the face of what he needed.
She dropped to her knees, wrapping her arms around him, offering him everything she had. “All right, Ian. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I want to stand by you, but if you can’t trust me then I’ll go wherever you want me to go and I’ll stay there. I promise. I’ll give you the rest of the money and I won’t allow Chelsea to touch a computer. I’ll wait, Ian. I’ll wait until you do what you need to do. When you’re done, if you still want me, I will be there.”
His hands found her hair, pulling her back, forcing her to look into his eyes. That little tug lit up her skin. “You want me to shut you away? You think that will prove something to me? Maybe it would be the best thing to do, but I can’t. Do you want to know why?”
He was so close it was hard to even process the words he was saying. Her head was reeling. She’d gone from complete desperation to pure desire. “You think I would run?”
“No, I would make sure you can’t run. If I shut you away, I can’t fuck you, Charlie. I can’t think about anything but getting inside you again.” His mouth hovered over hers, tempting her, teasing her. So close to heaven, but she wanted a kiss from him to be more than a way to control her. “I can’t think about anything except you. I nearly killed that man today.”
“Ian…” she began, wanting to explain.
“No.” He shook his head, a hard negative. “I don’t want to talk about it. I told you. I don’t give a fuck. I just want you. I can’t help it. You’re an obsession. I can’t let you go. I can’t let you walk away, and I sure as fuck can’t let them have you.”
She wanted to be more than an obsession. She needed it, but now wasn’t the time to talk about her needs.
Now was the time to give to him. To be what he needed.
“Then don’t, Master. I’ll stay with you as long as you want me.”
Another tug on her hair. He seemed to be in a ferocious mood, and he was willing to take it out on her. His world was out of control. Her heart skipped a couple of beats because she knew what he would need. If he couldn’t control the outside world, then he would control her. He would dominate her.
“You’ll stay?” The words came out of his mouth in a hard grind. “Will you stay when I tell you that what I want more than anything is to fuck your ass? Tell me how many men have been inside your ass.”
She shook her head, nearly shivering at the thought. How many nights had she dreamed about having him in every way there was to have a man? She’d been a good sub. She’d prepared for him. “None. Absolutely no one. I only want you.”
“Show me.”
Charlie stood up and prepared to serve her love.
Chapter Fourteen
A savage need flooded Ian’s system. To take her. To brand her. To ensure that she never looked at another man. He could keep her so satisfied that she couldn’t open her eyes to look at one.
It pounded through his veins and nothing else mattered. Something had switched on inside him when he’d realized what she was trying to do. She’d tried to offer herself up, to give herself away because the guilt was too much for her to bear.
And he remembered her body cold and dead in his arms.
She was fucking alive now and he was going to make sure it never happened again.
They were all his responsibility. Sean and Grace and Carys. Jake and Adam and Liam and their wives. Alex and Eve. Even Simon and Jesse were his responsibility now. He had to ensure their safety.
But she was his. Only his. He didn’t have to share her with anyone, not if he chose to keep her. His submissive. His wife.
He wanted a piece of her no one had ever had before.
“Take off your clothes.” At least he’d turned off the cameras in his office this time. Not that it would stop him now. He needed to burn off the knot in his gut. He needed to take all his guilt and the resounding fear that he was going to fail them all and burn it away in her body.
She pulled at her shirt, fumbling a little as she tossed it away. He hadn’t even gotten her clothes from her place. He’d forced her to wear what she’d worn yesterday. He wasn’t taking care of her the way he should. He had to shove his anger down and take care of her because she belonged to him and he was starting to think that he couldn’t change that. He was fooling himself if he thought he could fuck her out of his soul, but right now he meant to try.
While she worked on her clothes, he walked to the small closet at the back of his office. He kept extras there. Extra guns. Extra ammo. Bulletproof vest. The tiniest bit of C-4. And an extra kit complete with lube and a still-packaged anal plug.
Just the basics. What every man needed to survive the apocalypse. Grace had been horrified, but Ian liked to be prepared.
He pulled out the kit and laid it on the coffee table in the sitting portion of his office. He wasn’t sure why he needed a fucking sitting room, but the couch had come in handy when he needed a nap. It also looked to be just the right height for what he wanted to do.