I nodded. That explained the war wound he'd mentioned the first day we met. "In what capacity?"
"Infantry first, but they quickly shuffled me to the officers' path instead." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Didn't seem to care for all the questions I asked." He let out a short laugh. "Nope, there's not a lot of space for curiosity on the battlefield. I think they figured that if I was going to be doing all that thinking, I might as well be the one answering the questions instead of asking."
"I think that's fair enough," I replied.
"That's actually where I met Sebastian."
"Sebastian was in the army?" That revelation reminded me exactly how little I knew about the man who had stolen my heart.
"Briefly." He gave a rueful shake of his head. "He was a terrible soldier, just like me. Too headstrong, too stubborn. I was his commanding officer, and it got to the point where I was forced to discharge him, but it seemed like such a waste. There was something special about him. I knew he was capable of doing great things, and the characteristics that made him unfit for duty made him perfect for Alpha. So I released him from service and nominated him for consideration to join the group. He was accepted, and now here we are."
"I see," I replied, trying to picture Sebastian in mud spattered combat fatigues. It was difficult. The suit and tie seemed almost like his second skin.
"What about you? Why'd you quit?" I continued.
"Well, obviously I had more important things to do here," he deadpanned, nodding in the direction of the bedrooms.
I laughed. "Obviously."
"Honestly though, I just kind of got tired. You'd think gaining rank would be a good thing, but by the last decade of my career, I dreaded it. Every promotion meant a little more time spent behind a desk, a little more paperwork. There was nothing to look forward to, anymore."
"And so your solution was to drive your protégée around, day in and day out?" I asked.
He shrugged. "It may not seem particularly exciting, but the truth is, there's rarely a dull moment around here."
Thinking back on everything that had happened in the last few days, I could see his point. If this sort of stuff was a regular occurrence, I wasn't sure my heart could keep up. Another point against Sebastian and I ever having a real relationship. Thinking about it gave me a newfound respect for military wives. The prospect of my partner constantly venturing into indescribable danger was daunting, to say the least. I didn't know how they coped.
"Is it always like this?" I asked. "Kidnappings and secret lairs?"
He smiled. "Sometimes, but not as often as you'd think. These are pretty dire circumstances. Most of the time it's more like being a politician; lots of paperwork and meetings."
"So Sebastian just has impeccable timing then."
Joe stared at me for several seconds. "Don't be too hard on him, Sophia. He didn't mean for any of this to happen."
I let out a long breath and shook my head slightly. "I know, but it doesn't change the fact that it did."
"Not to downplay what you've been through at all, but to be honest, I think he's dealing with it as badly as you are. Like I said, I was there when he got the news. I've never seen anything like it before. He could barely speak. Everyone seemed to take it as anger, but I know him better than most. I knew it for what it really was. Fear.
"He wanted to throw everything we had at that house the moment they took you there, but that's not how the group works. You can't just use Alpha resources for personal situations, no matter how serious they may be." His lips compressed. "They argued for hours. Virtually the whole room was against him. Eventually, he realised they weren't going to budge, but rather than back down, he just stormed out and came for you anyway. Took an entire squad of our troops. To be honest, I'm kind of glad nobody physically stepped in to stop him. I have little doubt he'd have gone by himself, if he had to.
"For now, nobody is doing anything about it. We've got too much else to worry about. But if I know that group, he hasn't heard the last of it. Not by a long shot." His gaze bored into me. "I understand that this was hell for you, I really do, but Sebastian did everything in his power to make up for what happened. He put himself at risk to save you, so maybe cut him a little slack, hey?"
My mouth felt impossibly dry. I knew Sebastian had been distraught at my kidnapping, but this cast it in an entirely new light. He hadn't simply been cleaning up an Alpha group mess. If anything, he'd been doing the opposite. He'd actively put my safety above the interests of his brothers. He'd broken the rules for me. I didn't know what it meant — was it a temporary lapse or a permanent statement? — but it made me warm all over. My mind was suddenly racing with possibilities.
"I didn't know," I said eventually.
"Well, now you do," he said with a nod.
"Will he be in serious trouble?"
"I don't know. Time will tell. But, in the past, such actions have been... frowned upon, let's just say."
Something about the way he said gave me the impression it was more serious than he was letting on.
I weighed his words. Were Sebastian's actions enough to overcome all of the lies and the secrets? I didn't know. I still had so many questions.
"Liv's death," I said carefully.
His expression turned grim. "Now that was a hell of a thing."
"Sebastian said nobody really knows what happened. Is that true?"
Despite his age, he was still sharp. He saw my implication instantly. "You're wondering if he should have expected this?" He shook his head. "No, nobody could have seen this coming. He blames himself for Liv, but the reality is it was just a case of wrong place, wrong time."
"But if there was nothing to worry about, why did he leave someone outside my place?"
"Paranoia I suspect. You have to understand, Sebastian took that hard, harder than anything I've seen, until you disappeared. He feels like if he hadn't ended things with her, if he'd found some way to make the relationship work, perhaps things would have been different."
I blinked in surprise. "Ended things? He told me they were engaged."
"Ah," he said with a wince. "I'm sorry. I assumed he'd told you the whole story. Technically he didn't lie; they were engaged. Several of us tried to warn him of the dangers of such big secrets in a marriage, but it's hard to argue with love. Of course, it became progressively easier as she began to get suspicious. She was a bit of a computer guru, you see. Was being headhunted by all kinds of A-list companies, but they wanted her to move overseas and Sebastian couldn't, so she turned them down. Anyway, one day, Sebastian left his laptop open at an Alpha login portal. To most people that wouldn't mean much, but to a girl like her, it was a beacon. Soon, she was digging up all manner of strange info. It wasn't enough to tell her anything concrete, but it told her he was hiding something."