Now that she sort of had her wits about her again, Lily watched Mac dress, keeping a close eye on him as he slid his jacket on. She moved toward him and slid her arms underneath his jacket, wrapping them around his waist. Mac pulled the gun out of the back of his jeans and tucked it into the inner pocket of his jacket.
Lily frowned. “I was going for a hug, not to disarm you.”
“Not true. I find you incredibly disarming, Miss West.”
She snorted. “Smartass.”
He wound his arms around her. “You were trying to get my gun. Or find my cell phone. Or the virus.”
“Does that mean you still have the vial? That you didn’t deliver it to anyone here at the rally?”
The casual smile he’d been sporting left his face, replaced by the hard ass look she knew all too well. The impenetrable wall had returned. “The less you know the better.”
“Mac, please.” She didn’t want to push, didn’t want to break the idyllic spell of their lovemaking, but knowledge of the vial’s contents continued to pound at her. She couldn’t let it go. She was a woman and had enjoyed a woman’s pleasure, but she was still an investigator, had been a cop. She wasn’t going to let this go.
He pulled away from her embrace. “You have to trust me on this, Lily.”
She hooked her thumbs in the belt loops of her jeans and blew out a breath of utter frustration. She’d held enough inside. “I want to trust you. God, you have no idea how much I want to. After what Jessie told me about you, I know you care about people. I know you wouldn’t deliberately do anything to harm millions of people.”
“You’re right.”
“Then why can’t you have enough faith in me to talk to me? Why is that so hard to do? Why has it always been so hard for you to be straight with me?”
He brushed his fingers through his hair. “It’s too dangerous for you to know.”
“Bullshit. It’s too dangerous for me to be with you. You didn’t have any trouble dragging me along, though.”
He didn’t answer her. Of course he didn’t, because there was no answer. “This is just like ten years ago.” The reality of it slapped her across the face like an ice cold hand.
He frowned. “What?”
“Ten years ago, you pushed me away. You didn’t trust me.”
He shook his head. “No, you’re the one who thinks I’m going to sell the virus to some terrorist organization. The issue of trust is with you, Lily.”
“Is it? Ten years ago you didn’t believe in my feelings for you, or my faith in you. You didn’t trust that I knew what I was doing when I said I loved you and wanted to be with you.
You always thought you knew what was best for me. You thought you knew better than I did. Just like now.”
“That’s not true.”
His voice went low and he looked away, no longer meeting her eyes. She knew Mac. That meant he was lying.
Why did this have to happen? Every time they got close something happened to pull them apart. Maybe they weren’t meant to be together. Her head knew that. Logic told her that.
She was on the good side of law enforcement. Mac was…God only knew what he was, but he wasn’t eager to share it with her, and that meant trouble.
Maybe it was time her heart caught up to cold reality.
They had great chemistry together, but beyond that, they couldn’t sustain more than a couple hours worth of happiness without it dissolving into an argument. They were polar opposites in thinking and values.
Maybe her father had been right all those years ago.
She and Mac didn’t belong together. They had nothing in common, no shared belief systems.
He didn’t believe in her.
And right now, she didn’t believe in him.
She went to the door and threw open the dead bolt.
Mac’s hand covered hers.
“Where are you going?”
“Out. The air in here is stifling.”
“Then we go together. I don’t want you to go out there alone.”
She half turned, making sure he could read the expression on her face.
“You don’t trust me. You’re not being solicitous or looking out for my welfare. You just think I’m going to find the nearest phone and turn you in.” She pivoted all the way around. “I could have done that the night at the museum, you know.”
At his wide-eyed look, she nodded. “Oh yeah. I saw you break in. My hand was on my cell phone. I could have had the cops there waiting the moment you stepped out of the museum with the artifact in your hand.”
He stared at her, a dumbfounded expression on his face.
“Why didn’t you?”
She blinked back the welling tears, refusing to let him see her cry. “Because instinctively I knew it was you. The sounds of the motorcycle, something about the way you stood.
My heart told me it was you. I compromised my job, probably my career, for you. Because I couldn’t bear to see you fail.
How stupid was that?”
She turned and walked out the door.
This time, Mac didn’t follow.
Chapter Seven
Mac watched Lily walk out, then dragged his fingers through his hair.
Ah, hell. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy with Lily. But he thought they’d reached an understanding, or at least some warmth. To hell with warmth. Things had reached inferno level.
But every time they got hot, each time they seemed to grow closer, something happened to put a wedge between them.
He put it there. And maybe it should just stay there.
Keeping distance between them would probably be easier on Lily when the time came that he had to let her go.
Or maybe it would be easier on him. Because short of telling her who he was now and who he worked for—which was impossible—there was no choice but to keep her in the dark. Which meant she was going to maintain that level of mistrust. And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it other than continue to ask her to believe in him, when she had absolutely no reason to.
He’d let her leave the RV, because she needed to cool off. And after what she’d said about the museum, he didn’t think she’d run and find the nearest phone and give him up.
Because he did trust Lily. If he told her everything, she’d be fully on his side.
But he’d taken an oath and that meant something to him. No matter how he felt, no matter what his personal needs and wants were, he couldn’t betray the Wild Riders. Because it wasn’t just his ass on the line. Other people counted on his discretion. He had no choice.