“There was this guy—he’d dropped out of high school a couple years earlier and had his own apartment. He was nineteen and I was fifteen. We’d all hang out at his place to party. By then I was drinking, doing a few drugs, too, anything to numb the pain, you know?”
He nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat. He knew. God, how he knew.
“Anyway, he liked me. Really liked me. And I liked anyone who would give me attention. I realize now it was because I had gotten so little love and attention at home. We started having sex pretty regularly. He used a condom, but they’re not 100 percent effective. And you know, when you’re drunk or on drugs, who knows if he remembered to even use one. I got pregnant. That was the end of him wanting anything to do with me. He freaked out, said the baby wasn’t his. I hadn’t been with anyone else, so I knew it was his baby.”
“What a bastard.”
She smiled. “Yeah, he pretty much was, but you know, I had to own it. I made the dumb choice to have sex with him.”
He tipped her chin with his thumb. “You were fifteen, Tara. A child. He wasn’t a kid. He should have known better.”
She shrugged. “Anyway, that was the end of partying for me. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I straightened up. No more drugs or alcohol. I quit hanging with that crowd, and I went home and told my parents.”
“What happened?”
She laughed, tears brimming in her eyes. “They called me a whore and kicked me out of the house. Said I was irresponsible and should know better. Said they, quote, unquote, raised me better than that.” She swiped at the tears. “Isn’t that the funniest thing?”
The tears fell down her cheeks, and Mick’s gut tore up inside. “Good God. How could they do that to you?”
“They didn’t care about me, Mick. They cared about their own lives. I was just an inconvenience to them. They barely even remembered having a kid, and sure as hell didn’t want to be responsible for me, let alone the child I was going to bring into the world.”
“So what did you do?”
“I called Social Services. I knew at fifteen the state at least had to be responsible for me. I told them I was pregnant and my parents were kicking me out, and that they were drunk and abusive.”
Mick leaned back and regarded her. “You are a rock star, Tara. I’m proud of you for not taking what they dished out.”
She laughed, swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I was pissed and afraid for my baby.”
“So what happened?
“They removed me from the home and found me a nice place for unwed mothers where I got to be with other teens having babies. I got to attend school, the state paid for my prenatal care, and I had Nathan. I was always good in school, so I started studying again. They helped me with child care so I could graduate, and eventually I found an apartment and started college. And it got me out of that hellhole I lived in with my parents because I filed for emancipation and it was granted on the grounds I was self-sufficient, had no other living relatives to care for me, and the state thought it in my best interests not to be returned to that environment.”
Mick couldn’t believe what Tara had gone through growing up, what it must have been like for her to feel so alone, and what she’d done on behalf of Nathan.
“It must have been scary for you, just a kid being on your own.”
Her gaze caught his, and he saw nothing but love in her eyes. “I’d have done anything to protect Nathan. That’s why I found Damon—who’d been arrested for drug dealing—and made sure he signed off, giving up parental rights, even though he still insisted he wasn’t Nathan’s father. He had no problem signing that paper, and I was relieved to get him out of our lives. I wanted to make sure none of my mistakes would ever come back to haunt my son.”
“How much of this does Nathan know?”
“Everything. I don’t keep secrets from him.”
“Has he ever wanted to see his father?”
“No. He doesn’t have that curiosity. I told him about the mistakes I made, and told him someday maybe I’d marry a man who’d be a decent father to him, but Damon was a sperm donor and nothing else. And it had nothing to do with Nathan, and everything to do with the bad choices I made when I was young and stupid.”
“I admire your honesty, both with yourself and with your son. Does he know about your parents?”
“Yes. He knows everything, Mick. I’ll never hold anything back from him. He deserves the truth. He had to know why my parents aren’t in his life.”
“Thank you for telling me all this. It explains a lot about who you are, why you’re so strong, so driven. I admire the hell out of you, Tara.”
She bent her head. “Don’t. I’m no hero, Mick. I was stupid and irresponsible, and my child had to pay for my mistakes.”
He forced her chin up, made her look at him. “Are you kidding me? You’re amazing. Look what you went through, what you endured. To be where you are today after the kind of childhood you had? What you could have ended up like? Instead, you have a great career, a wonderful kid, and you’re one of the most remarkable women I’ve ever met.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“I never said you were. But you’re one of the most hardworking women I’ve ever known. And you’ve overcome more than most women ever will. I—”
He’d almost said something. Something he wasn’t sure he was ready to say.
“What?”
“I admire you.”
She laughed. “Stop admiring me. I just did what I had to do. For Nathan. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant with him, who knew what kind of self-destruction spiral I would have continued on. Trust me, I was doing my best to ruin my life.”
“Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies.”
“Please. You have the perfect family and the perfect life. I doubt you’ve ever done anything to f**k your life up.”
He pulled her against him and laid them down, the truth hovering on the tip of his tongue, ready to spill. But he didn’t think tonight would be the right time, not after what Tara had told him about her past.
And maybe he was just a coward.
He had some thinking to do.
TARA WAS STILL SLEEPING WHEN MICK WENT DOWNSTAIRS the next morning for coffee. His parents were going to pick Nathan up after they ran some errands, so he didn’t have to worry about that, which left him a nice quiet house to himself for the moment to sit and think about what she’d told him last night.