“I can think of other things we can do to occupy ourselves,” he said. His hands rose from her stomach and gripped her br**sts.
“I thought you said we couldn’t fool around,” she reminded him.
“I’ve changed my mind,” he told her, and he nuzzled her neck. His distraction technique was working quite well.
Ari felt herself melting, felt her body clamoring for the feelings he gave it, but she shook her head. They needed to talk — to really talk.
With reluctance, she grabbed his hands and pushed them back down to her stomach, her words a bit breathy when she spoke next.
“Please tell me, Rafe.”
“I can’t seem to deny you anything, Ari,” he murmured. He pulled her even closer against his body, but his hands remained on her stomach and thighs, with his fingers drifting lazily across her skin, yet making no attempt to ignite her passion.
Of course, whenever he touched her anywhere, her desire was stirred up, but she did her best to repress it, knowing that when they did finally come together, it would be explosive.
Rafe pressed his nose into her hair and inhaled deeply, then exhaled and began, “You were right to leave me. I didn’t think so then, but I know it was the right thing for you to do. After my wife left, I turned into a cold bastard. I think I figured that since she’d hurt me, it was OK for me to do the same to other women, that they were all cold and calculating, and only after what they could get. My ex-wife is that type of woman, but I shouldn’t have lumped together everyone else. You are about as different from her as it gets — a polar opposite. My mother would never treat a man that way, and though my sisters can be brats, they aren’t cruel, deceptive, or out for money and position. I had those examples in front of me, but I still thrust everything but my pain aside. I didn’t want to feel again. I didn’t want to allow a woman to have power over me.”
Ari was surprised to hear him admit any of this. Rafe didn’t often say he was wrong.
“I went a few years with relationships that were mutually pleasing. I had my needs met, and the women were provided for. Those women were happy. I wasn’t what they were in love with; it was my money, my influence, my power. When I was done, I made sure they were set up for quite some time. I’ve only had a couple of them try to come back. I made it very clear that it wouldn’t happen.”
Right then he sounded so cold that a shudder passed through Ari. This was the man she’d met three years previously, the man who had frightened her, but also intrigued her. There was fire in this man’s eyes, but also something that needed fixing. She’d been so naïve.
“Why me, Rafe? Why would you possibly choose me? I was nothing like those women you’d been with before. I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I went in for that interview. I honestly thought it was a real job.”
“Oh, it was a real job,” he said as he nuzzled her throat.
“I’m serious, Rafe,” she scolded.
“I know. I knew from the moment you walked into my office that you weren’t the right type of woman. I looked at you, and innocence was practically leaping from every pore on your body. You wouldn’t cooperate, wouldn’t fall into the type of relationship I demanded. I knew it was a bad idea from the start.”
When he paused, she waited, then asked, “So why did you pursue me?”
“Because I couldn’t stop myself.”
“What?” None of what he was saying made any sense.
“I knew you wouldn’t go along, blindly and unquestioningly, with what I wanted. I knew it would be a constant battle, but even knowing that, I was drawn to you. I thought I wanted you so much just because you refused me, and that turned me on, but it was more than that. I couldn’t get you from my mind.”
“Are you saying you were in love with me?” Ari didn’t believe in love at first sight.
“No. I was infatuated. I had to have you. I thought if I had you even once, the appeal would fade, but the more I was with you, the more insatiable I became. You quickly turned into an obsession for me,” he admitted.
“Is that what this is about? Obsession?” Ari felt as though her heart were being crushed.
“No! That was the way it was in the beginning. I fought the infatuation. I didn’t like the control you held over me. I didn’t like the free-falling sensation you inflicted on me, but I couldn’t seem to function properly without you. I still can’t.”
“So, this is all because I said no to you, because I walked away? You can’t handle that?”
“No, Ari. That was how it started. Now, I feel like I can’t breathe without you, but it’s not in a bad way. I was in South America and there was a couple. I knew better than to get attached, but I did anyway. The woman died during childbirth, and her husband was so devastated that he took his own life. That’s how I feel.”
“Like you want to take your own life?” she gasped.
“No. I would never do something so selfish. I am not that weak. What I mean is that I don’t want to live my life without you. I realized while I was down there that it wasn’t just obsession. It was love. I don’t spout poetry, or admit to feelings too often, but I love you, Ari. Yes, this started as a desire to control you, to bend you to my will, to break you, I’m ashamed to say. But somewhere in the middle of all of this, it changed. I didn’t want to break you anymore. I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted to see you fly. If I were a better man, I would walk away, let you live your life. But I am still selfish; I am greedy. I need you in ways you won’t ever begin to comprehend. I love you.”
Ari was left speechless; she twisted in his arms, turning her body so she was straddling him and could look into his eyes. What she saw made her heart leap in her chest.
Raising her hand, she stroked his cheek. He lifted his own hand and covered hers, keeping their eye contact unbroken.
“I love you, too, Rafe.” He smiled, but she continued, “But is love enough?”
He looked at her with so many emotions filling his unique eyes. “It’s a beginning. It’s a foundation. If you let me prove it to you, I’ll show you that I will never hurt you again,” he promised.
“I want that,” she said, and then leaned forward and kissed him. Yes, her body was on fire, but that wasn’t what this was about. This was about trust, need, emotional connection. There was more to life than just sex and passion — though those things were damn good.