It felt like coming home.
“Don’t try to pull away again.”
Lia turned her head to look into Shane’s worried eyes. He was drawing her na**d body close to his as he kissed her neck.
“I’m not going to.”
She could try to fight this all she wanted, but she was right where she wanted to be, so what would be the point?
She was in love with Shane. She always had been and always would be. Being without him took away a piece of her.
Fear that he would walk away tore at her, but Lia was tired of living in fear. She was ready to let it all go and just relax in his arms. Who knew what would happen when they got off this island? But for now, they had each other, and that was all that mattered.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said as she snuggled closer.
Surprisingly, her desire was tamped down. She was content just to lie there with him, feel the stroke of his hand on her flesh as she basked in the warmth filling her heart.
“Good. I was afraid you would retreat once you woke up. I need you, Lia, more than I can possibly ever describe.”
Oh, the rapture that his words aroused in her. They were the words she’d always wanted to hear coming from his lips. She needed him, too. She had for so long that she couldn’t remember a time she hadn’t needed him — wanted him — loved him.
“Why don’t you ever talk about your childhood, Shane?”
She felt him stiffen in her arms and worried that she’d crossed a line. He always closed up when anyone mentioned his past. All she knew was that he’d gone through hell. Neither he nor Rafe would say anything about it.
“It’s not worth speaking of,” he said as she felt him force himself to relax with a deep exhaling breath. He wasn’t able to fully unlock his muscles.
“I want to know you — know why the exterior that you present to the world is so tough, so untouchable. Please tell me,” she said, her fingers trailing across his back in a comforting way. If he could open up to her, then maybe they would have a real chance.
“You don’t want to know, Lia,” he warned her.
She could tell he wanted to speak to her, though. He needed to let it out.
“I honestly do, Shane. I want to know everything about you — the good and the bad. I promise not to ever judge. I promise to listen.”
“Do you want to know the ugly, too?”
“Everything, Shane.”
Shane hesitated as a deep sigh rose from his chest. When he began to speak, she was completely still.
“I didn’t have parents like yours, Lia. My father — well, he was…not a good man. Far from it.”
“What about your mom?”
“She was weak and pathetic. I hate to say that about my mother, but it’s true. The things she let happen to me were things a mother should never allow. She went through her own trauma, and I’m sorry for that, but she had a child to think about. If I had children, and I can’t imagine I will, I would never let someone hurt them the way that my father hurt me.”
There was so much pain in his voice, stiffness in his body. Lia wished she could take his pain away, erase the memories from his brain, and help him to heal. She did all she could, by running her fingers along his bare skin, by letting him know that she was right there with him, that no one would hurt him again.
“My mom was young and in love, bright-eyed with the world as her oyster. She was such a beautiful teenager, with dark hair and eyes, olive skin and a laugh that could bring a smile to the most wretched and the most irascible person. She met my father her junior year of high school, and she fell instantly and hopelessly in love, if you can call that love. He was twenty-one, and the typical bad boy. Driving up to their local hamburger shop, he’d taken one look at her and decided she would be his. She’d been flattered that such a handsome older guy took an instant interest in her. She’d followed him like a puppy dog, willing to do his bidding.”
There was so much bitterness in Shane’s voice, but his touch against her skin never changed. He was gentle as he held Lia while he dived back into his past. She almost told him he didn’t need to continue, but she knew she might never get another chance to hear, so she remained silent as he paused, as if he was drawing the courage to go on.
“Their first time together was…” Shane stopped for a minute. “It wasn’t consensual. She’d been dating him for a few months, and she always put the brakes on when he tried to have sex with her. Finally, one night he’d taken her back to his crappy apartment and had a couple too many beers. She said no, but he didn’t stop. I’ll never forget the day she told me about that moment. I was so furious with her. Why didn’t she turn him in? He’d raped her, and she still kept seeing him. And when she found out two months later that she was carrying his child, her parents were furious and kicked her out. What did she do? She moved in with him.”
“She told you all of this?” Lia was horrified that a mother would burden her son with such awful knowledge.
“Yes. They both hated me. She hated me because I was the product of a very unpleasant experience in her life. I was also the reason she was forever locked to this man. She told me on more than one occasion that she should have just aborted me — that she would have if she’d only had the money. Her husband, the man who fathered me, hated me because — oh, probably because he was just an evil bastard. I can’t get inside the brain of someone like that. He liked having such a pretty wife, someone who was so malleable to his will, but he also liked having a lot of women on the side. He would even bring one home on occasion, kicking my mother out of their bedroom so he could use it with this new ‘girlfriend.’ A few times, he made her, his wife, participate with them. She put up with it, never fighting him. She said it wasn’t worth the beatings he would lay upon her if she disobeyed him.”
“Why in the hell didn’t she just leave, go to a victim center?” Lia was horrified. She’d never imagined that his story could be that bad. “Or why didn’t she call in Child Protective Services?”
“She was weak. She blamed her woes on me, on him, on everything and everybody except for herself. He was unforgivable, but she was just as bad for staying. The first time he punched me so hard that I got a concussion, she should have realized it was too much. Hell, the first time he’d laid a hand on me, period, she should have left him. If she was OK with getting the shit kicked out of her, that was one thing, but when he was knocking around his toddler son, she should have gotten me out of there. But she didn’t, and it wasn’t until I was older that I realized that what they were both doing was wrong. I was so used to the abuse that I thought everyone got smacked around.”