He drew his hands away, and as he did, I heard another sound. A whimper.
I’m pretty sure it came from me.
I opened my eyes just in time to see Evan’s face shift into a stony, unreadable expression. I didn’t know what it looked like before, but I imagined there’d been lust in his eyes.
I felt something tight squeeze at my heart, because we’d just lost this moment. And I knew damn well that we could never, ever get it back.
“You should answer it,” he said.
“What?”
He glanced down to the tiny purse that I’d decided to carry tonight only because I had no pocket for my phone.
“Oh.” I’d already forgotten. “It’s a text.” I fumbled to retrieve it, then glanced at the display.
“Kevin?”
“Flynn,” I said quickly, not wanting to bring Kevin anywhere near this conversation. “Remember? The boy who lived down the street from Uncle Jahn in Kenilworth.”
“Probably not so much a boy anymore,” Evan said, in a tone that made the gooey feminine side of me shimmy with joy.
“No,” I said casually. “Not so much.”
I kept my focus on his face, and for a moment I thought that he was going to reach out for me. That he was going to pull me to him and press his lips to mine, and send us both soaring past that damn glass partition.
But the moment passed, and he turned away to look out over the darkened lake.
For a moment, we stood in silence. Then he spoke, low and steady. “I think about jumping, too.”
“Suicidal?” I quipped.
“No.” He turned back to me, and what I saw on his face wasn’t heat or lust but bald determination. “Arrogant.”
My brows puckered with confusion.
“I’m arrogant enough to think I can control my own fall,” he clarified.
“But you can’t,” I said, thinking of my sister. Of my life. Of my uncle. “Nobody can.”
His grin was wide, achingly sexy, and desperately sad. He reached out, then lightly stroked my cheek. “Watch me.”
I did, but only in the sense that I watched him leave. I stayed there, alone on the patio. Just me and my confusion and mortification. Not to mention two dozen people I barely knew. All of us on this Chicago rooftop, hurtling through space and time and the universe.
I stared after him, not moving. Not really even thinking. Behind me, the fireworks over the Navy Pier began to explode and suddenly the night sky was alive with color. I barely noticed. The only color I saw was Evan, his hue standing out against the backdrop of gray that had consumed me.
It took a full five minutes before I realized that I was still holding my phone.
I pulled up the message and, despite my confusion, I smiled.
Just landed. You okay?
I typed my answer—Surviving, I think—then hesitated. I wanted to edit it before hitting send. To tell Flynn about what just happened with Evan, whom he’s heard about ad nauseam since we were both sixteen. About how I was seeing Jahn’s ghost around every corner. About how much I hated death and funerals and I wished that I were a runner because then I could shove my feet into some Nikes and just go.
I didn’t type any of that, though. Instead, I just hit send.
I’ll be there in 10.
I couldn’t help but smile. He really did know me well.
It’s okay. People leaving.
Don’t want you alone.
Kevin’s taking me home w/ him.
There was a pause before the next text came through, and I understood why. I’ve spent far too many nights boring him with my rants about how Kevin is empirically perfect and I’m an idiot to even contemplate blowing him off.
Is that what you want?
It wasn’t, of course. What I wanted was Evan. His voice in my ear. His hand on my back. I wanted to return to that place in the sky, and I was suddenly terribly afraid that he was the only one who could get me there.
Violently, I jabbed my finger on the keypad. I really wasn’t going to do self-analysis by text. Just not happening.
Gotta go. TTYL
I set the phone on Do Not Disturb and shoved it back in my purse. If he texted me back, I didn’t want to know about it. I looked up in time to see that Kevin had entered the patio and was looking right at me, his expression quizzical. I wasn’t terribly surprised. I was feeling ripped to pieces, not to mention confused and unsatisfied and more than a little bit guilty about my pleasant, odd, and totally unexpected encounter with Evan. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to adjust my expression before he zeroed in on me.
“You’re looking tired,” he said, smiling gently as he took my hand. “Let’s go.”
“Tired being a euphemism for destroyed?”
“What can I say? I minored in English.”
My laugh was completely genuine. “You’re a good man, Agent Warner,” I said. “You deserve more than a wreck like me.”
“Maybe I like a fixer-upper.” He lifted our joined hands and kissed my fingertips. “You need distance. Come on. I already told Peterson I was whisking you away,” he added, referring to Jahn’s ever-present but usually invisible butler. “He’ll make sure the rest of the guests get on their way.”
I let him tug me toward the door. The guests were already leaving, and a few pulled me aside, giving me a hug and an encouraging word. Kat hurried over as we neared the entrance hall. “You’re heading out?”
“She needs to get away for the night,” Kevin said. “I’m taking her to my place.”
“Great,” Kat said, her voice bland, but a question in her eyes. I wished I could answer it. Cliché, maybe, but I could have used a night of nail polish and ice cream and talking about men.
“It’s gonna get easier,” Kat said, then pulled me into a tight hug.
“So they tell me.”
“Tomorrow,” she said. “We’ll meet for cupcakes, okay?”
“Definitely,” I said, because who turns down cupcakes or sympathy from her best friend?
I didn’t see Tyler or Cole, and since I agreed that I needed to get out of there sooner rather than later, I continued willingly toward the door, figuring I’d see them in a couple of days at the attorney’s office. I still had the trauma of the will to look forward to. Maybe after that, I could start to heal.
I heard Evan before I saw him, that low, whiskey-smooth voice unmistakable. I was overcome by the desire to take a detour. Unfortunately, he was right by the front door.