“You said except one. Do you mean Cole?”
She took in a deep breath. “Yes. I was happy with Cole. My relationship with him mimicked a lot of the things I value most about my relationship with you. Only ours is a more grown-up version of what I had with him. I like to think if only Cole and I had had time that we could have grown into something like what you and I have now.”
“And yet the idea of me giving you to him distresses you,” Lucas murmured.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “And confused. Maybe a little threatened, you know?”
He brushed his mouth over her temple, a simple gesture she felt all the way to her soul.
“Why, Lucas? Why are you doing it? I don’t understand. I’m afraid to dig too deeply for the answer.”
Before she hadn’t been willing to ask, but now she had to know. Was it a test? She wasn’t sure she could do this. He hadn’t done it to hurt her. She’d never believe Lucas would be that cruel. Which meant he had a specific reason for sending her back into the arms of the man who’d broken her heart.
He pulled her back just enough that he could touch her jaw, cup her chin, rub his thumb gently across her lips. So comforting. So very real.
“You say you trust me.”
She nodded without hesitation.
“Then trust me that this is what I feel is best for you. I think this is something you need. I would not do it if I thought it would hurt you. It may make you uncomfortable, but I think when all is said and done, this is for the best.”
The calm in his voice soothed her frayed nerves. She did trust him. Implicitly. He’d never steered her wrong. He’d never done anything without her best interests at heart.
And the truth was that she did want to see Cole again. She’d imagined what it would be like to have him touch her as he’d once done. Wondered if he’d even want to. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since the night she and Lucas had gone to The House.
What had rattled her far more than her encounter with her first love was the guilt she’d felt for thinking of him ever since. Lucas was everything to her and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about a man who shouldn’t occupy her thoughts or her fantasies.
The fact that Lucas seemed to understand only made the guilt burn more brightly. That he’d gone as far as to make an arrangement with Cole because he thought it was something she needed made her want to curl into a ball of shame.
“Ren.”
Lucas’s soft admonishment had her looking up and tears gathered once more when she saw the understanding reflected in his eyes.
“Do you think I would be angry for you being human enough to feel emotion when confronted with someone you used to love? Do you think I would punish you for being honest enough with yourself and me to admit these feelings?”
He smoothed his hand down her cheek, wiping at the trail of moisture leaking down the side of her face.
“I’m angry at myself,” she choked out. “You don’t deserve this. I feel so disloyal.”
He smiled then. “Do you get angry when I glance fondly at a former lover when she comes my way?”
She frowned and shook her head.
“Why is that?”
“Because I know you feel nothing more than a passing affection for her now.”
Lucas nodded. “Exactly. Now, perhaps I do this so that it can be determined what exactly you feel for Cole Madison. I think it’s important, don’t you?”
Slowly she nodded, marveling at how logical and in control he was. She was a blubbering mess and he was a rock. Always her rock. She sighed and went into his arms again, rubbing her cheek against his chest.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “For understanding me.” For knowing when to be gentle and when to be hard and forceful. She left the last unspoken but he knew. He always knew.
Lucas reached up to lower the divider so he could speak to the driver. “You may take us to our destination now.”
Judging by the length of time they’d been riding, Ren assumed that Lucas had given the direction to just drive.
After the divider slid back up, Lucas leaned down to retrieve her clothing that was strewn on the floor.
“Get dressed and straighten your appearance. I’m sure you’ll want to look your best when you face your past.”
He touched her cheek then ran a finger over her still quivering lips.
“Show no fear, Ren. Show him the woman I know so well. The woman you’ve become. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you do nothing else, show him just how big of a mistake he made by walking away from you.”
She smiled then and felt the warm brush of her confidence as it slid neatly back into place. Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe she did need to face Cole before she could move ahead to her future. A future she hoped with everything she had would include Lucas.
PART 2
cole
CHAPTER 13
By the time they slowed to turn into Cole’s driveway, Ren had regained her composure—mostly—and repaired her makeup and straightened her clothing. If it weren’t for her rapid pulse, she could fool herself into thinking this was just another exciting sexual venture for her and Lucas.
But it wasn’t and no amount of telling herself would change the fact that for tonight, she was Cole Madison’s.
Edgy excitement cut through the guilt and worry. Her body hummed with sharp arousal—and curiosity. Would she even respond to his commands now? Did he possess the knowledge to give her what she needed?
They slowed at the gate and her eyebrows rose when the driver had to stop and press the intercom button. She glanced out the window into the darkness but couldn’t see the house from where they were parked.
A moment later, the gate slowly swung open and the limousine proceeded onto the grounds. The driveway was long and winding and only after several seconds did the house come into view.
It was beautiful. Light was cast onto the house from an array of ground lighting. The front was composed of stone instead of brick. Rustic and rugged looking. Exactly how she imagined Cole would have his house.
From what she could see of the grounds, they were exquisitely rendered and professionally maintained. Nothing seemed out of place.
The driver pulled to a stop in front of the circle drive of the house and before Lucas could open the door, Cole appeared at the top of the steps just outside the front entryway.
Ren scooted to the edge of the seat as Lucas got out in front of her. For a moment her view of Cole was blocked but then Lucas shifted to the side and extended his hand to help her out.