He said the last with an arrogant grin as if he had every confidence that everything she would say about him would be good. And hell, it would. He was right about that much. She just wasn’t sure how much she wanted to share, even with her closest girlfriends. Some things were meant to be kept private. To savor and hold secret just for a little while.
“Will it make Dash angry, the decisions you made while he was gone?” she asked nervously. “I don’t want you to jeopardize your business relationship with him. Especially over me.”
He put a finger to her lips to shush her. Then he followed his fingers with his lips, lightly kissing her. “You let me handle Dash. He’s a reasonable guy or I wouldn’t be in business with him. I’m going to lay it all out to him and he’ll agree with my assessment of your capabilities. I have no doubt about that. You’ll get that raise, baby. I can guarantee it. And a promotion will be likely as well. And it won’t be because I’m giving you anything. Our relationship has nothing to do with your abilities. You’ve earned what you’ve got coming. Never doubt that. Business is business. What’s between you and me is strictly personal and doesn’t interfere with work. I don’t make emotional decisions when it comes to business.”
Feeling oddly comforted by that statement, she nodded her agreement.
“If you do go out, text me and let me know, okay? This isn’t me being overbearing or monitoring your comings and goings. I’d just like to know if you’re okay, and if you need me for anything at all, I will not be pleased if you don’t call me immediately. Got it?”
She smiled, absurdly pleased over his concern. “Got it.”
He kissed her again and then stood, a regretful expression on his face. “I hate to leave you. The last several days have been nice. Unfortunately it’s back to the real world. But I’ll be home at my usual time today. If I’m running late for any reason I’ll call so you know when to expect me. Dress casual for dinner. We’ll go someplace comfortable.”
“That sounds nice,” she said softly. “I’ll look forward to it.”
He cupped her cheek, giving her one last caress, and then he was gone, leaving her bereft of his presence.
The house was too quiet, silent in fact. She’d grown accustomed to his presence. They’d spent every minute of the last four days together. They’d slept together in his bed, her in her pajamas and him in boxers and a T-shirt. He’d been super careful not to in any way make it seem like he was pressuring her for anything at all. It only endeared him to her all the more.
She’d told him she could see herself falling in love with him, but she was afraid she was already more than halfway there. Or maybe she already was. She struggled with the idea of separating genuine love with dependence. Or perhaps one was simply a by-product of the other. Who the hell knew? She’d never been in love before. Had no idea what it felt like.
But if it meant being utterly content and happy in his presence and preferring his company to anyone else’s, then yeah, she was definitely in love. Her f**ked-up mind was the only obstacle she still had to overcome. It was simply too used to stepping in and overriding all her decisions. It had been in self-preservation mode for so many years that it knew no other way to be.
Maybe she should reach out to Chessy and Joss and not wait until they tracked her down. It would be a positive step in the right direction. To actually share a part of herself she usually reserved, even around her best friends.
This could be part of the “new her.” Being more open. Open up and share as much as Chessy and Joss had shared with her.
Liking the idea, but more than a little nervous about actually going through with it, she got out of bed and went for her phone. Maybe a text to both of them. Set up lunch? It was a sad testament to just how inexperienced she was with taking the initiative that it took her five minutes to compose the text and another five to work up the nerve to actually send it.
Not wanting to sit there glued to her phone, she opted to shower, just in case they did take her up on her offer of getting together for lunch. At least she’d be ready to go. And well, if they were otherwise occupied, she’d get out and maybe do some grocery shopping. She and Jensen were eating out tonight, but he’d made it clear he had no intention of her going back to her house anytime soon.
She hadn’t really put a timeline on her staying with him. The last four days had been too comfortable and she was reluctant to pull back and potentially destroy the progress they’d made. The progress she had made.
She could cook dinner for them tomorrow night. If he didn’t allow her to go into work the next day she could have it ready for him when he got home. And if she did go to work, she could always cook for him when they both got home.
How easily she’d given over so much control to Jensen, she mused as she got into the shower. More surprising was the fact she wasn’t freaking out or melting down. Maybe she was making progress.
Their relationship, however tenuous, had strengthened over the past days. No, they hadn’t even come close to true intimacy. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Just because they hadn’t had sex didn’t mean there wasn’t decided intimacy in their relationship. Perhaps more so than if they had made love.
His statement of her being in absolute control intrigued her. It wasn’t something that had ever occurred to her and she was curious as to whether it would make her feel less panicky, or perhaps she could prevent the inevitable meltdown if she had complete control of the situation.
She still wasn’t sure of how it would work exactly, but she planned to work up the courage to broach the subject with Jensen. Soon. Because she wanted to take that next step. She wanted it badly. But she didn’t want a repeat of their last experience. One humiliating meltdown was enough. Another wouldn’t likely endear her to him. At some point his patience would wear thin. And the last thing she wanted was to be a tease. Get him hopeful and worked up only to yank the rug out from under him. Or herself for that matter.
Maybe Chessy and Joss could give her some advice. That would certainly be something new. Her asking them for advice when it came to men and sex. They might never get over the shock of it!
When she got out of the shower, she had responses from both women. Lux Café. Noon. She smiled at their willingness to drop everything for her. Not that she ever doubted such a thing, but it wasn’t usually her sounding the alarm. They’d likely be rabid with curiosity. She was sure Chessy had been on the phone with Joss the minute Joss was back in town.