Chessy’s eyes softened with understanding. “I think that’s pretty amazing that he offered that. I mean, he put himself in a vulnerable situation for you. So you’d feel safe. That’s pretty awesome.”
“Yeah,” Kylie said softly. “So he goes to bed, fully dressed, and I’m in my granny pajamas. I handcuffed one of his hands because it looked really uncomfortable and I was humiliated that the only way I could let a man sleep in my bed was with him handcuffed and helpless.”
“Don’t ever feel shame for your need to feel safe, honey.”
Kylie huffed out a breath. “So we both go to sleep, only I had a nightmare about my father. Seeing someone who resembled him so closely in the restaurant just brought it all back, and then Jensen was calling my name. Telling me to wake up, that I was safe with him. And I don’t know. I just kind of freaked. I dove into his arms, only one of his hands was still handcuffed to the bed and all I could think about was wanting both of his arms around me. So I tore off the handcuffs and he held me. Just held me and told me to go back to sleep, that nothing could hurt me, that he’d never allow it. So we slept that way the rest of the night and I’ve never had a better night’s sleep once I was in his arms.”
Chessy smiled. “That’s wonderful, Kylie. He sounds delicious. And so tender and caring. I mean, what more can you ask for? The guy is drop-dead gorgeous, extremely alpha and protective. And he made huge concessions for you so you’d feel safe. He put you and your needs before his. Not many guys are willing to do that.”
“I know,” Kylie said softly. “And the thing is, Chessy, I do feel safe with him. I can’t explain it. He’s the kind of guy who should terrify me. He’s the kind of man I’d usually steer clear of by a mile. And yet the way he looks at me, the way he is around me. I just melt into a puddle. It’s ridiculous.”
“Not ridiculous,” Chessy refuted. “Sounds to me like you’ve got yourself a solid winner. So you’re going on a date tomorrow night?”
“Well, he wanted to do it tonight but I told him I had dinner plans with you so he changed it to Saturday. And then he’s going out of town for the first three days of next week. I guess that’ll give me plenty of time to think about our date and figure out what the hell I’m doing and if I’m in way over my head,” she said ruefully.
“You should have called me!” Chessy exclaimed. “We could have rescheduled.”
Kylie shook her head adamantly. “No. Friends come first and I’ve been worried about you, Chessy. I know you’ve been lonely and I know what that feels like. I don’t want you to feel like that ever. You come first.”
“You’re not the bitch you call yourself,” Chessy said firmly. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, honey. If I ever hear you disparage yourself again I’ll kick your ass. And I love you for it, but in the future? If you have an opportunity to go out with a delicious specimen of an alpha male like Jensen? We will reschedule. You and I can get together anytime. I think it’s wonderful that you’re venturing into the dating world. It’s time, Kylie. You’re ready. You need to do this for yourself. Prove to yourself that not all men are ass**les.”
Kylie’s heart filled with love for her friend. She missed Joss and couldn’t wait for her to return, even though it was selfish since Joss was on her honeymoon and should enjoy every minute of it. But Kylie loved Chessy and Joss. They were solid. Her anchor after Carson died. The only two people who’d kept her sane and had given her a reason to keep living.
They didn’t know that. Maybe they’d never know how much Kylie depended on them. But she couldn’t fathom her life without them.
“I’m going to try,” Kylie said truthfully. “I’m tired of being a coward. Of hiding from the world. Maybe Jensen is the one. Maybe he’s not. But at the very least he’s my opportunity to work on my courage.”
“That’s my girl,” Chessy said. “And you know I’m going to want to hear all the juicy details Sunday. If you don’t call me, I’m so coming over. But in the afternoon. You know, in case Jensen sleeps over again.”
She winked as she said the last and Kylie rolled her eyes.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Kylie said dryly. “Remember the fact that I had to handcuff him to the bed in order for him to be able to sleep in the same space. I’m such a head case that I wouldn’t count on me having sex with anyone for a long time.”
Chessy’s eyes sparkled. “At the risk of sounding disloyal, my money’s on Jensen. I bet you two do the deed much sooner than you think.”
“Gee, thanks,” Kylie muttered.
But at the same time, hope unfurled in her heart like a flower budding in the spring. Could she be intimate with Jensen? Was it possible that he was the man who could get past her barriers? The fact that she wasn’t melting down over the mere thought said a whole lot. The fact that she was actually anticipating the act itself said far more.
TEN
KYLIE wiped her hands down her jeans, removing the dampness from her palms. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, critically surveying her appearance. This was stupid. Utterly ridiculous for her to be so worked up over a date.
Women dated. People dated. And now, apparently, she dated. It was an absolutely ordinary occurrence in the world. Except that her world and the rest of the world were two entirely different things. In her world, she didn’t date. Didn’t pursue relationships or encourage men’s attention.
Only now it would seem she did indeed date and she was in fact trying to gain the attention of Jensen.
She couldn’t figure out if it annoyed her or pleased her, this tilting of her universe. On one hand she was actually looking forward to the evening with Jensen. Craved his company and how safe and comforted she felt around him. Was she simply using him because he was a security blanket of sorts? And would she chicken out the minute things became more intimate?
Because she sincerely doubted Jensen was just signing up to be a source of comfort. He was a man. An attractive, mouthwateringly gorgeous man. Of course he’d expect sex at some point. He’d pretty much said as much. The question was how patient he’d be.
She wasn’t opposed, in theory, to the idea of having sex with him. The idea appealed. But what appealed more to her was her being capable of having a physical relationship with him. Of being able to overcome the panic that such an idea instilled within her.