It was obvious she was embarrassed by the intimacy of their conversation. Her cheeks flamed with color and she wouldn’t meet his gaze.
“I don’t want to do anything to hurt you,” he said. “I want you to be comfortable. If we have to wait, we will. I won’t use something that you won’t enjoy.”
“I’m safe,” she said. “I was on birth control when Carson was alive. He didn’t want children. At least not right away, and as I said, condoms weren’t an option. I never went off them, even after he died. I probably should have. It’s not as though I anticipated having a sexual relationship with anyone. I couldn’t. But it was habit and it never occurred to me to go off them. They regulated my periods and made them more bearable for me. Before I went on them, my periods were difficult. They were irregular and for the weeks I was on them, it was awful. I was moody, I hurt and the cramps and headaches were unbearable. For a time, I had to take pain medication just to make it through my period. My doctor advised that I go on birth control even before Carson and I were married, but I hesitated because I feared not being able to get pregnant when I went off them. I’ve read a lot that it takes some women a long time to get pregnant after going off birth control and I wanted children very much. I was disappointed that Carson was so resistant, but when it was evident that he wouldn’t bend, I really had no choice, no reason, not to go on birth control, especially since condoms weren’t an option.”
“I understand,” Dash said, relief gripping him. “And are you okay with being with me without condoms? I’m safe, honey. I can provide you my medical history. I’ve never been with any woman without condoms. Not even once. And I have regular checkups. But there hasn’t been another woman in a long time.”
Her eyes softened. “You don’t have to justify your sexual history to me, Dash. And yes, I’m okay with you not using condoms. I trust you. And you already know there’s been no man for me since Carson.”
Her face flushed again and she ducked her head.
“He was my first. My only. I was a virgin when we met. And when he found out, he insisted we wait until we were married. And since our courtship was such a whirlwind, it wasn’t as though we had to wait long. He wanted to marry me much sooner than he did. If he’d had his way, we would have been married within weeks of meeting. It was me who insisted we wait. I wanted him to be sure.”
“And not yourself?” Dash asked.
“I was sure of him,” she said softly. “I knew he was the one. I loved him—fell in love with him from the start. But I wanted him to be certain. I didn’t want us to rush into a marriage if he wasn’t absolutely certain that I was whom he would be happy with. And I wanted him to be happy. He had such a hard childhood. He deserved to be happy.”
Dash’s heart turned over all over again. He was seized by his own love for this special, generous woman. Most women would have jumped at the chance to marry Carson Breckenridge. Wealthy. Handsome. Successful. And he loved to spoil Joss. He did so shamelessly. From the very start. Yes, Dash had his own set of reservations over the speed of Carson’s relationship with Joss. Carson was his best friend and he hadn’t wanted him to get hurt. He, like Joss, well knew of his past. His horrific upbringing.
But all reservations had fled when he’d seen firsthand how fiercely loyal and devoted Joss was to Carson. She didn’t have a mercenary bone in her body. She’d insisted on continuing her job as a nurse even though Carson had pressed her to quit from the moment they started dating.
She’d persisted, however, because she hadn’t wanted it to be perceived she was with Carson for his money. It was only after a year into their marriage that Carson had been able to persuade Joss to quit. And he’d done so by telling her of his desire to have her all to himself. So she could travel with him on the many business trips he took. When Joss was working, she’d been tied to her schedule and she couldn’t up and leave on a moment’s notice.
It had frustrated Carson, because he’d wanted Joss with him at all times. And so he’d pressured her into quitting so her time would be his.
Dash had worried that Joss wouldn’t be happy once she quit her job. She was a natural in the medical field. Her specialty had been pediatrics, and before she’d married Carson, she’d planned to go back to school to become a nurse practitioner.
All of that had changed the moment Carson entered her life. Did she have regrets? Did she have the desire to complete her training and go back to work? It was something he’d discuss with Joss later. Right now he wanted to reestablish the mood that had been broken by his boneheaded move.
“You deserve to be happy again,” Dash said tenderly. “And I’d very much like a part in making that happen for you. If you give me the chance, Joss, I’ll make you smile again.”
At that she did smile, her eyes lighting up, transforming her entire face into something so blindingly beautiful that it took his breath away.
“You already make me smile, Dash. You make me feel . . . beautiful. I haven’t felt beautiful in a very long time. Thank you for that. For giving me that part of myself back again.”
He kissed her belly and then peppered a line down to the apex of her thighs.
“You don’t need me to make you feel beautiful, honey. You’re so gorgeous it hurts to look at you sometimes. Never doubt that. You don’t need any man to make you feel beautiful. You are. That’s a fact.”
She sighed and rolled her hips as he once more parted her folds and gently blew over her clit. Then he flicked his tongue over the taut bud, delighting in her instant, honest response.
He loved that she held nothing back. No part of herself. She put it out there, making herself vulnerable. He would protect her always. Shield her from any and all hurts. He would encourage her to be herself with him always because he’d always protect her heart and soul. With him, she could be anything at all. He’d never judge her. Never hold her back. He loved her too damn much to ever change her or make her into something she wasn’t.
He hoped to hell that he could make her see that. That he wanted her just the way she was.
He licked her again, his fingers digging into her hips as he held her down and open to his mouth. He became more aggressive, growing bolder, encouraged by her response. He sucked and licked, thrusting his tongue inside her to taste her sweet honey.
He ate like a man starved, and he was. For her. He wanted her to come all over his tongue. He wanted to drink deeply of her, not wasting a single drop of her desire.
That all changed with her broken plea.
“Dash, please, I’m so close and I want you inside me. I need you inside me. I want to come with you there. Please, I need it.”
Damn if she’d ever beg him for anything. He’d promised her that. No begging. Not for anything he could give her.
And his body agreed with her desperate plea. He wanted inside her every bit as much as she wanted him there. He wanted her body to suck greedily at his cock. Wanted to feel all of that silken heat enveloping him. He wanted to come long and hard deep inside her, filling her with his release.
He broke away, his breaths coming hard, nearly panting with exertion and excitement. His dick was to the point of begging. He was so hard that it was agonizing. He wanted—needed—to be inside her. Now.
He propped himself up and over her, sweat dripping from his forehead. One hand went to her forehead, pushing away her hair as he stared down at her. With his other hand, he positioned himself between her legs, lodging the head of his c**k at her opening.
At the very first touch of her velvety heat, he nearly lost it on the spot. Teeth clenched, he called on every bit of his strength to hold himself back.
Slowly and reverently he pushed inside her, his eyes rolling back in his head at the exquisite pleasure. She wiggled and arched, trying to draw him deeper.
“Don’t,” he ground out. “I’m holding on by a very thin thread, Joss. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to come the minute I get deep inside you. Be very still. Let me do the work. If you move, I’m not going to make it and I want us to come together. I want you with me. Always with me.”
Her eyes glowed, her lips curving into a sensual smile. Sultry and provocative. A temptress he had no hope of resisting.