His eyes softened. He carefully got off his knees and moved to sit on the couch beside her. She faced forward, her knees spread, her arms between her legs and her head bowed.
“Tyana, she’ll always be there,” Eli said softly. “She’s an important part of who you are.”
She shook her head.
“Tell me about her.”
She turned her head to look at him, not sure she could get the words past her frozen lips. He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and let his hand linger there at her temple.
God. Where to start?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tyana drew in several long, steadying breaths. Eli’s fingers still touched lightly at her temple, drawing a line down her cheek and back up again.
“My earliest memory is of an orphanage in Prague. I remember being cold and hungry, and there were children crying. I don’t know how I got there. Later I was scornfully told that my mother had dumped me on the doorstep and ran as fast as she could, but who knows if that’s real or just the drummed up version of what they told every kid there.
“I used to hide in one of the corners, just hoping to escape notice. That’s where Damiano found me. He was older, but skinny as I was and as dirty. I’ll never forget how he took my hand and told me it would be okay, that he’d look out for me.”
She bowed her head as another hot tear trailed down her cheek.
“He kept his promise,” she whispered. “He took so much for me. Always put himself in front of me when the headmistress was angry or when the men came every month to select the orphans they wanted for the workhouses.
“As we got older, Damiano filled out more. He got bigger. I didn’t develop the curves that the other girls did, and while I didn’t understand then why that angered the headmistress, I realize now it was because she had every intention of selling me to the highest bidder.
“She ran a profitable business. Young virgins offered at premium prices. Damiano was so determined to protect me from that. When I did finally begin to have the semblance of br**sts, he made me wrap them to keep my chest flat. We stayed as filthy as possible so no one would want us. Boys, especially good-looking boys like Damiano, were just as in demand as the girls.”
Eli slid his hand up her back and palmed the back of her neck, massaging lightly, but he never said a word. He just listened.
“I think the headmistress caught on to us because one night she locked me in a room by myself. Later a man showed up. I was asleep. When I woke, he was there…” Her breath caught on a sob and she raised her hands to her throat in panic.
“It’s all right, Tyana,” Eli said soothingly. “I’m right here, sugar. Nothing can hurt you here.”
“It hurt,” she said in a small voice. “I couldn’t fight him. I just lay there crying while he took his pleasure.”
Eli pulled her into his arms, his fingers tight at her waist. She could feel the pounding of his heart and the tension in his big body.
“Damiano found me the next morning. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He helped bathe me, and then he told me to wait for him, that we were getting out, but that first he had something to do.”
She turned her head up to Eli. “He killed her,” she whispered. “He killed the headmistress, and I wasn’t sorry. I hated her. I wanted her to die.”
There was no condemnation in Eli’s eyes. Anger, sorrow, but no judgment. She lowered her head again.
“Damiano came back, took my hand and we fled into the streets. For months we existed hand to mouth, doing whatever we had to in order to survive. We stole, Damiano sold himself, just so we didn’t starve. I hated myself for that. Hated that he sacrificed everything for me. I was at a point where I was willing to prostitute myself so that I could feed us both, and Damiano would have a warm place to sleep, where he’d be safe.
“He completely flipped out. I’ve never seen him so angry with me, never before then and never since.”
Eli pressed a kiss to the top of her head and stroked her hair.
“One night I picked the pocket of a young man, only he was on to me in two seconds flat. He chased me down and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. He had a friend with him, and they laughed as I threatened to kill them. I don’t think they believed me, but I would have.
“Damiano damn near killed himself trying to take them on, but they weren’t even trying to hurt us. When we realized that, we took off as fast as we could.”
“Jonah?” Eli asked.
She nodded. “And Mad Dog. They didn’t catch us that night, but they tracked us down two days later. I still don’t know why they did it. Maybe they felt sorry for us. But they took us in. Didn’t offer us sympathy. Just asked if we wanted a better life. It took a long time for them to earn our trust but when they did, it never wavered. We owe them our lives. We would have never survived on the street.”
“You would have,” Eli murmured. “You’re a survivor, Tyana.” He levered away from her and framed her face in his hands. “You’re one of the bravest and gutsiest people I know, man or woman. Damiano is lucky to have you.”
She shook her head adamantly. “No, I’m the one who’s lucky. I wouldn’t have lasted a day in that orphanage if it weren’t for him. He saved me.”
Eli kissed her forehead tenderly then slid his lips down to kiss each eyelid as they fluttered underneath his mouth.
“I think you saved him as well,” he said softly.
She closed her eyes and leaned until her forehead touched his. “I can’t lose him, Eli.”
“I know, sugar. And you won’t. We’ll find a way.”
Such simple words, and yet they lifted her up, filled her with such comfort. She wasn’t alone. Not anymore. Eli was helping her.
“You need to eat, and then I need to clean you up,” he said. “I’m beginning to think you’re using your face as a battering ram.”
She smiled and to her surprise got teary-eyed again. He smudged the moisture with his thumb then kissed the spot just below her eye.
“You managed to salvage the food?” she asked.
“Uh huh. Not much gets between me and my food.”
Relief, warm and liquid, pooled in her soul. He wasn’t disgusted by her raw account of her childhood. He wasn’t horrified by all she’d done and by all that had been done to her. For the first time in her life, she wondered if there was room for one more person in her heart.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Eli watched Tyana nibble at an empanada and was at a loss as to how to react to all she’d told him. He couldn’t sit there and say it didn’t matter, nor could he ignore the enormity of the fact that she’d shared such intimate details of her past with him.
What did he do? It didn’t feel right to take her to bed and make long, sweet love to her, though it was precisely what he wanted. He wanted to make her forget, to let her know that it didn’t matter to him, that only she mattered. But at the same time, how could he be sure that he wouldn’t shatter her already fragile emotions? Wouldn’t bring back those terrible memories of another man in another place?
And if he did ignore the urge, what kind of message was he sending? What would his reluctance to touch her say to her? That he was disgusted? That he no longer wanted her?
It was a hell of a hard spot to be in, and there weren’t handbooks for this sort of thing. Make the wrong decision and he risked losing her completely.
That was the rub. Did he want to keep her? Could he keep her? She was his perfect match in a world where he never thought to find one. What woman could possibly understand his life, the things he’d done, the way he lived? Only a woman who shared those same experiences. Tyana.
He hadn’t been honest with her, though. She clung to the hope that he could somehow provide help for Damiano, and he couldn’t. His ability to shift wasn’t something born of a freak science experiment gone bad. How could he tell her that and destroy her faith that somehow Damiano could be cured?
The small radio transmitter sitting on the floor beside the couch beeped, and he reached down to pick it up.
“Eli.” Gabe’s voice filtered through the static.
“Go ahead.”
“We’re in town. Number two house.”
“Lay low. I’ll be in touch when we move out again,” Eli said before putting the radio aside.
He had calls to make, favors to call in, but until they knew where they were going, his only option was to sit tight and hope this Tits guy came through for Tyana.
Her haunted stare found his. “So we stay here?”
He nodded. “I’ll make arrangements for us to fly out as soon as we have a location on Esteban.”
She frowned, and lines of fatigue rippled across her forehead. “What then? What’s our objective? Is it revenge or simply a fact-finding mission?”
He moved closer to her, wanting to be near yet so afraid she’d pull away. When she didn’t, he settled beside her, their shoulders touching.
“Honestly? I want to kill the bastard. But that helps no one. I say we take him alive and make him talk. He doesn’t want to die. He’s too absorbed in his whole power trip. After we extract what information we can from him, we can decide whether he’s worth more to us alive or if we kill him then.”
She nodded. “I agree. If there is a way to help Damiano…and Ian and Braden…” She glanced up at him, questions burning in her eyes. “What about you, Eli? Are you happy with your abilities? You and Gabe aren’t like the others. What if we find a way to make it all go away? Are you going to want that?”
He sat there frozen. It was only a matter of time, but he hadn’t wanted it to be now. He didn’t want to face her disappointment. He didn’t want to hurt her.
“Eli? Did I say something wrong?”
He turned to face her, pulling one knee up on the couch. “Tyana, I’m not like the others.”
She nodded. “I know. We just went over that.”
He sighed. “No, I mean the chemical agent didn’t do anything to me.”
Her eyebrows drew together in puzzlement, and she put the empanada down on her lap.
“You’ve been looking to the wrong guy for answers. I don’t have them because I was able to shift long before the accident in Adharji. I was…born with the ability. Some freak accident of nature.”
Her mouth fell open, and her pupils dilated in shock. “But…that’s impossible. It’s not logical. People aren’t born that way.”
He put his hand over hers, but she snatched it away. She stood abruptly and whirled around, her face a mass of confusion.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, Tyana. I’m serious. The whole reason we were able to get out of that damn prison camp before they started any experimenting was because I was able to shift. It’s a secret I’ve carried since birth, but after the others…it became easier to hide. I mean, I no longer had to hide it. It could be explained by the chemical agent.”
She closed her eyes and her shoulders slumped forward. “Then…then there really is no way to help Damiano, is there?”
He flinched at the grief in her voice, thick, so heavy it seemed to blanket the room. He’d expected anger, not resignation. But then he suspected she was at the end of her rope.
He stood and put his hands on her shoulders. When she wouldn’t look at him, he moved a hand to her chin and gently prodded it upward.
“Listen to me, sugar. We’ll find a way. Esteban started this and we’re going to finish it. If he has information that can help us, we’ll find it. I need you to believe that.”
She leaned in close, laying her forehead against his chest. Her hands gripped his waist, balling the fabric of his shirt in her fists.
He put his arms around her and went with his instincts.
“Let me love you,” he whispered. “Tonight is ours.”
Her head came up, her eyes flashing a brilliant green. “You said you wouldn’t sleep with a woman who didn’t trust you.”
He cupped her chin and ducked his head. His lips hovered a mere inch over hers. “You trust me, sugar. You would’ve never told me everything you did if you didn’t trust me.”
Vulnerability shadowed her beautiful eyes. She swallowed then loosened her hold on his shirt. She let her hands fall to her sides.
“I do trust you,” she whispered, and he realized how very hard those words had been for her to say.
He slid his hands down her lithe form, to the hem of her shirt, delved underneath then let his hands glide upward again, taking her shirt with them.
“This isn’t sex, Tyana. I’m not going to f**k you.”
Her breath escaped in a jerky wave.
“I’m going to make love to you.”
Her lips parted in invitation, but he had to hear the words from those lips.
“Say it,” he murmured. “I want to hear you say it.”
She trembled against his fingers as he coaxed the shirt higher.
“Make love to me.”
It was said so quiet he had to lean in to hear. Her breath blew softly against his cheek and sent a shiver down his spine.
“Kiss me,” he said.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and slid her lips across his, soft as a butterfly’s wings. He ran his hands under her arms, around to her back and pulled her close. Her shirt bunched between them as he deepened the kiss, as he explored her mouth.
He took a step forward, forcing her to take a step back. Slowly he moved them toward the bedroom, their lips fused tight. He tugged at her clothing, releasing her mouth long enough to yank the shirt over her head and toss it aside.